A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

A good primer for those interested in expanding or experimenting with their love and relationship style. Positive and well-rounded descriptions and advice. No ranting, no self-congratulatory expositions. Easy to read and access what you are looking for. Enjoy!

Just like other reviews have said, this book is a great option for those curious about the polyamorous lifestyle, and it also helps those already involved to mentally explore relationship combinations that don't involve sex. I highly recommend it.

Great tool for all people looking to improve their personal relationships and not just sexual in nature.
Educational in the "Myths" of present and historical personal interacting with others and how these "Myths" effect every aspect of in how the World turns.

Very informative. A must read for anyone in any kind of relationship monogamous or not. The writer's voice is very down to earth and comfortable. Giving the reader a sense of familiarity, like talking to a friend. The stories and experiences of the couples and moresomes were great.

The book opened up the variety of possibilities - from side dishes of sex-but-no-feelings, to multiple deep relations, committed or not, possible at equal level. I realized the importance agreements that match your feelings and model - and how they need to be adapted again when feelings and insights shift. What bugged me was the first insinuation that your profile is supposedly objective and obvious - "I am a bisexual, dominant swinger, loving blacks with big boobs and wet clits". For me intense shame conceals much of my true biology, but I also suspect that I don't have a single, fixed profile - that the human dance is both untameable and fluid

Almost half-way through, and so far, it's extremely validating for me to read. I've been feeling the draw to this type of lifestyle for as long as I can remember, so to see pros/cons from so many interviewees (and the author) makes me feel like I'm not as crazy as I've felt guilty for so long. I am having my reluctant, more conservative husband go through the book with me, and it's an interesting read. Parts of it are weak, especially from his viewpoint, but again, we're nowhere near finished yet. Maybe I'll post an update once we get through the text and make "final decisions" :)

Everything Tristan Taormino touches turns to gold. This book begins with an academic approach, introducing the subject in an inviting and intriguing way. Taormiino's writing is effortless. Reading her take on the matter will bring unbridled joy to anyone considering, practicing, or even struggling with non-monogamy.

I bought this book after running into several folks over a ten year period that were into polyamory--having more than one lover at a time.

To be honest, I was half way between fear and weariness in my emotional take on this book. Fear? I was and am monogamous so fear for sure; but weary of judging my two or three friends who were oriented this way with multiple lovers. I felt their honesty and candor and approach to sexual integrity was scoring far better than mine. Not to mention more often! Yes, finding more integrity in their relationships than many of my church friends, some of whom were defending to the death their long dead marriages; lifeless, dry, sexless "relationships".

With Taormino's interviews of 100 plus folks in alternative relationships, a few things stood out for me as a traditional type married and sometimes churchy guy. All of us could learn a good deal from Tristan's book here on the matter of communication and honesty. I've learned from this title what a joy it is, for example, to have permission from a spouse to notice hot ladies in the street or market. And to have talked out before such events just where the jealousy thing begins and ends and to simply be able to feel free as a man to appreciate the life force around me. Yes, feel good.

Relationship with self? Yes, important. I decided to come out erotically with my thoughts yet with the blessing of my monogamous spouse. Communication and honesty! Saying out loud who you are and what you want, what you desire. That's what this book was about for me.

Opening Up will open up a few closed minds. This doesn't have to mean that if you are into traditional marriage that you have to dial down your commitment to monogamy or start groping ladies in elevators. Contrarily, it is an invitation to appreciate how people around us are different and how others approach communication and truth telling, approach honesty with those whom they care deeply.

Another thing that stood out for me with this book is how incredibly mature a couple or an established threesome has to be to have a polyamory-styled relationship that works or seems to work. If anything, the book gave me new faith in why a jealous God just might have designed a more vanilla styled monogamy (dare I say "dumbed down"?) for the rest of us as a matter of course. Let's face it. Most of us just simply are not grown up enough to do this multiple lover thing with the integrity, honesty and full out communication needed for it to work. If it indeed can work over the long haul. But then we high horse church folk must be reminded: just how many of our marriages work or are even long haul these days?

Again, to be honest, Taormino's research and writing is just a fun, voyeuristic read. Like going "people watching" downtown for fun. It's always a kick to see how other folks live. And how sweet to learn of the post WWII "flyboys" that invented polyamory in this country, men who would take on a second woman, a widow, in order to fulfill a dying wish of a comrade in war; that a friend, a war buddy, take care of the woman he loved and must now leave in death. My, my.

Couples should read this together as it is sure to fuel many an interesting conversation between traditional spouses. And it will, as I have said, go a long way towards bringing insights into the monogamy path--like how to get over the thoughts and behaviors around "owning" someone; and how to be better at living in the abandonment and falling part of love. Indeed, how does one let oneself be in love in the moment, holding a beloved's heart gently in an open hand; rather than tightly in a closed and married fist? Interesting question.

Hey, and this, too: we are getting older. So think about it. Is death not the other lover (Eros and Thanatos, ever the pair in literature) who will edge in one day and get his or her way soon enough between the monogamous two of you? Indeed.

So maybe all mortal and traditional marriages are threesomes. Foursomes I suppose, if God is watching and participating, or invited to. Hey, open up!

Yes, traditional folk in happy relationships could gain from reading Tristan Taormino's scary work. But then lovers who care for things to stay hot and edgy must always be brave I think. For one, I'm a romantic and a one woman kind of man. But I loved this book. And, I also confess, I just got brave enough to read Ethical Slut. Now that took courage, learning how to be ethically naughty? Nice.

Though the cover blurbs features words like "sensitive", "balanced" and "loving", the second paragraph in the preface starts with the author's boast of watching other people have sex. And before the reader can process this objectively, before she even gets to the main clause of the sentence, she launches into graphic description -- thereby sealing the image that open relationships are for voyeurs, porn-enthusiasts and others who treat sex as a casual side-show. I was really praying for a sensitive treatment so that I could appreciate my husband's search. Is the best the polyamory community has to offer?
This book was a complete waste of money.

A number of good and okay books on nonmonogamy and polyamory have been published in the last several years. I read most of them: some were focused on particular forms of nonmonogamy; others dominated by a spiritual bent, others were just poorly written or edited. Some were downright Pollyanna-ish in their superficial treatment of the challenges of open relationships, occasionally reeking of smug superiority over less-evolved monogamous couplings. None of them was the perfect book I wanted to recommend to the curious, the novice, the baffled and disapproving. This is that book.

Among the book's chief strengths is its breadth. Taormino conducted over 120 interviews with a diverse sample of the nonmonogamous - people of varying ages, sexualities, and (most of all) approaches to relationships. This variety is highlighted by six chapters on different types of open relationships, discussing each types particular advantages and challenges and sharing the experiences of individuals, couples, and group relationships.

The later chapters tackle particular issues and problems common to open relationships, from the emotional (managing jealousy, coming out) to the practical (safer sex, legal and financial protections). Taormino moves beyond the platitudes common to discussions of nomonogamy - "Communicate! Be Honest! Own your feelings!" - and provides concrete advice on how to approach difficult conversations, disentangle emotional reactions, develop and follow agreements, and respond to change.

The book's heavy use of quotations and anecdotes from interview subjects, and its effort to be accessible and inclusive, result in an approach that mutes the distinctive voice and focus on sexual exploration that mark Taormino's other work as an author, editor, educator and pornographer. In-depth discussions of group sex are not to be found (Taormino recommends Vicki Vantock's Threesome Handbook); instead, the focus is on the emotional aspect of relationships, and sexual details come up only in the context of forming agreements and protecting your partners. With a few exceptions - such as her criticism of the "radical honesty" school of intimate communication - the book presents varied opinions and approaches in a neutral, descriptive fashion; rather than question the importance of gender and heterosexual intercourse to many people's relationship agreements, for example, she simply recognizes these as emotional facts to be addressed.

This book will be most interesting to those relatively new to thinking about, or doing, open relationships. But while those for whom nonmonogamy is familiar may be tempted to skim or skip this book (or any new book on the subject), nearly everyone will find something thought-provoking, such as the discussion of mono/poly relationships (which poly folk sometimes regard as doomed to fail, in much the way many monogamous folks regard polyamory generally), the evolution of group relationships, and coping with major changes in wants, needs, and circumstances.

[...]

I started Opening Up midway through reading The Ethical Slut. Slut just wasn’t doing it for me. I kept putting it down and finding reasons not to go back to it again. So, a poly friend of mine recommended that I read Tristan Taormino’s book, and I’m glad I did. Besides having a more appealing cover, Opening Up has more chapters relevant to me as a single individual, like chapter eight: Solo Polyamory. It had sections that answered my questions like how to have a poly lifestyle with children (ch 17) and how to have safe, nonmonagomous sex (ch 18), and information on things that I would have never considered like polyfidelity and non-sexual poly relationships.

One thing that I was on the fence about was the author’s decision to use the term “nonmonogamy” when referring to, well, nonmonogamus relationships. I agree with The Ethical Slut that that [non-] term is making monogamy the norm, but on the flip-side, it is more all-encompassing than simply “open” relationships. I say that without knowing your definition of an “open” relationship. For one of my friends, being in an “open” relationship means that she and her boyfriend can play with other people once or twice as long as love is not allowed to be a factor; whereas I used to equate “open” with only polyamory.

Don’t think that this book stops being open at, er, relationships. It also rejects heteronormativity and made me, as an LGBT person, confident that this is a lifestyle I can choose. Sitting here, writing this review, is making me miss reading that book. It was full of insightful, well researched information and it left me wanting more (thanks to a brimming reference section I’ll be well-read by the time I’m 80).

I was especially pleased to find this book after going through a breakup myself and realizing that there must be (and are!) more options than monogamy. It’s just not right for everyone and this book is guidance for some and educational for others.

Recommended to me by people in the know, this book examines the many different shapes a non-traditional sexual or romantic relationship can take, from an open marriage where both partners have outside lovers, to swinging relationships, to closed triads or quads, and more arrangements that I never even heard of.

How are boundaries set, when, seemingly, there ARE no boundaries? What makes people happy in these relationships, and what kinds of issues arise?

Fascinating, provocative, packed with nuggets of solid information, my only beef with this is the pool of interviewees seemed a little small (126) to draw solid conclusions from. But every angle seems explored, from emotions to sexual health and frank talk about STI's.

My take-away is that like any marriage or traditional monogamous partnership, every relationship differs according to the individuals in it, and they ALL take hard work, self-examination, and strong, healthy boundaries, in order to be successful. I would recommend to anyone considering a non-traditional relationship, either for him/herself, or for writers looking to include such characters in their work.

This is an excellent book for anyone considering opening their relationship and trying to decide why and if they should. It's a well explained reasoning behind why it's okay to want multiple relationships, and it's given from the perspective of a woman who decided to make this leap. In my polyamory discussions, this is often the book I recommend for those wondering "why polyamory?" It's not a how to though. For that, I recommend 'More Than Two'.

I have never considered myself one for open relationships, but know so many people who do I gave it a try. The book was fantastic. The author talked about various emotions that come up, how to identify them, how to address them with yourself or partner(s) and this is wonderful information whether your in mono or poly relationship. I found myself taking notes that I refer back to with regularity. Great read for people wanting to communicate better in any relationship. Also available in audio book which is my preferred method of reading.

Taormino has demonstrated over the years that she is an entertaining writer who also provides solid information of use to professionals as well as others. As an "other", i.e., reading out of personal interest as well as to assist clients, I can attest to the value of the book on more than one level. Her qualitative research was conducted with more than one hundred men and women. She has summarized the results well, with multiple quotes, allowing us to "hear" the voices of those being interviewed. This makes her book, which is very well written, even more interesting than it might have otherwise been. She has provided a panoramic view of the many kinds of relationships that all fall under the label of "open" or "poly" including chapters on: partnered monogamy, swinging, polyamory, solo polyamory, polyfidelity, and monogamous/nonmonagamous and mono/poly combinations. Taormino has also written about jealousy, new relationship energy, fear of abandonment, other intense emotional aspects to be resolved, and allowed those she interviewed to tell us, the readers, something about how they handled them.

As other reviewers have noted, open relationships of various sorts are known to be somewhat common in the US. "But how do they make it work?" one might ask. Read Tristan Taormino's book and you will have a fairly good idea of the answer. As a sexologist and therapist I have already not only read the book but also suggested it to two friends and one client, and this in less than a month. In my opinion this is one of the very best books written on the subject from a perspective that allows all readers to gain from reading it.

Eric S Blumberg, Ph.D., LPC

An excellent, approachable guide to non-monogamy, incorporating a variety of models. Includes interviews with diverse individuals in open relationships, so the reader gets to hear about the joys and challenges of non-monogamy straight from those who are living the life.

Whenever I mention Opening Up to friends, they assume it's sleazy. It's not. This book is written in an entertaining and straightforward fashion, but it's not a "how to get a bunch of people into bed" book. It's about creating a sustainable style of open relationship through negotiation, transparency, and understanding.

Opening Up speaks across a broad spectrum. Whether you're into BDSM or you're an asexual romantic (or both), your needs are addressed in this book.

I recommend Opening Up highly to anyone. Even if you never have any intention of living non-monogamously, do read Opening Up. There's something in this book for everyone.

Very thorough introduction to non-monogamy. As someone who knew very little about this, I found the book to be a comprehensive guide to understanding the different variations of non-monogamy that exist. Wish the chapter on negotiating your relationship was longer though. It had great starter questions, but I wish it went a little deeper.

This book provides basic information concerning open or non-monogamous relationships: the various types of arrangements, psychological demands and difficulties, and practical considerations involving going public, raising children, legalities, and safe sex practices. The book is primarily motivated by the well-chronicled difficulties that many experience within the confines of monogamy. According to the author, expanding a monogamous relationship has the possibilities of enhanced sexual fulfillment, more freedom to choose, and personal growth.

Though the author obviously favors open relationships, she cautions that substantial self-awareness and self-evaluation are needed before embarking on such. She emphasizes that communication, honesty, boundaries, and trust are absolutely essential to form and maintain viable non-monogamous relationships. Even in established relationships, feelings of jealousy, envy, insecurity, and loneliness are constant threats to stability. Renewal and adaptability are watchwords for success.

While not blatantly so, the book is somewhat geared to bisexuals and gays involved with non-monogamy, perhaps reflecting the composition of non-monogamous practitioners. Only a few of her interviewees were completely straight and monogamous. Also, while the author issues warnings about embarking on non-monogamy, one gets the sense that the emotional difficulties and ramifications of opening up are considerably understated. The author makes no claims to being a psychology expert, instead relying mostly on her personal experiences and of those she interviewed. Nonetheless, the book seems to be good overview on the subject of non-monogamy.

Tristan Taormino has done it again. Her flair for intelligent, engaging journalism takes a hotly debated subject and demystifies it in a pragmatic, yet charming manner. As a relationship counselor, specializing in alternative affairs, I have, by this time, given all of my initial order copies of Opening Up to clients and friends. This easy to read primer holds priceless value to anyone involved in an intimate liaison and is not only for those in or contemplating open relationships. Taormino's talent for translating thorough research into entertaining reading is made even more beneficial through her use of checklists, guides, definitions and practical advice on etiquette, negotiation and more. What could have easily been just another boring, clinical look at alternative relationship models is presented in a vividly human way and accentuated via the many personal experiences which can be found throughout the book. By shattering countless misconceptions, fabrications, myths and rumors about open relationships, Taormino also brings to light the fact that monogamy is a choice and not an expectation. As well, this delightfully honest author clearly communicates her deep understanding that there is no "right" model. Opening Up vividly illustrates, through tireless research, skillful writing and real life accounts, that all manner of relationships require periodic reevaluation highlighted by meaningful, sincere communication and negotiation in a fearless, loving environment. In her inimitable style, Taormino gently urges the reader to awareness that these are key elements for success in relationships of any kind. I have and will continue to recommend this revealing book to not only those experiencing ambivalence about their current relationship but also to those who are curious about breathing new life into their existing arrangement. Opening Up is so filled with readable, practical information that it is likely to provide the necessary evidence which could change, "I think I'd like to....," into "Be careful what you wish for;" giving it enhanced value for enlightening those who may be impetuous or uninformed thus perhaps avoiding ill conceived forays into potentially treacherous relationship territory. In a world where marriages and families fail at an alarming rate, this refreshingly entertaining "how to" provides essential insight and practical advice - making it near mandatory reading for any and all who are contemplating relationship counseling, marriage or any other intimate, family arrangement.

Tristan's books are always fabulous, but this one blows everything out of the water. While former polyamory books such as the Ethical Slut have found their way onto bookshelves across the nation, Opening Up looks at a whole variety of non-monogamy, making for a perfect guide for anyone and everyone, even if they decide that monogamy is actually the right choice for them.

It's formatted in a way that allows the reader to choose whether they want to read it through from beginning to end, or go specifically to the chapter that talks about what they're interested in reading about. Moreover, the combo between regular information and direct quotes from actual people creates welcoming book for anyone. Granted, there are many available books on poly and non-monogamy, but this is the perfect reader for everyone from newbies to educators.

I recommend the book. It provides an overarching discussion of several types of open relationships, which I found extremely useful to correctly position polyfidelity and polyamory among the many existing types.

The chapter format was very important to convey authenticity. Most of chapters have a detailed actual story at the end.

The author have had the care to include important topics such as raising kids, legal and financial matters, and issues faced while coming out.

The references for articles, books, sites and discussion groups are great resource for further studies.

I believe it is already time for a new edition that could include social networks, dating sites and new knowledge about human neurology and sexuality.

The chapter 8 about Solo Poly should include new research findings and discussions about single people and their blooming culture (e.g.: the book Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent).

I am a sexuality educator who leads workshops on healthy relationships for all types of people. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in improving their relationships. Not only does the author give practical advice to those seeking to build open relationships, she also addresses the often unsustainable pressures that are put on monogamous relationships (e.g., that your partner should be "The One" who fulfills all of your emotional and physical needs). Tristan addresses communication, negotiation, how to handle jealousy -- all skills that are needed in every relationship.

Unlike some other books on polyamory, this book treats people who choose monogamous relationships with respect. Too often, material about open relationships treats monogamous people as somehow less evolved or clueless. Monogamy is presented as a positive choice here -- as long as it is truly a choice, and not an unexamined relationship style that people are in simply because it's expected of them.

Readers in open relationships will find that many different styles of relationships are presented in this book -- I would say its primary message is that there is no one "right" way to have an open relationship except the one that works for you and your partners. This book can help all people, regardless of their relationship style, truly make an informed choice about what is best for them.

This book is incredibly thought provoking. One of my favorite thngs about it is the tone Taormino uses overall, which is very acceptimg and non-judgmental of any relationship that is built on trust and respect, including monogomous ones. This is a great book for someones initial explorations into relationshipsthat are non traditional; it introduces a of useful vocabulary and briefly explains the origins of various types of non traditional relationships, as well as advice for helping the reader consider which, if any, of these types of relationships would suit their lives and needs. It questions assumptions that many people have concerning intimate relationships. It encourages readers to be mindful of their choices and actions, an important skill for every person to have in the context of any relationship. Definitely worth the read.

Tristan Taormino is an over-achiever, a multifaceted woman with an impressive breadth of expertise and talent. To her long list of accomplishments she now adds this latest book on open relationships. At almost 350 pages, it leaves nothing out.

This is a book of amazing diversity with personal stories of people from a wide range of sexual orientations, lifestyles, and styles of open relationship. It was thoroughly researched and includes references to a significant number of well-known alternative relationships experts, sociologists, anthropologists, researchers, therapists and communications and relationship skills experts.

Far from a dry technical manual, throughout the book Taormino includes compelling quotes from and the personal stories of many of the 126 people she interviewed. These lend a valuable perspective by which the reader can identify and connect with the information and advice offered. She includes checklists and questions for negotiating the terms of open relationship and explains terminology to help people who are new to open relationships get a handle on what kind of open relationship they want.

Chapters that particularly impress me are the chapters on compersion (which is the most comprehensive I've seen on that topic), coming out, raising children in open relationships, safer sex (also excellent) and legal and practical matters.

The book is thoroughly annotated and includes statistics about the age, locale, gender, sexual orientation, etc., of the interviewees. There is a comprehensive and up-to-date resource guide that includes a lengthy book list, (I have the impression that she's read everyone of them!), a list of conferences and events, GLBT/queer resources, local, regional and national and international organizations, online groups, listservs and communities, professional directories, resources on research and activism, spirituality resources, and so on.

Opening Up will quickly become a mainstay for those learning how to successfully conduct their open relationships.

My husband and I have been batting around the polyamory idea for several years but never really saw a place in our lives to work that into the relationship. It has been in the past year that it has opened up for us to be more proactive with it. We are secure in our 9 yr relationship having had it see friends leave, death of family members and physical maladies run amok with it and now everything is falling into place. This book puts it into practicalityand lets me see how other couples approach and have this develope in their lives. A much wonderful book so that my husband and my secondary have all read or are in the process of reading it. I highly recommend it for those new to this life, to those in it and unsure of what to go with for their lives and for those that need a refresher in relationships structuring.

I have not only considered myself to be polyamorous for most of my life but also have a Masters Degree in Social Work. I had the pleasure of reading this book with my primary partner shortly after we made a commitment to each other. I have read several books on this subject and this is the only one that a partner actually finished reading as well. This book helped strengthen my relationship and gave us many discussion points to build on.

I feel this is one of the best books that I ever read on this subject and I highly recommend this book to anyone studying open relationships or considering being in an open relationship.

Tristan Taormino's Opening Up is a high-quality resource for nontraditional relationship styles. I would recommend it for colleagues in the helping professions, as a self-help handbook for those forging open bonds, and as the best 'first book' to introduce someone to the idea of open relationships.

Taormino interviewed many individuals and groups involved in a variety of different intimate relationship structures. She shares a wealth of stories in the book, and they are something sacred to experience. Many courageous, imaginative folks have ventured where there are few role models in order to embody all kinds of different relational orientations and build all kinds of different love styles. The unique gifts and challenges of polyfidelity, swinging, single poly, mono/poly, and other relationship styles are explored.

The author doesn't stop at sharing those stories, however. Taormino provides clear analysis of essential, universal relationship skills and shows how these skills successfully interact with each relationship structure. There is more than just a simple respect for diversity here; Taormino offers a theory of relationships that assumes human diversity in bonding, and then offers tools for the real work of building and maintaining those relationships. The result is an empowering and educating handbook that starts from a place of valuing and building self-knowledge, and then moves on to developing the skills and creating the structure that best nurture each of our unique selves.

I am personally very grateful for this book. I am monoromantic and my partner is polyamorous. We are both relationship geeks, and I have training and experience in ministry and counseling settings... and yet finding support for us - both of us - as we began our relationship was a painful struggle. To find such a content-rich book that is unreservedly supportive of the spectrum in between mono and poly styles has been a joy and a treasure.

This is an invaluable resource for anyone personally interested in exploring non-monogamy, as well as for scholars, psychotherapists and others with a need to learn about alternative relationship models. Opening Up is far more than just a very readable guide filled with useful exercises. It's also a very thoroughly researched and scholarly effort to define various forms of non-monogamy. Taormino explains how open relationships function, while making a strong case that the healthiest approach to relating - whether one is monogamous or not - involves communicating and choosing consciously. The interviews are thought-provoking and engaging. A profound and important book.

This book is a good, comprehensive, frank and non-judgmental treatise on non-monogamy. What more can I say? Opening Up has sparked quite a few discussions amongst my friends and me, and has given me the confidence to sit down with my husband to discuss our own personal style of non monogamy. Of all books I have read on the subject, this is the one that my husband will be most able to stomach reading on his own (rather than getting the synopsis from me), cynical anti-self-help-git that he is. It will definitely be the book I will recommend to anyone else interested in reading up on the subject.

I learned more about my relationship style and preferences from reading this book than any other. Far more than a "how to" book on open relationships, it focuses on "how some do". It was fascinating to read about ways of being part of relationships that i may never have even known about. If you have an open mind, I believe Opening Up will help lead you to more connected and harmonious relationships no matter what form they take.

Tristan Taormino has done an excellent job of providing a real-world guide to everyday polyamory. She's incorportated a wide diversity of voices and experiences, and presented us with a hopeful and visionary view of modern day multiple-loving that is firmly rooted in reality. It should appeal to a wide variety of readers, from those just exploring and interest in the poly life to those who have been in poly relationships for years. There's a lot to learn, explore, and reflect upon in this book.

Taormino's book is a must-read for anyone looking to successfully negotiate an open relationship. Her advice on questions to ask and discuss with partners is amazing, as is her chapter on navigating jealousy and tips to address jealousy. Readable, easy to understand, compassionate, and practical!!

This book was JUST what our new realtionship needed! It is clear, not pushy, and very open to the fact that people are diffrent, with diffrent wants and needs.If ou are an old pro, new hopeful, or just want to get you feet wet, this is the book for you. It helped us to talk over our needs, and find athe compromise for all 3 of us

My partner and I have been considering adding a third person to our relationship, and this book gave me a pretty good idea of what to expect overall when transitioning from monogamy. I also found an e-book online that was helpful for this topic at Trinogamy.com.

A must-read for anyone interested in navigating non-monogamy. Respectful, inclusive, fascinating - even for folks who are experienced. Taormino really did the research here, exploring many kinds of relationships. Insightful, thorough, honest, supportive. Highly recommended!

In rural Alaska, sometimes young men either shoot themselves, or others when a couple breaks up or is "unfaithful" in a relationship... of course alcohol is usually in involved... as well as anger and
hurt... while sex education is taught in the schools (except where Gov. Palin's daughter went to
school)... it is rare that a young person understands the full range of human relationships in the
course of one's life... to know all that is possible as early as possible in one's life... would you
shoot yourself... just because you thought mono vs poly relationships are the human condition.

This book... I should have read it in highschool back in 1966. It would have saved me a lot of
pain and grief... and what else...

This book started a downward spiral for my wife and I's marriage. Reading this well stated, well written, material encouraged my wife to cheat on me -- and feel like cheating is a kind and spiritual experience. The results of her cheating has been 2 years of unhappiness, growing hatred between us, alienation of family, judgment and intervention of friends, high therapy costs, a destabilized home for our young child, possible divorce, a halt of communication, loss of trust, and an abrupt end to our previously healthy sex life. I caution readers, the contrast of my life before and after my wife's trip to the library is stark. This book encourages life ruining ideas and you don't even realize it because it all seems so open and friendly. I wonder how much different, better, my life would have been had this book not existed. The books tone is intelligent, seemingly kind and well thought out. I've never felt deeper pain in my entire life based upon the ideas this book propagates. Nerium Oleander is an exotic flower with beautiful blooms. It is also highly poisonous and can kill. This book is Nerium Oleander.