Or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions - Dear Ijeawele

This is a great and super efficient read. As much about human decency, dignity and general equality as it is about feminism specifically. I would recommend for all ages, ethnic groups and backgrounds.

Thought provoking. As with others works of Adichie which I've read, her direct writing feels striking. Like the reader is in conversation with the author. I'm recommending this one to all of my friends.

This book was much shorter than I thought it would be. It also was not that revolutionary. Perhaps my expectations were too high. I had heard really good things about it on a podcast that I listen to, but the fifteen suggestions didnt end up being anything new

I loved these suggestions! They made you really think about how deeply our world is entrenched in gender roles and behaviors that sprout from them. Makes me happy to envision a gender equal world and work to see that happen.

As a mom to a now 8 month old baby girl I saw this reviewed online and decided to purchase it to read myself. It's a very short quick read, which is great because I don't have a lot of time right now to read. However if you're looking for a long detailed read this is not it. I think the book was very well written and had great points and I plan to keep this book to give it to my daughter when she is older. I just passed it along to my mother-in-law to read and have also recommended it to the other moms in my moms' group!

Why is being a feminist negative? Women matter. Men matter. Women do not matter because of any condition, for placing a condition or reason is sexism.

Teaching our daughters to speak their mind should be normal. Silence keeps secrets and some secrets should not be kept.

This is a book we should all read and think about as we raise children. There are some traditions that are harmful. There is a difference between men and women, but one is not better.

A book to make you rethink how much we perpetuate harmful traditions.

There's a tiny stack of parenting books from which I choose gifts for new parents - the books either help shift perspective into parenting mode or offer important insights and guidance in an accessible way. I'm pleased to add this little gem to my collection.
Adichie, through her writing, has the ability to strip what matters and why down to its essence and then offers it up plainly, with little fanfare. She reminds me a bit of Hemingway that way - each word carefully chosen, and beneath each written sentence, an iceberg of ideas and consideration.
Her fifteen suggestions for raising a feminist daughter are not necessarily profound: raise your daughter to value her inherent worth, to live in a world of diversity, to be proud of her heritage and her sex, to never tie morality to fashion. To be kind - but also to expect kindness. Basically, raise her to see herself as a person who matters, who deserves respect and should offer that respect in kind; show her that her opinions and perspectives matter because they're hers - and that she needn't acquiesce to popular thought or opinion.
My biggest complaint is that, with very little restructuring, this book can (and in my view, should) be revised to "how to raise a feminist" - both boys and girls should be raised in the manner Adichie suggests, and with the ideas she promotes.

This letter should be read every month. It wiped away my internal tears and gave me a different outlook on purpose. Mothers, give this as gift not only to your daughters, but to your mothers and the daughters within.

This was recommended to me by a friend as a great read for new parents/grandparents (I have two granddaughters.) I want them to grow up knowing their inherent value and strength. This book, written to one friend by another upon the birth of her daughter really speaks to the heart of how to raise a feminist.

This is a super quick read but it's sweet and makes some valuable points. It would be a great gift for a new or expecting parent, a young teen, or anyone who needs a little boost of empowerment. It reads like a friend sending you an email and you'll easily finish it in an hour or so. It brings up some great points to consider whether you have male or female children!

This is an engaging, to the point, accessible read. It is very practical and presents feminist theory as something to be lived, not just discussed, so it serves as a handbook as well as a book of feminist theory. Parents will find this the most useful as it sets out Adichie's feminist beliefs surrounding gender roles and how patriarchy affects children, but I enjoyed it as well. It does not get bogged down with technical jargon - Adichie skillfully simplifies complicated theory into more accessible language.

My only criticism is that it does occasionally move into cissexist territory, and knowing Adichie's beliefs surrounding trans politics, I would recommend people to keep this in mind when they read it.

While this book is clearly addressed to a specific person, there are gems in it for anyone who is raising or helping raise a child. As parents well know, it is our everyday habits that our children absorb, not the "big talk" that happens one time. This book raises several ideas to get into conscious habits around our attitudes toward appearance, marriage, sex, etc. before old habits make the decision for us. Sometimes, our children will ask a "big" question, or a "big" issue will present itself, and you better be ready, because you have ten seconds to give the right answer. Yes, you can ask for more time to think about it, but the child may have moved past it by then. For example, while you are washing the dishes together, your child may ask "What's a virgin?" and girl you have ten seconds, or maybe five, to undo centuries of bad ideas about how men somehow get to own and control women's sexuality. Read this book and be ready.

I thank the day that my friend sent me Ms. Adichie's TED Talk, "The Danger of a Single Story" because since then, I have followed and read just about everything she has written or stated publicly. "Dear Ijeawele" fits into the same bracket with all of Ms. Adichie;s previous work---enlightening. I have a two year old girl and home, and will certainly be taking the majority of the advice that she gave us in this concise read. I am a teacher, and my female students often come to me for advice and certainly, this book gives me material to inform my thoughts before saying things that could be potentially damaging to them. Thank you, Ms. Adichie, for writing such a beautiful piece. Your words are words that I needed to hear as a young girl, when I wanted to be things that society told me that I couldn't.

In regards to the recent character attacks on Ms. Adichie, I am very disappointed. Please do not let this affect your purchase. If you read her books, you will understand her comments. In Dear Ijeawele, she states in her fifteenth suggestion, "Teach her about difference. make difference ordinary. Make difference normal. Teach her not to attach value to difference. And the reason for this is not to be fair or nice, but merely to be human and practical.(61)" I am so happy that I read this book, because this is simply what she was stating about the difference between women and trans-women. She was not devaluing anyone. I thank her for standing up and being a voice for women.

Brilliant book!

I loved it. This is the second book I've read by Adichie, the first one being We Should All Be Feminist. Afterward, I was smiling to myself and wishing that this book had been around when I was a teenager.

Thank you for your insight and clarity in speaking the truth on trans culture today. Men who are brought up and socialized as men can never be women pre/post op due to their thought processes being male. That is why their first instinct is to degrade ANYONE who disagrees with them by using slurs. Women cannot even talk about their bodies and women's issues without these men barging in and making it all about them.

You are a hero for speaking out. This is an excellent book.

Sincerely, a new fan

I loved it. This is the second book I've read by Adichie, the first one being We Should All Be Feminist. Afterward, I was smiling to myself and wishing that this book had been around when I was a teenager.

Thank you for your insight and clarity in speaking the truth on trans culture today. Men who are brought up and socialized as men can never be women pre/post op due to their thought processes being male. That is why their first instinct is to degrade ANYONE who disagrees with them by using slurs. Women cannot even talk about their bodies and women's issues without these men barging in and making it all about them.

You are a hero for speaking out. This is an excellent book.

Sincerely, a new fan

My 1 star is not for the book, it is for the store's utter deception in selling a digital book for over $8, whose content is published for free on the internet under a new title that makes it appear like a new book by the author. I'd like to return this "digital book" if I could.

I find it embarrassing that the store's review board is being used to smear a fantastic Black writer by calling her "transphobic", especially when this charge is absolutely untrue.
Here is what Adichie wrote in response to this smear campaign:
"CLARIFYING
Because I have been the subject of much hostility for standing up for LGBTQ rights in Nigeria, I found myself being very defensive at being labeled 'trans phobic.' My first thought was – how could anyone think that?
I didn't like that version of myself. It felt like a white person saying 'I'm not racist, I supported civil rights.'
Because the truth is that I do think one can be trans phobic while generally supporting LGBTQ rights.
And so I want to put my defensiveness aside and clarify my thoughts. To make sure that I am fully understood.
I said, in an interview, that trans women are trans women, that they are people who, having been born male, benefited from the privileges that the world affords men, and that we should not say that the experience of women born female is the same as the experience of trans women.
This upset many people, and I consider their concerns to be valid. I realize that I occupy this strange position of being a ‘voice’ for gender rights and so there is an automatic import to my words.
I think the impulse to say that trans women are women just like women born female are women comes from a need to make trans issues mainstream. Because by making them mainstream, we might reduce the many oppressions they experience.
But it feels disingenuous to me. The intent is a good one but the strategy feels untrue. Diversity does not have to mean division.
Because we can oppose violence against trans women while also acknowledging differences. Because we should be able to acknowledge differences while also being supportive. Because we do not have to insist, in the name of being supportive, that everything is the same. Because we run the risk of reducing gender to a single, essentialist thing.
Perhaps I should have said trans women are trans women and cis women are cis women and all are women. Except that 'cis' is not an organic part of my vocabulary. And would probably not be understood by a majority of people. Because saying ‘trans’ and ‘cis’ acknowledges that there is a distinction between women born female and women who transition, without elevating one or the other, which was my point.
I have and will continue to stand up for the rights of transgender people. Not merely because of the violence they experience but because they are equal human beings deserving to be what they are.
I see how my saying that we should not conflate the gender experiences of trans women with that of women born female could appear as if I was suggesting that one experience is more important than the other. Or that the experiences of trans women are less valid than those of women born female. I do not think so at all – I know that trans women can be vulnerable in ways that women born female are not. This, again, is a reason to not deny the differences.
Why does this even matter?
Because at issue is gender.
Gender is a problem not because of how we look or how we identify or how we feel but because of how the world treats us.
Girls are socialized in ways that are harmful to their sense of self – to reduce themselves, to cater to the egos of men, to think of their bodies as repositories of shame. As adult women, many struggle to overcome, to unlearn, much of that social conditioning.
A trans woman is a person born male and a person who, before transitioning, was treated as male by the world. Which means that they experienced the privileges that the world accords men. This does not dismiss the pain of gender confusion or the difficult complexities of how they felt living in bodies not their own.
Because the truth about societal privilege is that it isn't about how you feel. (Anti-racist white people still benefit from race privilege in the United States). It is about how the world treats you, about the subtle and not so subtle things that you internalize and absorb.
This is not to say that trans women did not undergo difficulties as boys. But they did not undergo those particular difficulties specific to being born female, and this matters because those experiences shape how adult women born female interact with the world.
And because to be human is to be a complex amalgam of your experiences, it is disingenuous to say that their being born male has no effect on their experience of gender as trans women.
Of course there are individual differences. But there are always individual differences. We speak of ‘women’s issues’ knowing that while there are individual differences, the truth of human history is that women as a group have been treated as subordinate to men. And we speak of male privilege acknowledging that individual men differ but that men as a group are nevertheless accorded privileges by the world.
I think of feminism as Feminisms. Race and class shape our experience of gender. Sexuality shapes our experience of gender. And so when I say that I think trans women are trans women, it is not to diminish or exclude trans women but to say that we cannot insist – no matter how good our intentions – that they are the same as women born female.
Nor do I think that we need to insist that both are the same.
To acknowledge different experiences is to start to move towards more fluid – and therefore more honest and true to the real world – conceptions of gender.

~CNA

I admired Adichie's writing, but unfortunately I didn't really get a lot out of reading this short book. I think the topic that she's addressing is important, and for the most part I agreed with her individual points, but there wasn't a lot that was new here. The references to Nigerian culture were probably the most interesting to me, because they provided glimpses of unfamiliar perspectives. But the book is primarily about feminism, and in particular how to raise a daughter as a feminist. So, yes:

"Tell her that her body belongs to her and her alone, that she should never feel the need to say yes to something she does not want, to something she feels pressured to do."

On the one hand, an important point; on the other hand, something that's been said many times before. The familiarity of many of the points made the book surprisingly unmemorable; I couldn't really tell you what I learned here.

One issue that does deserve further mention is Adichie's attitude toward jargon: she doesn't like it.

"Try not to use words like 'misogyny' and 'patriarchy' too often with Chizalum. We feminists can sometimes be too jargony, and jargon can sometimes feel too abstract. Don't just label something misogynistic; tell her why it is, and tell her what would make it not be."

I had thought that the avoidance of jargon was a fairly non-controversial aspect of clear communication, and probably wouldn't have thought twice about this passage, except for the fact that Adichie has recently gotten into a lot of trouble with other people on the left for her use of language. Specifically, the word "cis" is one of those jargony words that she avoids, and people have been up in arms about her comments concerning trans women. Actually, I found her defense of her position (and a newspaper article describing the controversy more generally) far more interesting than this book, because there she's arguing for a position that's not already accepted. And my ultimate conclusion about this book is that no matter how important the topic, no matter how good the writing, it's just not that interesting to read about something that's already very familiar and widely accepted by both myself and those around me.

Do you have a feminist friend with a young daughter? I have the perfect Christmas gift idea for you - THIS BOOK.

The first book I read by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS, an excellent little feminist manifesto based on one of her TED talks (which I have seen - it was excellent, and you should definitely watch it, too). WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS is a broad perspective on why feminism is important, and how its tenets benefit society.

DEAR IJEAWELE, as the name suggests, is much more personal. It's Adichie's letter to a friend who has just given birth to a baby girl, and who wants to know how to raise her baby as a feminist in Nigeria, a somewhat patriarchal and conservative society. In DEAR IJEAWELE, Adichie gives her friend fifteen suggestions to raise her daughter in an empowering way.

While I did not enjoy DEAR IJEWAWELE as much as I did WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS, it's still a beautiful and important book. I thought Adichie gave her friend very good advice.

Here are two of my favorites:

Teach her that if you criticize X in women but do not criticize X in men, then you do not have a problem with X, you have a problem with women (17).

Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive. It is misogynistic to suggest that they are (23).

You could just as easily take a highlighter and quote the whole dang thing, though. It's that good, and that relevant. I look forward to seeing what other essays Adichie publishes in the near future. She has a fantastic writing style and always brings up such salient points - and I adore her for it.

4 out of 5 stars

Great tips to educate a child to be a feminist human being. In this case we have a girl, but it is easy to pass it to a boy, or at last most of the author's suggestion can be applied to both gender. She is and remains as usual one of my favorite author.

Ottimi suggerimenti per crescere una bambina "femminista". In questo caso si tratta di una lettera ad una bambina, ma la maggior parte dei suggerimenti dell'autrice si possono tranquillamente traslare anche ad un bambino. Comunque lei é e resta una delle mie scrittrici preferite.

This was good and I've yet to read something by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie that I haven't been impressed by or hasn't provoked me into thinking about something slightly differently than I did before. This thin, little book is composed as a letter to a friend who was seeking advice on how to raise her daughter as a feminist. Adichie offers 15 suggestions, specifically linking them to Nigerian, Igbo, and western cultures, but even these specific examples are still universal. Adichie admits that these tenants may be hard to accomplish, but we must strive to embody them to create feminists in our children and in ourselves.

What a wonderful book to start the year with! I feel like I could reread a suggestion each day for the rest of my life and not get tired of it. These are the things we need to hear. This is what everyone needs to hear. I needed to hear it as a woman, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a human. I want my son to hear these things every day of his life. I want to raise him based on these suggestions. I love the examples that Adichie uses to illustrate her points. It's beautiful and wonderful and simple and complex and such a quick read.

This author received a letter from a childhood friend, a new mother who wanted to know how to raise her baby girl to be a feminist. This book is her response. Her fifteen suggestions are excellent, eloquent and interspersed with great advice. While this is a small book it packs a lot of punch and I enjoyed it even more than her "We Should All Be Feminists." What a wonderful gift this would make for the mother of a baby girl.

Lovely. We should all have a friend like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie to write us letters and cheer us on in whatever endeavors we want to do. If you've thought at all about feminism, class, race, gender bias, you'll have thought many of these things already, but I bet you wouldn't put them so tenderly and with as much love. (Or maybe you would, in which case, you should -- we need more books like this for everyone!)

When a new mom and friend of the author asked how to raise her infant daughter to be a feminist, she wrote a letter and this book in response.

A quick, insightful read with some fifteen, perceptive suggestions on raising young girls to become strong, independent when. -- loved this short book. Be sure to read it.

"Because you are a girl' is never a reason for anything. Ever."

" Teach her to be a reader even if you have to pay her to do so."

I am of an older generation and I found the book thought provoking. I believe that women need to learn to live in todays world and to value themselves.. The author went a bit father than I would in a few suggestions. I am debating giving this book to the mother's of baby girls------and why not to the mother's of boys? The reeducation should include both men and women.

Simply excellent. No overlap with her Kindle Single on feminism. A friend asked her for tips on how to raise her daughter as a feminist, and this is the result. The text is conversational, playful and easy to grasp, yet it is never less than sharp and insightful. There are so many feminist books that try to do this and fail. I’ve read so many books and articles making similar observations, but this feels fresh and I definitely gained some new insights. Grade: A

Feminism told by this writer who wrote a letter on advice on how to raise her daughter to a friend. Straightforward and honest, and wonderful to read. It opened my eyes as a male. Realizing we all should raise our daughters this way. I respect the ideal of feminism after reading this.

While I am tempted to say that everyone should read this book, that statement sheds light on my privilege of not being personally harmed by its cisheteronormative or anti-sexwork stance, so I will instead say to read other authors with those lived experience to expand such learning, but this short book still has a great deal of value for feminists with its lens regarding racism, sexism, etc.

I wish someone had covered just half these subjects with me. I know my outlook on life and people & especially myself would have been better/different. Being 50+ plus now, I'm feeling seeing this in print, is better late than never. I will be recommending this to women my age & the younger ones in my world.

I loved the realistic and practical suggestions Adiche gives to her close friend about raising her daughter feminist. It is true we must raise children, boys and girls, differently in order to remove stigmas, myths, unfair treatment, gender based inequalities, and to promote being female equal to being male, to being human. A great short letter worth reading and gifting to others.

When my second daughter was born, I wanted to bless her with feminism from the beginning. I wish I had known of this letter then because so much of it resonates with me. The author speaks with power and confidence and I hope she finds that her words have stood up well to the test of parenting.

It is a very brief, very clear, easy-to-understand presentation of the fact that men and women are equals and should be treated as equals. Explains the unfairness of the gender stereotyping we're all taught by our cultures and describes how to raise children without inflicting gender roles on them. Excellent reading for anyone, male or female, who wishes to banish gender bias from their thinking.

What a manifesto to write to a friend with a baby girl. Lots of heart and perspectives with warnings to not not overboard either way make for an enlightening read.

Just wished to see more examples and depth in certain areas. However, worth the read especially if you digest and act on the words.

This is a quick, easy, insightful, and compassionate read. The author isn’t bossy or domineering, but passionate and compassionate. It’s written with love and understanding. And, it’s just damn good advice. I couldn’t put it down.

The suggestions in this book are great, and I found myself wanting to break out my highlighter for a lot of it. I could see myself rereading this multiple times in the future, especially if I have kids.

I loved the uplifting advice and words of wisdom. I didn't agree with everything she said (I dont think I'm a feminist). I also didn't know why a woman with a child would ask for advice on raising a child from a person who has never had a child. But, that being said, this short made me want to have a child and scared to have a child at the same time...

I had to stop and ponder every single suggestion simply because this small offering is simply packed with so much. Why is it that even though these suggestions seem more like practical wisdom and common sense when raising the girl child, they are far from intuitive in our every day lives. Chimamanda moves us from the activist chants for equality to challenging every day stereotypes and things that we can do practically to progress feminist ideals and norms, and not only educate the girl child but those she interacts with as she grows up. if you need a short read, packed with punch, this is the book to read, because frankly, we all matter equally!

I enjoyed reading this manifesto. I read it in one sitting as it is really short. I will say it feels a bit intrusive because it is a personal letter. She makes good points about being a woman and a feminist in this world. 4.5/5

Ahhhhhhh!!!! Chi-m-ama-nda. So proud of you and your gift of writing. Thank you so much for this one. It's official: I've read ALL your books. Truth is, this is my second time reading this nugget of wisdom: first, was on Medium (yassss, I follow you everywhere) and now here on Kindle. I printed this out the first time i came across it, and highlighted the entire post because it resonated so much with me. Thank you, Agu Nwanyi. Jisie ike. Ka o di. ????????????????

Written as a letter to a friend, this advice on raising a young girl to be feminist should be read by everyone with or without children, and not just girls. A fast, beautifully written and realized read. Highly recommended.

If you're familiar with Adichie, everything here will sound like something you've heard before in theme if not verbatim wording. It's such a tiny book though with not a wasted word, which I appreciate. Recommended!

Which isn't about women being better or men being better but about true equality.

This is a book that, after reading, I will certainly purchase and keep coming back to for strength when people don't acknowledge that sexism exists and that women should be nice about everything.

I believe I needed this. Reminders are good. A feminist woman need not fear motherhood as this daunting task of instilling values. Simple, straightforward ways we can teach equality are mentioned. Great read.

This is a poignant and delightful letter addressed to a friend but relevant for anyone who wants to raise girls to be feminist. Excellent suggestions that can be applied in Nigeria or anywhere in the world. I read it because I'm a grandmother who cares deeply about not only my grandkids but the world we're creating for everyone.

Loved it and highly recommend her thoughts on "when there is true equality resentment does not exist". Helps start the conversation we all need to have about speaking to young girls, unlearning things unconsciously picked up, destroying gender typical roles and being a full person in whatever way is important to you.

I say for any parent because I believe that if you are a mother or a father, you should read this book. I don't think it matters whether you have a son or daughter. I say this because in order to truly have a world where women and men are seen as equals, we must raise our daughters and our sons in this way. This is a letter to a mother who just had a baby girl. It gives her suggestions on how to raise her daughter to be a strong, capable, brave woman. I have two daughters myself. But as I was reading it I was almost wishing I had a son to raise. I would raise him with this very book in mind.

This text was different from what I initially expected as it is a letter to her friend about tips as to possibly best raise her child in this world. It brings up a lot of good points about what would be great to keep in mind when raising a child.

This was good and I've yet to read something by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie that I haven't been impressed by or hasn't provoked me into thinking about something slightly differently than I did before. This thin, little book is composed as a letter to a friend who was seeking advice on how to raise her daughter as a feminist. Adichie offers 15 suggestions, specifically linking them to Nigerian, Igbo, and western cultures, but even these specific examples are still universal. Adichie admits that these tenants may be hard to accomplish, but we must strive to embody them to create feminists in our children and in ourselves.

I found out about this book through and interview Adichie had with Trevor Noah and just had to buy it! Within the first few pages, I already felt the fire or inspiration, and feminism, flow through my mind with the words. Although I am only a teenager and far from needing this knowledge for a child of my own, I will take these suggestions and implement them in all aspects of my life. I will make sure my friends, classmates, and teachers know where I stand. I will use these suggestions when I am caring for my cousins and in the summer when I am a camp counselor. I will take these suggestions with me on all future endeavors and help change the world, little by little, person by person. Thank you, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, for crafting this wonderfully written letter!