Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

The Velvet Rage explains and explores the journeys of gay men in today's America. With great empathy, a gay therapist relates the road that gay men travel from early childhood into manhood, and their efforts in trying to cope with their situation.

Thia is a great book written by the passionate expert. The book gives gay people of all ages an access to their long forbidden and disowned feelings, and sets them free to be themselves. The book also gives specialists working with gay populations an understanding of gay culture, and of the ways to help gay people to access their life-long emotional pain. I would recommend this book to gay men of all ages, and all professionals working with gay population.

I purchased this book when my therapist (strongly) recommended it.
I was eager to start in on it and delve into some informative content that would help me better understand myself.
I was sadly disappointed. As other reviewers have stated, the author characterizes gay men to be some very specific things. He phrases these characterizations in absolute terms:
"we grew up doing/feeling this..."
"Our mothers were this way"
"We constantly ..."

This approach would be very effective to those who fit that mold, because it would ring true.
To those who don't, it creates a disconnect and distrust in the reader towards the rest of the content in the book.
By and large, I couldn't relate to most of the characterizations, and found that it took huge effort to keep with the book in an attempt to glean any useful content.
This didn't feel empowering or helpful to me. I wouldn't recommend it.

This book provides a very interesting and honest look into the homosexual male psyche and the lifestyle. Talking about all the (mostly) shared experiences all gay men can relate too. From Childhood well into our Golden years.

Easy to read, non-judgmental or preachy.

Definitely gave me a new perspective on my life and how I view things.

Highly reccommend

This book really covers the "problem" with being gay. Getting you to take a think about your growth: your rage stage, into shame and cover up---and hopefully into authenticity. Some of it is light and silly---but most of it is deep and right on and strikes a nerve. The last chapter of 10 things is truly brilliant. I feel like this is one of those books I need to keep on my shelf to pull down and refer to again and again--and I only have a few like that.

The publisher (and I know the publisher! Eek!) let this book go out with a lot of typos. Ah, the problem with cutting corners, penny pinching, etc...

But, you just have to overlook that.

This book deals with the feelings a gay man growing up in straight world. The author places the reader into an introspective situation where his questions triggers emotions and memories from his past. This book took me a while to read but does help understand why I was feeling the feelings I used to have growing up trying to be the man I can never be.

The author nails it in this most amazing well told story. This book will bring lite and understanding to all who read it and will no doubt change the way you think and help you to truly understanding the struggle and personality's of those living the gay life. I wish I read it when it first came out. Pleas do yourself the favor of reading this book you will be a better understanding person of yourself and others.

This book was recommended by a gay friend who had read it.
As I read the book, I saw that it recounted the experiences I had while growing up gay in a straight world. Reading about the different stages of the growing up part was painful, but necessary to find out about. For me, it is always empowering to be able to put a name to what happened with me as a child. This was no exception. The "overcoming" part is very succinct and simple (but maybe not easy) to implement into my current day life. Thank you for writing such an enlightening book.

Wonderful insight into the unique set of challenges that gay men face. It is reflective for the gay audience, but enlightening for the others. It gave me clarity on my own experience and helped me help myself and others.

This book is revolutionary for gay men and those who just want to come to a greater understanding of gay men. I really enjoyed this book so much I had problems with putting it down. The Velvet Rage has brought to light some difficult issues of my life that I have to deal with in order to be the person I want to be.

recommended as clarification for puzzled parents. a refreshing approach to 'it is what it is', providing explanations for addictions, self abuse, low self esteem and the long journey back to normalcy. the book gave me the tools, info and ultimate courage to embrace myself and honesty - shared with family members. A win win.
life is short. (the books also an easy read too. ) and a polished writing style.

I have loved reading this book. And after the summer I plan to read it again. I feel that this book has shaped how I approach life in a great way and I would highly recommend it to anyone: gay, straight, queer or questioning the message is the same. But the example and level of detail is what makes this book a prize!

This book is absolutely amazing. I am speechless with each page. I feel like the author is speaking directly to me. It will have you really take a deep look within. I would recommend it to all gay men.

I think most gay men will gain at least something from this book. From romantic relationships to careers, Downs thoughtfully takes the reader down a path of finding themselves. Downs nails it on the head for myself and many of the gay men I know.

Whether you are a gay man just starting your journey to discovering who you are and accepting yourself, or living a full and authentic life, this book provides a wealth of opportunities for reflection and gaining an understanding of the journey many gay men take to living authentically.

The Velvet Rage discusses topics about growing up gay and not having the support system we all need to grow into a whole gay individual. The author covers 3 stages of being gay, from growing up in a closeted existance, coming out as a young adult, then the third being those gay men who learn all they need to know to become honest and true to themselves and their lives as gay men.
The author is a gay therapist, and sites several personal examples, as well as examples from many of his clients on hardships they have encountered growing up. He also gives his theorys on why gay men have trouble finding relationships, are promiscuous, or even throw themselves into work and overcompensate with indulgent possessions.
While reading this book, I did see alot of myself in the many chapters. The Velvet Rage does have a great message, however it is a lengthy read. I found the author to be long winded many times, yet I am very glad I read his book.