How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

One of the best books on this topic. Excellent information, with lots of links and suggestions for additional information on the many issues covered. She almost completely avoids blaming the victim as a co-dependent or addict, except for one section, but the rest of the book is very credible. After finally seeing the light while in a 27-year marriage and horrific work situation, I have now read over 50 books on various aspects of narcissism, including many types of addictions, and I have to say this is the most thorough of any of them. Ms. Arabi speaks from the heart, and from painful personal experience. Thank you!

Wonderful book with tons of information, resource sites, blog sites, and material. The author understands the narcissist mindset because of her own personal experiences and years of study and research. She decided to take her traumatic experiences and turn them into a "purposeful" life of helping others. She and other authors in this book offer validation to the traumatic interactions/aftermaths of dealing with a narcissist. They also understand that often the victim is "victimized" again by others who don't or WON'T believe them. How in the world could someone so "sweet" or "such a popular figure in the community" be as bad as the victim says? So - the victim feels isolated. Knowledge is power - so, as much as one can glean information about narcissism the better! I agree with the author - "No contact" is the best answer if it is possible. Another fantastic book is MALIGNANT SELF-LOVE by Sam Vaknin. One of the absolute best resources.

After reading several books, articles, viewing many videos, I fell upon The Smart's Girl Guide and Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare. They are not only both intelligently written, they are perhaps the most thorough books on the topic of this type of abuse. Anyone who has ever been with a narcissist understands the hellish relationship, but at times it's difficult to make sense of it all! I highly recommend these 2
Books over all others for yourself and to help you explain to other what narcissistic abusive relationship really is. Thank you Shahida. ♥️

Sweeping, comprehensive and very accurate in its description of the feelings a victim experiences as well as the behavior of a narcissist. Much more focused on female victims rather than male victims and also riddled with many spelling, grammar and formatting mistakes, which at times makes it difficult to read. For the most part, worth reading if you are trying to understand what narcissists do to your sense of self and how to begin recovering.

Medicine in words. We need too much positivity and clarity after these experiences to go it alone. Shahida provides it here in spades. A collection of vital resources, witty, enjoyable, and urgent in its effects, this left me feeling and thinking and being a better man.

After reading several books, articles, viewing many videos, I fell upon The Smart's Girl Guide and Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare. They are not only both intelligently written, they are perhaps the most thorough books on the topic of this type of abuse. Anyone who has ever been with a narcissist understands the hellish relationship, but at times it's difficult to make sense of it all! I highly recommend these 2
Books over all others for yourself and to help you explain to other what narcissistic abusive relationship really is. Thank you Shahida. ♥️

Sweeping, comprehensive and very accurate in its description of the feelings a victim experiences as well as the behavior of a narcissist. Much more focused on female victims rather than male victims and also riddled with many spelling, grammar and formatting mistakes, which at times makes it difficult to read. For the most part, worth reading if you are trying to understand what narcissists do to your sense of self and how to begin recovering.

Medicine in words. We need too much positivity and clarity after these experiences to go it alone. Shahida provides it here in spades. A collection of vital resources, witty, enjoyable, and urgent in its effects, this left me feeling and thinking and being a better man.

This book is helping me tremendously to put into words my experience, how to name the abuse, how to put into words what happened and why, what type of abuse I have endured, the type of abuser I'm dealing with and how to move out of the relationship and start to really heal myself.

I also do not feel so alienated knowing there is a community of people who have experienced the same mistreatment as me and have been able to remove themselves from the abusers grasp and move on in healthy ways. I'm still on that journey, just started low to no contact and I feel I'm on the right path.

The abuse in my relationship started in May 2015, without me being aware of it. I became knowledgable of the abuse around August/September 2015. It's been a roller coaster ride since and I'm so grateful for my higher power guiding me to Shahida Arabi's book. I'm so grateful I'm able to detach and help myself early on in the abuse because of the help and insight offered.

I'm still on that journey. I'm still trying to put together the puzzle pieces. I just wanted to say thank you, Shahida!

As with a number of other reviewers, I had mixed feelings about "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare . . .". I appreciate what Ms. Arabi tried to do in writing this book, but I agree with one person's description of it as reading a lot "like a blog." My initial understanding was that the book had been written by a mental health professional, someone who had worked as a clinician and dealt frequently with clients who had been involved with narcissistic partners. However, much of Ms. Arabi's material appears to be based upon her own personal relationships. Kudos to her for making a strong effort to help others in similar situations via her blogs and other channels of communication. She seems passionate about this, and that passion and energy is tremendously valuable, particularly at a time in social history when selfishness and narcissism are qualities that seem to be lauded by people in high places. My overall impression is that the book was hastily assembled without the benefit of good editing, perhaps as an ambitious master's thesis or initial stab at a doctoral dissertation. If Ms. Arabi were to go back and spend some time on winnowing down the repetitive sections and polishing the piece as a whole, she might turn this into a highly successful publication.

Healthy thinking leads to self-care and a better life. And this book by Shahida Arabi is a fabulous resource filled with well-researched and credible solutions to finding happiness, peace of mind, and empowerment towards personal development following Narcissistic Abuse. Shahida will guide you on your healthy journey to recovery. Ending Abuse Media highly recommends this read! Thank you so much, Shahida, for asking Ending Abuse Media to contribute to such an amazing and powerful tool towards finding a better life!

Best book I have read yet on my healing journey from an abusive, narcissistic ex-husband. I thank God for Shahida and her efforts to help those of us in need. Highly recommend reading this and taking the time to really study the affects of NPD on survivors and how one can recover and move into a healthy life after such abuse.

Not a huge fan of this book - and wish I had bought her other one on recovering from Narcissistic abuse - my mistake. I do like the title though but don't believe in revenge or counter-attacking even on a subtle level - like the Tar Baby in Uncle Remus's tales - one only gets stuck in a big mess when one attempts to settle a score with a toxic narcissist.

For anyone who's had the misfortune of being conned into a relationship with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, this book will help you put in in perspective, move on and not look back. You will understand why the only way to deal with them is to get away and end all contact.

Best book I've read yet on recovering from an abusive relationship. So many tools, accounts, validation and information ! It was like having a friend that had been there done that walk beside you and guide you!

As far as my marriage went, this book could of been written about me & my soon-to-be ex. Made me realize why things were the way we were. & that I'm not crazy. Very enlightening. Felt like it could of been shorter.

Unfortunately, I am using this book as help for ending a long and very painful marriage to a narcissist. It won't be no contact as we have children, but it does help reinforce that I'm doing the right thing for myself and my children and doing my best to create a stable and understanding atmosphere for them.
Thank you for this resource.

Very informative book. I highly recommend it if you're looking to better understand your relationship with a narcissist as it's the closest thing you'll get to closure when cutting ties. Haven't read more than a few book about narcissism but this one was hands down the most helpful and I learned a lot more than I thought I would. Great read and it just might save your life!

Great book - unfortunately i am taking a star off for like most Narcissist books, this one focuses 98% of its energy on male narcissists which are have some important differences from female narcissists who are growing in numbers. There is a lot of useful healing information as well as background information that will you help you overcome the "is this my fault" feeling most narcissists leave you with. What's unfortunate is knowing most narcissists will never get help and the cycle will continue and potentially carry down the generations due to exposure. Regardless, great work Shahida, I always pick up the book when I'm feeling down or confused as I continue my journey of shedding my narcissistic partner.

This book is eye-opening in a lot of respects, especially as the author explains the chemical dependence on abuse that victims can have. I didn't really appreciate the black and white narrative. The author informs its readers ahead of time that it is a book that is on the side of the victims of narcissistic abuse; however, I found the good versus evil narrative a little bit flat and so I couldn't get through the whole book.

An eye-opening book which combines many exceptional articles assembled together about surviving narcissistic abuse. Unfortunately, there is an entire section dedicated to alternative treatments. Because of the chapter focusing on pseudoscientific modalities, I won't be recommending this book to others in the future.

This book, is such an amazing resource, for all survivors of toxic abuse. And for those wishing to educate themselves further on the consequences and suffering caused by toxic abusers.
The book is thoughtful and emphasises the survivors journey and what is necessary to begin to heal and thrive, after such life impacting abuse.
Shahida has great empathy and deep insight, and this I know to be vital, when reaching out to survivors to help them in a meaningful and appropriate way.
This book incorporates science, as well as personal experience, research and education, to show why people get into and stay within toxic relationships. And how to heal the deep wounds.
The book also shows the different types of disorders that can result from chronic abuse, such as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is invaluable, as many survivors are not aware, this can be a result of the ongoing abuse.
I love the different modalities and ways for healing and recovery and how this advice gives that hope many survivors really need, to know they can heal and thrive. Which is essential when you have endured chronic severe abuse.
In educating with empathy, survivors of abuse can find their way out of the dark hole and into a healthy life, with great self care, to thrive and lead the lives they deserve.
Shahida, also emphasises, how victim shaming and victim blaming, so popular in society, are wrong, harmful and abusive too.
This book is a professional and meaningful resource, that will no doubt go on to help so many people.
I will be promoting this book on my website and blog.... to help it reach more people.
You are a light, shining in the darkness, for many.
Much support and blessing to you Shahida, you are making a real and meaningful difference in this world!

I happen to know a woman who is actually married to a family member and uses him to get away with what she does. Her own family can not stand her..For years I thought I had to put up with such outrageous behavior from her just to keep the peace in our family and she took advantage of every one of us. I learned to keep her at a distance even before I got this book but this book confirmed it is the only way to deal with this type of person.It may eventually come to having her arrested at some time in the near future but right now I do use the book to deal with her. It has come to my attention she has broken into my home and stolen a number of things even some personal things that have no financial gain for her and flaunted them just to let me know nothing stops her. I recommend you install cameras on your property too.

I'm only a quarter of the way into this book, I previously purchased audio-book, now ordered the actual book, and it is amazing. I've recently read other books on this topic, and this is the best so far. Kudos to the author for not only writing clearly, accurately, skillfully and insightfully; but tackling this difficult subject for those of us suffering through it. In brief, my spouse is afflicted with this disorder, as is most of her family of origin. This book has given me back my sanity, and has provided me the knowledge to survive, move ahead, and thrive.

First, I'm an expert on domestic violence and working with personality disorders such as narcissism and antisocial personality disorder, with over 20 years of experience. I also have 30 years of education, training and experience in working in the field(s) of addiction, and substance abuse, including sexual addiction, therapy and treatment. This is, bar none, the best book on the topic, I've ever read. It's readable, personable, and very accurate. It empowers the reader to get an objective view point, on the topic, and how to deal with the insanity of being with a narcissist.

I got the audible version on purpose: because I do t have time to read the book but do have time to listen to it during my commute. It sounds like it is a computerized voice reading the book which ruined it and made it impossible to follow. What’s really bad? As a software engineer I know we have better software out there even if they did want to do audible computerized. It did not have to be awful, they just cheaped out and picked cheap software. I won’t be buying another version of this book either since they wasted my money with the audible version that I couldn’t finish. And I really really needed this info.

Shahida is compassionate and kind in her entire presentation as she walks you through what it is like to be abused by a Narcissist and how to protect yourself. She is gentle and consistent and entirely without pretence. I found this book (my first read on my road to educating myself and healing) to be so validating and liberating from so many things. I have recommended it to many friends and will continue to do so in an effort to spread education and encouragement to those on the road to healing. This is one of my go-to resources. A weapon in my arsenal. A counsellor when I need to be reminded of what my true experiences were and that no contact is not stonewalling or abusive toward specific people- it is self-care. This was one of the things at the beginning that pierced the darkness and started to make me think that maybe I really was NOT crazy after all. If you think you may have even brushed up against a narcissist and been abused for even a cup of coffee, read this and you will know. And then you will be equipped to think through how to protect yourself and recognize it enough to see it coming in advance. I can't say enough about Shahida or this book. This was like drowning in the sea for 14 years and then finding a full oxygen tank sitting next to a chest with gold in it. Now, I am swimming to the surface.

I love and hate it. I love the fact I found this book, as it is explains my recent past relationship. I hate the book because it made me stay up until 2am reading it because I couldn't put it down. This book just may have saved my life. Thank you so much!

This author is very negative about narcissistic people & she may have very good reasons, but I didn't find it helpful in learning how to cope with people with narcissism who are in your life & have to stay in your life. This may be a good book for people who are having difficulty setting boundaries with narcissistic people for it provides step by step guidelines on how to protect yourself.

This book is very interesting and informative and it also hits home. For me it's emotional especially listening to the narrator speak. She has compassion and you can hear it in her voice. I've had to take breaks in between listening. I will be working with clients in the mental health field and will definitely recommend this book for them to read.

Shahida Arabi is a kind, patients, strong warrior whose aim is to make this world a better place, and empower people from the deliberate and destructive forces of Narcissistic personallity disorder.
Her book comprehensively addresses the question of Narcissistic personallities, and the way they operate and why they behave the way they do.
These epiphanies and dramatic revelations are healing and enable warriors to make sense of the dysfunctional relationship that they experienced.
There is no stone left unturned. Ms Arabi's book is both fascinating and eerily accurate, which is cathartic and enables warrior who survived Narcissistic Abuse to thrive and lead the life they were meant to lead, with freedom, empowerment with experience and armed with knowledge of the dysfunction that is Narcissistic abuse.

Once armed with the tools of this knowledge via Ms Arabi's book, warriors will be able to recognise the "red flags" in any given relationship, be it familial, spousal or toxic friends, and leave them behind for healthier relationships, or as Ms Arabi so eloquently puts Discard and Devalue them, by seeing the Narcissist for what they really are, ie people who wear masks and use them as rotten supply.
This is the only book you will ever need to discover the pandemic of Narcissism.

Thank you Shahida Arabi for empowering warriors and making this world a better place with your courage and kindness

By Hazel M R Fernandes

This book is so good I own a copy in both paperback and audiobook format. The information is so valuable and validating to the experience of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Educating myself on what I was dealing with was what ultimately helped me to see my abuser for what he really was and to gain the strength to finally stand up for myself and our children. I will forever be grateful for the work of this author.

Most people don't know anything about narcissistic personality disorder, but I would highly recommend reading this book whether you've been involved with a person with this disorder or not very helpful and understanding and helping you heal from your exposure to this toxic human being

Excellent - 5 stars! If there is one person on our side, it's Shahida. Ms. Arabi is our life-saver, cheerleader, saint, healer, best friend, advocate, and go-to expert for victims of narcopaths. When no one else is in your corner; she is there for you in mind and soul to share the truth about this hidden - and for many, life-threatening, devastating experience. This book covers the complete experience of: encountering, surviving, and healing from an emotional terrorist. Ahead of her time, she has forged the way for us - victims and mental health professionals - to start acknowledging this hidden epidemic; and to begin the lonely, painful process of helping ourselves and others survive the reality of personality-disordered relationship trauma.

Shahida’s book is an amazing resource for understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse. I knew I had experienced an abusive relationship but I received so much healing and validation when I learned that the specific type of abuse I experienced was narcissistic abuse. The book is very well researched and has so many tips and tools for healing and moving forward. With some healing tools and the help of this book I can now say that I have definitely become the Narcissist’s Nightmare.

This is the first book on Narcissism recommended to me, and I feel fortunate to have had it come my way. It's been a little over a year since I realized that my miserable 32 year marriage was not my fault, that I was, in fact, married to a Narcissist all that time! I've read several articles, and still do, but this book...THIS BOOK is the all-in-one resource for anyone who needs knowledge about what Narcissism means as well as what can be done to begin to recover. The book is easy to read and practical. As a victim who is trying to sort things out, I have learned so much, experienced validation, and been given hope and direction to get MY life back!

This book is so good I own a copy in both paperback and audiobook format. The information is so valuable and validating to the experience of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Educating myself on what I was dealing with was what ultimately helped me to see my abuser for what he really was and to gain the strength to finally stand up for myself and our children. I will forever be grateful for the work of this author.

Most people don't know anything about narcissistic personality disorder, but I would highly recommend reading this book whether you've been involved with a person with this disorder or not very helpful and understanding and helping you heal from your exposure to this toxic human being

Excellent - 5 stars! If there is one person on our side, it's Shahida. Ms. Arabi is our life-saver, cheerleader, saint, healer, best friend, advocate, and go-to expert for victims of narcopaths. When no one else is in your corner; she is there for you in mind and soul to share the truth about this hidden - and for many, life-threatening, devastating experience. This book covers the complete experience of: encountering, surviving, and healing from an emotional terrorist. Ahead of her time, she has forged the way for us - victims and mental health professionals - to start acknowledging this hidden epidemic; and to begin the lonely, painful process of helping ourselves and others survive the reality of personality-disordered relationship trauma.

Shahida’s book is an amazing resource for understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse. I knew I had experienced an abusive relationship but I received so much healing and validation when I learned that the specific type of abuse I experienced was narcissistic abuse. The book is very well researched and has so many tips and tools for healing and moving forward. With some healing tools and the help of this book I can now say that I have definitely become the Narcissist’s Nightmare.

This is the first book on Narcissism recommended to me, and I feel fortunate to have had it come my way. It's been a little over a year since I realized that my miserable 32 year marriage was not my fault, that I was, in fact, married to a Narcissist all that time! I've read several articles, and still do, but this book...THIS BOOK is the all-in-one resource for anyone who needs knowledge about what Narcissism means as well as what can be done to begin to recover. The book is easy to read and practical. As a victim who is trying to sort things out, I have learned so much, experienced validation, and been given hope and direction to get MY life back!

This book is where my healing journey began... and I can safely say it changed my life! It not only comforted some of my darkest days; helped feed my knowledge about what I had actually been through, but also inspired me to turn my life in a new direction because of its accuracy, empathy and promise of a brighter future. This book is a must read for any abuse, trauma and narc-targeted survivor!

This book saved me as my marriage of 24 years was ending. Being in a long relationship with a narcissist, my self worth was very low. This book helped me heal and provided the wisdom to recognize the red flags and to not get caught up in the mind games from my ex. The book is spot on because he tried all techniques from triangulation to hovering. Going no contact gave me the strength to set myself free.

Shahida Arabi nails it on the head on every page. Her willingness to kick shame in the teeth and tell her story and raise awareness is nothing short of inspirational on many levels. Brava, sister. Many thanks.

I cannot explain to what level this book has given me insight into the circumstances in my life. I am so very greatful that this book was written.
My only comment is that i bought the audio book but cant seem to get the pdf download for links to websites etc.

A good book but does not explain as much about the mind of the narcissist as books written by H.G.Tudor, a master narcissist. This author speaks from the point of view of the victim-I was more interested in learning why narcissist do and think what they do-H.G.'s books have totally given me what i was seeking.

Shahida Arabi has accomplished something that few authors are able to do. She has written a book that is packed with so much wisdom and therapeutically proven tools for daily application, that it leaves the reader healthier than when they started reading. That is an incredible accomplishment for any writer.

As a licensed therapist, I am thrilled to see Ms. Arabi’s ability to give not only a few real life practical suggestions of how to find recovery and live it out, but Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare is packed full of concrete, go-out-and-implement-them-today ideas. Ms. Arabi provides the reader with the exact tools needed to change their thoughts, which will change their actions and then lead to changed lives.

Shahida, as I watched the sunset fall, I saw the rays of light, disappear into the ocean, and darkness fell upon, and day after day, i would sit on the roof top, watching the sun fall, and listen to your book, over and over again.
I was persuaded to believe the sun took the light away with it. But with your book, more of the rays stayed with me through the nights, and as the nights got brighter, the darkness vanished.