The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

What a concept! This book helps us care for ourselves in a gentle manner. It helps us let go of old debilitating habits of self-criticism. It is easy to read and sprinkled with personal stories and practical exercises. I suggest this book to all my clients.

Can't say enough about this book (and seminar I went to taught by Neff). GET this book. The sound of the narrator's voice alone is soothing, but the information imparted within is life-changing. We need far MORE of what Neff espouses in our lives and in the lives of those we care for. Several of the exercises in this book are really useful and can be shared with clients, loved ones, etc.

When I first came across the term "Self-compassion", I told myself: "here we are with a new touchy-feely self-help nonsense", equaling it with "Self-pity". Shortly thereafter, I read an article by the writer Neff on greatergood and then I found out that this concept is a real thread that is woven deeply in the fabric of our human nature.
From our early ages, we have been taught to be special and above average, forcing us to feel better than others, to seek the illusion of perfectionism, to beat ourselves up for every mistake we make, no matter how serious this mistake is. We have not learnt to relate to ourselves in kind and compassionate way, and that what this amazing book is all about.
Since the writer has experienced the emotions and feelings of inadequacies and shortfalls first-hand, the practicality and pragmatism of the book has been fantastic, making it real guide to cope with the intense feelings of stress, frustration, despair, self-criticism, and self-imposed limitations.
Self-compassion is an indispensable emotional and cognitive skill to survive and even thrive in this ever-competitive world.
However, I disagree with the writer on some of the concepts laid down in the text, such as: our responsibilities towards our mistakes, which I found a bit indulgent, and the relationship between Self-compassion and our romantic lives (chapter 11), which I found it not in harmony with our pure human nature as straight-sex beings.

Self care, compassion, and kindness can help even the most desperate cynics, myself included. It does not sugar coat that life is fraught with sorrow, culture with competition and perfection, and that we undercut ourselves. But there is a way to opt out - appreciate your worth, your positive experiences, and comfort rather than judge your pain. Much needed for me, a harsh self critic since my earliest memories. Thankful!

In working with my health coaching clients, I have found this book to be indispensable. I find that self-compassion is an essential nutrient that most of us are desperately lacking in. After reading Dr. Neff's book, I began to inquire specifically about this with each of my clients. I was not surprised to find that most of my clients rate their level of self-compassion at a 4 or 5 out of 10. If a person is receptive to working on this area, I offer them a copy of this book. Not surprisingly, most people find it enlightening and transformative. It is such a joy to watch people become kinder to themselves, grow and transform their lives. I'm so grateful to be in a position to offer Dr. Neff's wisdom and the scientific data that substantiates it. Now, I encourage people to focus on self-compassion as much as I encourage them to eat fruits and vegetables. The benefits are exponential.

This book taught me so much about myself that I felt I never knew, but it all made so much sense when it came to light. The author is a little quirky, especially toward the end, but I really loved this book. I hate "self-help" books, but this is life-changing. I let everyone borrow it who has trouble loving themselves like I do.

I am a psychotherapist who thought there has been too much focus on self-esteem rather than self-compassion. Kristin Neff's book fills this gap. A wonderful read with activities to work through that could be helpful for anyone who feels they are overly critical of themselves or has a streak of perfectionism.

I have found the concepts described in this book quite logical and helpful. This book really works as it helped me to change the relation with myself and consequently with other people for the better. The idea of self compassion and feel and talk to yourself as a good friend it makes so much sense. I highly recommend it !

This book is completely life changing! I recommend it to everyone I know, and use the concepts consistently in my therapy practice. Thank you Dr. Kristin Neff for pioneering a blueprint for self-compassion.

This book changed my life. I never realized how negative I am to myself until I read this book. The activities and lessons within are so useful. I will definitely revisit this book over and over again! I've been recommending it to all of my friends.

I am only about a fourth finished with this book, but so far I think it's one that we all should read. Because most of us have been criticized during our childhood by someone, we tend to be hard on ourselves. I am seeing that I am able to be kind to myself just as I want to be kind to others. Why can't we treat ourselves equally well?

I really wanted to like this book-- Dr. Neff is researcher, her work is endorsed by Brene Brown, and the topic is an important one. Unfortunately, I found most of the book to be trite. Dr. Neff doesn't distinguish between beating yourself up for things that are not your fault (such as not being as beautiful as a supermodel) vs. feeling guilty because you did something wrong (such as have an extramarital affair). The exercises that she suggests are trite and obvious (for example, she suggests giving yourself a hug while murmuring comforting words). The book also veers into the bizarre, where Dr. Neff talks about how she used compassion to heal the "hurt little girl" inside her while having sex, during which she "got clear mental images of women passing through my body and being released." Even more bizarre is Dr. Neff's description of her and her husband's being beaten with a rawhide thong by a shaman while participating in a healing ritual for their autistic son. (The son was not beaten, just Dr. Neff and her husband were). I really can't recommend this book. A much more useful book for dealing with negative self talk is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

I felt this book is excellent. It combines research information on the clinical use of self-compassion with personal stories of its success in helping people that the author had known and worked with, as well as examples of its successful use in her personal life. Although the whole book has a warm, readable style, the author's personal stories in particular are written with a heartfelt honesty and vulnerability which I greatly admired (and also illustrated the power of self-compassion very well). The book does a great job of balancing useful background information with techniques that anyone can use to incorporate self-compassion into his or her own life. It would serve as a fantastic introduction and primer to the subject of self-compassion (which I agree is an incredibly powerful approach for self-healing and growth) as well as a valuable resource of additional information for those already familiar with the concept from other sources.

I felt this book is excellent. It combines research information on the clinical use of self-compassion with personal stories of its success in helping people that the author had known and worked with, as well as examples of its successful use in her personal life. Although the whole book has a warm, readable style, the author's personal stories in particular are written with a heartfelt honesty and vulnerability which I greatly admired (and also illustrated the power of self-compassion very well). The book does a great job of balancing useful background information with techniques that anyone can use to incorporate self-compassion into his or her own life. It would serve as a fantastic introduction and primer to the subject of self-compassion (which I agree is an incredibly powerful approach for self-healing and growth) as well as a valuable resource of additional information for those already familiar with the concept from other sources.

Having just got this book, I skimmed through it, first. I, too, am puzzled about the shaman episode with Rupert, her and the boy..I hope I
CAN get better, more useful learning from this book, than that. I've been my own worst critic all my life, and I hope that this book would help turn me more in the direction of being kinder, more caring about ME. Most of my life, I've been a strong Christian, but in my book/Bible reading, I never have seen anything much about being kind, caring, compassionate with yourself..Christianity wants you to be kind, caring for God first, then others, then yourself..but if you ARE your own worst critic, this just isnt enough..not only do you harshly judge yourself, but you feel like God judges you harshly as well. I know the Bible says, we are to love others AS ourself..but self compassion is badly needed, even if it is based on Buddhist teachings.

This book is, in a word, awesome. I'm a young woman who's been having very difficult issues as a result of insecurities, rock bottom self-esteem, and perfectionism since around age 9 (that I can remember) and this is one of the most helpful things I've found on my journey to healing. Instead of recommending an endless barrage of positive self-talk to candy coat our problems, Kristin Neff really digs down to reveal the definition of self-compassion and it's components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Her writing style is very down to earth and she speaks from experience. With the exercises scattered throughout the book she allows you to take a good, honest look at yourself without judgement so you can understand your issues and their roots in a compassionate and loving way, recognizing that we are all products of millions of factors that are out of our control, that we are all imperfect and thus human. Her own stories show that she herself has experienced lack of self-compassion and that her research is not just some dissertation concerning others, but is a real path to self-discovery for her and in turn, for the reader. Perhaps because she is a woman drawing from her own experiences, this book seems especially tailored to the issues faced by women in our day and age, though the exercises and methods are universally applicable.

If you often think you're not good enough, if you judge others or yourself harshly, if you deal with persistent fear or shame, or if you have some issues that just won't go away, give this book a shot. It just might change your life.

Values, morals, and ethics shouldn't be discarded so easily in the process. Something felt off the whole way through; I finally realized what it was when she criticized Doris Day for striving to live a moral, ethical, and good life on and off screen. Self-Compassion is good, but values, morals, and ethics shouldn't be discarded in the process.

I just didn't like this book. I found some types of self-compassion--not realistic to me. The author, writes from a female perspective mostly. She also likes to refer to her own Buddhist philosophy background which everyone probably doesn't agree. At the end of the book, she sums up in a few paragraphs the point of the whole book if you would like to cheat on this book.

Felt like this book was more about the author's life than self compassion. Just way too much personal info about her mistakes; her father; her affair; her mother; her religious veiws (she speaks of them often)...I mean, I was looking for something to help me and those I love but instead ended up listening to an autobiography. I will say this, however, there's some good info in this book. I'm not gonna say it's 100% bad. I just don't feel the style kept the reader's point of view in mind.

Leading psychologist Kristin Neff's groundbreaking book, "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind" shows us how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and learn to be kind to ourselves. Using personal stories, empirical research and practical exercises she explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns to become healthier, happier, and more effective.
Our ultracompetitive culture, the relentless pursuit of high self-esteem and the need to be above average to feel good about ourselves makes our sense of self-worth rise and fall in lockstep with our latest success or failure. She says many experts now see self-compassion as a more powerful and effective alternative to self-esteem. Their research shows that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable and kick in precisely when self-esteem falls down.
Current research shows there are holes in over emphasizing high self-esteem as an indicator of healthy behavior. Neff says high self-esteem is a consequence rather than a cause of healthy behavior. Narcissists and sociopaths generally have extremely high self-esteem (inflated, unrealistic perceptions of themselves) and tend to blame others for negative consequences. Jean Twenge's book, "Generation Me, the Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement" speaks eloquently about the problem.
Neff says thoughts and emotions have an effect on our bodies: self-compassion triggers oxcytocin the hormone of "love and bonding" and "tend and befriend" whereas self-criticism elicits an increase in blood pressure, adrenalin and the hormone cortisol.
Self-compassion stops self-judgment and actively comforts us just as we would a dear friend. Warm tender feelings towards ourselves (self-compassion) makes us feel safe, calm, content, trusting and stops us from operating from a place of fear.
She says self-kindness, recognition of our common humanity and mindfulness form the basis of self-compassion. Mindfulness is noticing our pain without exaggeration, interpretation and over identification. Self-compassion enables us to face emotions head-on and allows positive emotions to replace the negative ones.
Self-compassion asks us to accept and acknowledge our pain, remember suffering is a part of life, be kind and compassionate with ourselves and learn from our mistakes.
Neff warns that self-compassion is not a magical cure to resist or eliminate pain; it's a way to shift the focus from "cure" to "care."
Self-compassion enables us to define our worth not as a label, judgment, or evaluation. It relates to the mystery of who we are - a dynamic work in progress. It honors our strengths and weaknesses, does not define us by our success or failure, does not depend on an outcome, being special or above average. The emphasis is on the value of experience and on the journey not the destination.
Self-criticism asks, "Am I good enough?" Self-compassion asks, "What's good for me?" It taps into your inner reserve to be healthy and happy.
When tense, upset, sad or self-critical Neff recommends giving ourselves a warm hug and using sympathetic language with ourselves. Pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional.
Her book powerfully demonstrates the importance of self-compassion and the need to give ourselves the same caring support we'd give to a good friend.
This book has the power to change lives.

Okay, I had to stop reading this. I'm upset and I usually wouldn't leave a review when I'm upset but I feel people should know why I couldn't continue reading this book.

First, let me state that some of the exercises at the beginning of the book were interesting and helpful, although a tad silly. I'm okay with being silly, so I didn't mind these exercises at all. I was bothered by the spiritual aspect of this book, since the blurb did not mention it was a spiritual book. I was hoping for a more scientific book. But, again, whatever. I kept reading and then I got to the part where she realizes her son is autistic, and I lost it. Her expectations of him were lacking compassion and she doesn't have the insight to realize that. I mean she had HUGE expectations of him. And she finally gets around to seeing her son as a human being and not as her expectations after she thinks of how bad other families have it. How she finally came to seeing her son as a beautiful human being is soooooo not compassionate that it's kind of weird. She has to think of how awful other families have things too before she finds it within herself to see her son as a human being. I just couldn't continue after reading that. It was glaringly lacking insight into compassion.

Stay clear of this awful book. The author stumbles through the first three chapters trying to put some sort of academic muscle behind her very thin thesis. This is complemented by exercises that seem to have been culled from the worst submissions to Psych 100 assignments. Finally, at the end of chapter three we find out why the author is having such a difficult time with the subject of compassion. The author reveals that she is a sociopath completely incapable of any sort of compassion. She relays in gloating terms how she treats marriages (both her own and others) with less compassion than your average two-ply bathroom tissue user displays towards that product (ironically, she puts marriage to roughly the same use as a typical bathroom tissue user.) After gleefully ruining both her own sad marriage and that of a creepy colleague, the author then merrily skips off to India to find another life to destroy, presumably while lathering herself with "self-compassion". Shame on the publisher for getting this garbage on the market. Avoid this and work with Sharon Salzberg's wonderful book instead.

I am an avid reader and almost never write reviews but I was so disappointed in this book. As I mentioned in my title you'll want your money back, I know I do.

When you buy a book like this your either trying to gain some new information or help move the information you already have into your daily life. This book offers no help toward either. The author seems to think saying "write down 5 ways your not self compassionate. Oh, don't forget to be honest" makes good content for publication. Ya, no thanks, I could figure out that "exercse" on my own.

I should also say that I decided to read this because Brenee Brown mentions it in Daring Greatly. A book I really enjoyed. Unfortunately Self-Compassion did not even begin to measure up.

I hope this review helped and if your still not sure read the first chapter before you buy!! I wish I had!

I'm finding it very hard to pace through this book, since the building block is that you need to be compassionate, toward your self critic as well. My critic is the voice of my dad for the most part, and I simply refuse to be compassionate towards him. Non judgmental? Definitely, but kit compassionate.
This idea hurts those of us, who are guilt ridden and therefore can't build a sense of self. For example, I did the exercise of the critic, criticized and compassionate self; and I quickly realized that the self critic can sometimes adopt the voice of a sociopath. You can't expect me to show compassion here!

Given the fact that we have to live with ourselves 24/7, it's not too surprising just how important self-compassion is to our quality of life. This gem of a book is certainly a testament to that.

In the words of the author:
"Self-compassion is a powerful way to achieve emotional well-being and contentment in our lives. By giving ourselves unconditional kindness and comfort while embracing the human experience, difficult as it is, we avoid destructive patterns of fear, negativity, and isolation. At the same time, self-compassion fosters positive mind states such as happiness and optimism. The nurturing quality of self-compassion allows us to flourish, to appreciate the beauty and richness of life, even in hard times." (pp. 12-13)

Still thinking that beating yourself up with self-criticism is more effective than comforting yourself with self-compassion, and that self-compassion is really just a form of self-pity or self-indulgence? Then, just take a look at some of the facts. In comparison to self-critical people, self-compassionate people:
* Tend to be less anxious and depressed (p. 110)
* Are significantly less likely to suppress unwanted thoughts and emotions (p. 117)
* Have better emotional coping skills and are better able to deal with life challenges (p.123 )
* Demonstrate less severe symptoms of PTSD (p. 124)
* Are more self-accepting regardless of the degree of praise they get receive from others. [Those with high self-esteem (and low self-compassion), on the other hand, only thrive when the reviews are good, and may resort to evasive and counterproductive tactics when there's a possibility of facing any unpleasant truths about themselves.] (p. 155)
* Have steadier and more constant feelings of self-worth and have less social comparison and need to retaliate perceived personal slights (p. 156)
* Are more likely to have learning rather than performance goals are therefore more willing to take learning risks that foster learning and growth (p. 170)
* Tend to be more authentic and autonomous in their lives (p. 173)
* Are better able to create close, authentic, and mutually supportive friendships (p. 190)
* Are more likely to be emotionally attuned to their children (p. 213)
* Have happier and more satisfying romantic relationships (p. 229)
* Experience more positive emotions in their lives--such as enthusiasm, interest, inspiration, and excitement (p. 255)
* Are much more optimistic and more satisfied with their lives (p. 255)

After exploring the three key components of self-compassion (self-kindness, common humanity, and present mindfulness), the author shares ways to gradually develop your ability to be more self-compassionate. But, if you're worried that you'll never be able to replace your self-critic with a more compassionate self, you might take comfort in her (appropriately compassionate) approach:
"We don't need to be perfect to feel good about ourselves, and our lives don't need to be any certain way for us to be content. Every one of us has the capacity for resilience, growth, and happiness, simply by relating to our ever-arising experience with both compassion and appreciation. And if you feel you can't change, that it's too hard, that the countervailing forces of our culture are too strong, then have compassion for that feeling and start from there. Each new moment presents an opportunity for a radically different way of being. We can embrace both the joy and the sorrow of being human, and by doing so we can transform our lives." (p. 283)

As a therapist, I've often said that if I had to give one prescription to people, it would be self-compassion. I feel like this book is the metaphorical pill form of that prescription. (The author's poignant, accessible, and compelling writing style makes the dose easy-to-swallow and immediately effective!) So, not surprisingly, I whole-heartedly recommend this book.

It's true that wherever you go, there you are. And, being able to have self-compassion for yourself wherever you're at makes all the difference in life.

Open this book, open your heart, open your life. It's the compassionate thing to do.

'Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself' is a book that discuss the meaning of self-compassion in all matters of life. What is self-compassion, how does it impact ones life, and the life of others? The author, Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher, and Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin, explains why self-compassion is so important and backs it up through lot's of scientific research studies. Self-compassion can transform our lives, the way we live, parent, interact with others, and work. Self-compassion, self-kindness, self-appreciation and more are explained, backed up with scientific researches and also illustrated by the authors personal life stories. Quote: "Self-appreciation and self-compassion are really two sides of the same coin. One is focused on what brings us pleasure, the other on what brings us suffering. One celebrates our strengths as humans, the other accepts our weaknesses." A wonderful read! Great inspiration!

I lived with constant negative self-talk my entire life. From the second I woke up my mind was busy and frantic with worry, criticism, anger, sadness, disappointment and anxiety. Literally, within seconds of waking up! I have seen a therapist for over 2 years, tried religion, yoga, detoxing, reading self held books, studying the course in miracles, etc. Not ONE of those things has come remotely close to affecting me the way this book has.

I am so touched by this book. It is by far an instant classic for all human beings. Discover it for yourself. I found it at the library and will be purchasing it for my own reference for years to come. It has been the only book to crack the code in terms of healing myself. Self-compassion is the missing element in healing depression, anxiety, compulsive behavior, chronic pain, etc. it is overlooked and underutilized and often mistaken for self-esteem and boasting.

The term "life-changing" now MEANS something to me. I have been profoundly and deeply changed by this book. My life is radically different. I'm happy for the first time since I was a small child. And not just happy, but maintaing happiness. This is coming from someone who has lived with anxiety and depression his entire life.

Thank you Dr. Kristin Neff for writing this book. It is so necessary to all human beings. I wish it was required reading for all. It is written with so much love and compassion. I cannot totally express what this book has done for me as it is something I feel and cannot put into words. Peace might be a great word to use. Peace. Finally. Thank You.

The Other Kind of Smart: Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success

There are many reasons that this book will end up tattered, marked and well used on my bookshelf. It is filled with a great deal of research and examples from the author's own practice. There is an interesting quiz that let's reader's find out how self critical they are. Throughout the book there are helpful and interesting exercises that make the reader feel like an active participant, rather than a detached observer. The most important feature for me however is the author's sharing of her personal struggles with self criticism. This sharing gives her credibility in my books. She is not just not another academic imparting wisdom to the masses, but a struggling human being like the rest of us, who has through her own journey learned a few things and wants to share them.

I just finished this book, and it is exactly what I have been looking for. I have several years of self criticism under my belt, and I never knew how destructive it was until I met my husband. Whenever anything went wrong with us, it turned into a huge ordeal and I shamed myself to the max and took it all on as my fault. I had read several other books trying to find something that would "click", desperate to try to put an end to my destructive ways. I came across Dr. Neff's work through Brene Brown (who is also amazing, but...). This is exactly what my soul needed. It all seems so simple, but when you struggle so much with self compassion it's definitely not easy. I wish I would have found this book years ago. I finished this book feeling like a visceral change had taken place, and I finally believe I can overcome my negative habits. So incredibly grateful for this book.

Dr. Neff has written a rather run of the mill book on self compassion. That's not to say it's a bad book. It just really doesn't offer anything new that you haven't already read in other books on the topic. Nor does the prose do anything to really make the book stand out among its peers. That said, if you haven't read other books on mindfulness or self compassion, you wouldn't be wrong to invest money in this one.

The author explains that it's our need for self validation that drives a lot of our opinions of ourselves and others. We seek to be dominant over others because our superiority over them will reduce the chances of rejections. Thus, when we don't measure, up, we become incredibly hard on ourselves, as we believe this will motivate us to do better or take more definitive actions to get what we want. If we had critical parents, this tendency will only burrow itself deeper into our psyches and result in much pain and suffering. The solution is self compassion, which involves
- self kindness (understanding and accepting our frailties)
- mindfulness (being in the present moment)
- embracing our common humanity (kinda related to self kindness, but in a way that realizes that growth is possible)

The author then goes on to discuss the benefits of self compassion:
- a reduction in anxiety and depression
- allowing us to develop a more healthy self esteem (and to not be so concerned with being the best at everything)
- greater forgiveness and empathy
- improved relationships with others
- a greater openness to new experiences
- a sense that you are loved and cared for

Towards the end of the book, it gets a little strange. The author's discussion of "healing the wounds of women throughout history" (page 241) struck me as rather ridiculous, especially since she was thinking about all of this during sex. Huh?

On page 255, she talks about positive psychology, and how therapists in this school focus more on what's right with us than what is wrong, and relates it to self compassion. I don't have a problem with this, but in my experience with therapy, I also need to focus on - and face - what is wrong, in order to find a solution to the problem. If you ignore the negative, bad emotions will continue to plague you until you deal with them. Or to put it another way, "you can't just bury your problems deep within yourself. They'll find a way to come back out."

Lastly, from pages 258-265, she discusses a trip she took with her family to Mongolia to visit a shaman who might be able to cure her son's autism. I think she could've cut out a lot of the unnecessary detail in the story and gotten to the point ("it was an excellent trip to really put self compassion into practice to come to terms with our son's situation") a lot quicker.

Overall, this book is perfectly acceptable if you're unfamiliar with how to go about improving the quality of joy, happiness, and self contentment if your life. That said, I think there are other books out there that deal with these topics more in depth. On that note, I would like to mention that a person, responding to this review, suggested that I recommend other books that people might want to look into.

So here are a few that I'm reading right now:

For mindfulness, I would suggest The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness (Book & CD). Although the writing in Dr. Neff's book is tighter than MWTD, MWTD features a more in depth discussion of mindfulness and several different mindfulness techniques.

To inject more happiness in your life, you can read either The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want or Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy features many great cognitive techniques to combat negative thoughts and feelings.

Then again, maybe you don't want to spend money on several different books. In that case, you wouldn't be wrong to go with Dr. Neff's tome.

My twenty-three year old son is reading this book for a family life class in college. He recently called me and told me that he had ordered the book for me on the store and that I needed to read it as soon as it came. What a great gift it has been! This book is powerful and life changing. Since reading the very first page, I have found myself applying it's principles of compassion daily towards myself. In a time in our world where we tend to be so hard on ourselves with negative self talk and fall into the traps of constantly comparing our worst days to everyone else's best days, this book is a welcomed reprieve. I highly recommend it!

In Kristin Neff's (Ph.D.) self-help book, "Self-Compassion", she does a great job of explaining the benefits of a healthy level of self-compassion and self-appreciation. She is heavy on the Buddhist philosophy, recognizing that the human experience involves pain and we are all imperfect. Although she says self-esteem and self-compassion go well together, I appreciate how she makes comparisons and explains the differences between the two. She refers to loads of research, including her own, combined with her own personal stories and anecdotes to drive the messages home in a simple-to-understand way.

I appreciate her easy-to-read and personal style of writing. I am a social worker myself, so I can see myself applying these concepts to not only work I do with others, but also to myself. Her exercises provide practical and easy ways to explore self-compassion in a non-threatening way. The "self-compassion mantra" is especially helpful. "Taking care of the caregiver" exercise gives the caregiver many ideas of ways to meet his/her own needs and enhance quality of life (ex. get a massage, take a walk in nature, go dancing). Many other exercises provide tools and examples of how to explore the subject in a personal way.

Overall, this book makes me think about self-compassion, self-care and how we are not really "taught" how to take care of ourselves. It leaves me with more questions and has ignited my interest and curiosity in the subject.

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW
Author/Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

I was hoping this book would go more depth about self-compassion after listening to Kristen's audio course on The Mindfulness App. This book didn't provide any new insight on this topic that she didn't already cover on the audio course, or in her speeches found on YouTube. I heard from other reviewers that her new Workbook is just a copy-and-paste of her past works, so I won't be picking that up. Thankfully, this was a free audio-book from an Audible trial. Even the majority of the exercises are already found on her website for free!

Self Compassion is a well narrated book. I learn a few more tips to become more aware of my thought and feelings. This book is an extended version of the Power of Now. The author articulated in more details than Eckhart Tolle. Plus, she gave some practical tips as to how to soothe myself. I am grateful that the book came at the right time.

Although the title seemed corny and almost cliche, I decided to read this book after receiving recommendations from multiple people. Although the concepts are quite touchy-feely sometimes, something I'm a little less comfortable with, it is very well researched and supported with relatable examples that allowed me to see the concepts in action in my own life. The exercises are simple, yet effective and I find myself incorporating these changes in thinking and behavior into my life almost immediately. The challenges this book addresses are universal across all human beings and therefore applicable to all. Would call this a must-read for anyone with a beating heart and functioning my mind.

I am from Mexico city. Since I was a child, I had been struggling with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. This book provide me a path to deal with the nasty emotion that I am not enough, that to be worthy, you must be perfect and be number one.
Of course, nobody is perfect, and most of the time, you cannot be number one. This insightful book helps you to accept yourself just as you are, to be kind to yourself.
I was reading and rereading Radical Self-acceptance, it is a wonderful book, but I found it a little abstract and cannot understand many key concepts. The exercises and meditations that Kristin Neff propose are surprisingly clear. Help me to take advantage of Pema Chodrön and Tara Brach teachings.
A must read Book

I was glued to this book the minute I picked it up, Kristin Neff PhD has since changed my life forever. The fact that everything she writes about is empirically supported through clinical self-compassion evidence provides credible trust and validates (finally) systems that everyone can follow for a better, happier and more fulfilled life.

Covering childhood trauma through to spouse relationships, self criticism and fear, the Guided Self-Compassion Meditations, experiential practices, and on-the-spot techniques have an immediate and powerful effect, respite and a source of (betterment) change; a profoundly positive experience.

She doesn't stop there, techniques to help you find some kind of balance in our globalised world where nothing is 'good enough' and everyone seeks perfection, to and of ourselves. Kristin Neff's techniques yield immediate and long lasting results. I wholeheartedly recommend this purchase, irrespective of background, education, belief or status, Self-Compassion is the new "Unlimited Being"

It's so simple, you'll think, "Why haven't been doing this?!" Self-Compassion is about asking yourself a very simple question: Why do I treat myself worse than I would treat a complete stranger?

This book really made me realize how often I said insulting, negative and horrible things to myself, and what I needed to do to change tracks and start giving myself a break. It goes into the reasons why we as a species are susceptible to negative thinking, and how to overcome it.

It's not only amazing subject matter, but it's written in an engaging and entertaining way. Dr. Neff writes with an excellent combination of scientific analysis and personal experience.

I would (and do) highly recommend this book to everyone!

Thank you, Dr. Neff, you really have changed my life.

I came to the path of self compassion after suffering from over 20 years of eating disorders and perfectionism. At first, I was hesitant and skeptical. But over time, I found self compassion to be a valuable practice in fostering my recovery and in finding more peace in everyday life.

If you're new to self compassion, this book does an excellent job of introducing you to the concept as well as summarizing the latest research. It also offers guided exercises, practical how tos, stories and examples (the most touching were the ones from the author's own life.) It was a pleasure to read.

Even if self compassion isn't new to you, reading this book is an affirmation of why this path is so important.

Reading Kristin's book is like receiving a warm hug - a dose of compassion! - as it gently, wisely, and passionately reminds us that it is hard to be a human being; we're all in this together; and we feel much more powerful and hopeful when we offer ourselves kindness.

I highly recommend it.

I'm a big fan of this book and the concept of self-compassion. Instead of striving to be the best, number 1, etc., which puts us in competition with others and inevitably leads to feeling like a less than at some point in our lives, it's so much more practical and healthy to be kind to ourselves and accept our human-ness. Dr. Neff backs up her argument with sound research. It's not just touchy-feely stuff.

This book is very practical, deeply philosophical while being easy to read, and manages to incorporate a vast amount of scientific studies in a useful "how to" format. It is rare to find books that are both easy to read and highly, highly intelligent, but this is one of them.

I should also add that this book has enhanced my life greatly, and is one of the main reasons I am still alive despite my depression.

This is definitely one of the best "self-help" and inspirational books of the dozens I've read over the years.

The author has spent years reseaching the subject of self-compassion and has the academic background and credentials to validate her work. At the same time, the book is very readable, entertaining and often humorous. Her personal experiences and those of acquaintances referred to in the book help make it lively and contribute to its interest.

Self-compassion is such an important concept and so useful in helping achieve inner peace and contentment in life. What a shame our society has overlooked this idea until recently.

Hopefully, many, many people will read this book and benefit from its insights into the human condition and the many helpful suggestions for improving the quality and happiness in their lives.

This book has brought me a new way to see myself, to see others and to understand all those internal dialogues that do not contribute to well being. Just amazing how her words about personal experience and also studies on the subject can open our hearts, just to have a more self compassionate mind ! Bravo Kristin Neff ! thanks for this book and please continue with passion on compassion...

This is probably one of the worst books I have read. Specially becahse I expect more from a Phd writer... Researchs are mention as "one study done..." without any further information... I would expect more precisition and not only posting a list of research at the end of the book. It looks like the examples of the book are made up and they are not based in any statistics and not supported by anything. She allways use herself as example which is quite boring. More? Oooo yeah more... The book is not good organized, it is confused, full of contradictions and use weak arguments based on parents child relationships to support weak concepts. I was reading it and telling old the time: no, no, no. Of course not... because I could find other examples which show the contrary... And many things were just not connected at all...like she mention old studies and then she comes back to the self-compasion without any clear connection at all.... What can I say?.. The examples are rare and not real.... Well... I could find out things in each page but I am not that freak.... Well I just do not personally recommend this book and even though I could say more... I think I have said enough so that you kind of things twice before buying it.... The self-compassion is a nice topic and this book is a try... I hope there are better around

I have read quite a few books around this topic already, but this one was not for me. Already after the first 30 pages or so, I got so angry that I had to put it away. Why? When we read these kind of books it is either because we are seeking help or because we are interested in the topic. If you are seeking help, you know this book is for you if you find similarities between you, your life and your struggle and the situations or personalities described in the book. If the descriptions in the book are neutral without any judgment it is comforting because it allows you to realize that you are not alone (others struggle as well). Kristin Neff however struck my nerve by using words that I found highly judgmental. Often when describing certain situations or behaviors she uses descriptors like "melodramatic", "neurotic behavior" or describes people's struggle as "their own soup opera". I found this very insulting and highly judgmental. This is not what I would expect from an author who is trying to teach compassion or self compassion for that matter.

I shut this off the minute the narrator started talking about Harry Harlow's "clever" "if ethically questionable" experiments on infant primates. Are. You. Kidding. Me?? I'm going to demand my money back. A sadist who tried to make sticking spikes in helpless infants important and scientific. There are more relevant, actual human examples, sadly. The use of such outdated and unbelievably barbaric examples of "research" really makes me question the author's credibility. And by the way, the expression is COULDN'T care less, not "could".

I was very disappointed with the author. I cannot support her by purchasing her work, nor can I take advice from someone who had had an extramarital affair. Fortunately, the store allows returns for digital purchases.

When one is grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, follows the commandments, embraces the Atonement, and lives into the Spirit that dwells in those who have baptized and confirmed by the authority of the True and Living Church (LDS), the contents of this book become superfluous. Real self-love only comes from being in close relationship with Heavenly Father.

I can only imagine that the other reviewers of this book - all 5 stars, as of this writing - are all Buddhists from Berkely, who hug themselves and caress their arms and faces in a feeble attempt to generate happy, touchy-feely feelings of wonderfulness. Yes, self-compassion, or as I like to put it, giving yourself a break, is an important life practice. Reading this book, written by a very disturbed and incompetent author, is not a form of self-compassion. I made it only about 50 pages into the book before actually throwing it in the trash. I wouldn't give this drivel to my worst enemy.

Allowing science to measure what might be called "self-love" or "love for self" when dwelling on the negative aspects of self (as contrasted with "self-appreciation," when dwelling on positive aspects of self), Dr. Neff has developed a rigorous measure of self-compassion (containing self-kindness, mindfulness, & common humanity subscales), and written a powerful book, which weaves her 15-plus years of scholarship and life story, into a captivating read, teaching us to embrace our ordinary experiences of suffering (with kindness, mindfulness, & "common humanity" awareness) and thereby transform them into something extraordinary!

This book has taught me some important life lessons. While there were some areas of this book that proved to be challenging for me to understand and accept, overall I liked the message and believe that learning to be kinder to oneself is key to living a happy and fulfilling life. I definitely have applied some of the practical lessons on a day to day basis. Highly recommended for those who need a primer in treating themselves better.

My twenty-three year old son is reading this book for a family life class in college. He recently called me and told me that he had ordered the book for me on the store and that I needed to read it as soon as it came. What a great gift it has been! This book is powerful and life changing. Since reading the very first page, I have found myself applying it's principles of compassion daily towards myself. In a time in our world where we tend to be so hard on ourselves with negative self talk and fall into the traps of constantly comparing our worst days to everyone else's best days, this book is a welcomed reprieve. I highly recommend it!

I was hoping this book would go more depth about self-compassion after listening to Kristen's audio course on The Mindfulness App. This book didn't provide any new insight on this topic that she didn't already cover on the audio course, or in her speeches found on YouTube. I heard from other reviewers that her new Workbook is just a copy-and-paste of her past works, so I won't be picking that up. Thankfully, this was a free audio-book from an Audible trial. Even the majority of the exercises are already found on her website for free!

In Kristin Neff's (Ph.D.) self-help book, "Self-Compassion", she does a great job of explaining the benefits of a healthy level of self-compassion and self-appreciation. She is heavy on the Buddhist philosophy, recognizing that the human experience involves pain and we are all imperfect. Although she says self-esteem and self-compassion go well together, I appreciate how she makes comparisons and explains the differences between the two. She refers to loads of research, including her own, combined with her own personal stories and anecdotes to drive the messages home in a simple-to-understand way.

I appreciate her easy-to-read and personal style of writing. I am a social worker myself, so I can see myself applying these concepts to not only work I do with others, but also to myself. Her exercises provide practical and easy ways to explore self-compassion in a non-threatening way. The "self-compassion mantra" is especially helpful. "Taking care of the caregiver" exercise gives the caregiver many ideas of ways to meet his/her own needs and enhance quality of life (ex. get a massage, take a walk in nature, go dancing). Many other exercises provide tools and examples of how to explore the subject in a personal way.

Overall, this book makes me think about self-compassion, self-care and how we are not really "taught" how to take care of ourselves. It leaves me with more questions and has ignited my interest and curiosity in the subject.

Angela G. Gentile, MSW, RSW
Author/Specialist in Aging
www.AngelaGGentile.com

A truly amazing read that gives you an understanding of why self-compassion is important, provides the research to back up its effectiveness, and gives you strategies of how to change your mindset to provide yourself with self-compassion (which has shown to greatly improve life satisfaction).