The New Science of Human Relationships - Social Intelligence

This book (audio version) really tracks how and why EQ is neurally connected in the human mind. This provides more then I will ever know on human behaviors. Recommend to read or listen several times to realise the wealth of information provided. A great resource book for training, research and general interest.

I read, and enjoyed Emotional Intelligence, so I assumed this book would "mirror" not only his former success, but also give me an in depth review of the latest research in this area. Instead I got a repeat of the first few opening sentences, rephrased dozens of ways, but all saying the same thing and adding nothing new. I finally gave up in disgust after the second chapter, which gives this book the honor of accompanying only two other books that I did not finish - in my entire life. It was just too much of a waste of time. If you are still interested in the latest research in this area, see the article in the November 2006 "Scientific American" (and I'm sure there are others more recent).

PS, I gave it one star because the system would not allow fewer.

Daniel Goleman uses far too much medical jargon in his books and it makes them quite unpractical. I do not like starting and not finishing books so this took me well over a year to actually finish. Segments are short and sweet though, so it is easy to pick up and read a spot and put it down and not get lost when you come back.

The first one third is interesting science, but the last 200 pages are a collection of anecdotal stories, opinion and socialist diatribes, rather than social science. Toward the end, he writes, "Such utopian ideals for the human community may seem out of sync with the tragedies and frictions of the twenty-first century". First of all the century has hardly begun, and compared to the last 60 centuries, I would say our tragedies are akin to a mosquito bite and the frictions are like the itch that follows. This is the kind of book that makes academics look bad.

I just finished reading Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. In a chapter about prisons, he scientifically expresses what I've witnessed over the last ten years, namely that prisons cultivate criminal instincts instead of "correcting" them. Our prisons, as they are today, should be called "corruptions" rather than "corrections." The cure is worse than the disease, or rather in this case, the cure exacerbates the disease.

Biologically speaking, survival in prison demands that the part of the brain called the amygdala be set for "paranoid hyper-vigilance." The amygdala triggers the fight, flight or freeze response. Fear forces the amygdala to override the areas of the brain which are responsible for rational thought. A key to inhibiting these primitive responses is a group of neurons in the OFC (orbitofrontal cortex) that can curb impulses from the amygdala. The circuitry running from the amygdala to the OFC can be strengthened or weakened through conditioning. During imprisonment, we have a choice to mold this crucial brain circuitry for self-control. It's like molding a statue. In the early stages, you have a chance to get the pose just right, but once the arm or some other body part is in position, it quickly becomes too late to correct it.

Most prisoners never get a chance to correct the habits and circumstances that keep them out of prison's revolving doors. As Goleman says, "Prisons are colleges for crime, strengthening an inmate's predilection and skill sets for criminality. Younger prisoners...typically become mentored by more seasoned inmates, so that on their release they are...endowed with greater skills as criminals." I've witnessed this happen time and time again over the last ten years. Prisons are supposed to be a tool to protect society, but the opposite is happening. We put law breakers in prison to punish them and make them suffer, but then release them as more sophisticated and violent criminals to do ever greater damage to society.

We can view criminals as being socially sick, an illness marked by lack of empathy for others and lack of emotional intelligence and impulse control. For various reasons they've violated the rights of others and the rules of society for their own selfish motives. This sickness is what needs to be "corrected." Punishment and suffering do nothing to achieve this objective. It only makes it worse.

Goleman makes a few recommendations. He says prisons need to be reinvented to offer a remedial neural education using programs which strengthen the circuits of the social brain for empathy and for regulating emotional impulses. These programs have been used in schools to reduce fighting by 69 percent, bullying by 75 percent and harassment by 67 percent.

Another component of a better justice system would be the use of "restorative justice." Criminals should have to face the emotional aftermath of their crimes and make amends to the victims. Victim impact sessions are already practiced in some states but not in the federal system. I had several victims in my string of robberies and I never had to face even one of them. I have no idea what I did to them. I don't know if they suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, if they had to quit their jobs, or of any way that my crimes may have negatively impacted their lives. I can only assume that I hurt them more than I'll ever know. But facing them and listening to them would have went a long way in helping me atone for my crimes and heal my social sickness, so that I can become a better functioning human being. But instead, I was thrown into a violent prison, a hell where everyone fights for respect and violence wins prestige, where the physically powerful prevail and fear rules all.

Everything I've done to improve myself in prison, I've had to do on my own with little or no help from a soulless, robotic, prison bureaucracy. Even this book, Social Intelligence, had to be borrowed from another inmate, even though the information inside is invaluable to someone wanting to recover from a life of addiction and crime. If I didn't make a daily, conscious effort to repair my broken life, I would fall fast into a pit of bitterness, apathy and self-defeat as the vast majority of my fellow inmates have, only to be released back to the streets worse than before.

David Allan Reeves
Author of "Running Away From Me"

This book reviews all of the problems that can occur for individuals with a lack of emotional/social intelligence, and covers in great detail all of the benefits of EI with a myriad of applications to social, professional, and geopolitical applications. However, unfortunately, the book fell short on giving any information on how to achieve EI. Without that knowledge, the book was significantly lacking. It was akin to reading a cookbook on the deleterious effects of poor nutrition and the benefits of good nutrition without any recipes for how to acquire it. The overall message was that life is all about our connections with others, but if you are looking to increase your emotional intelligence to increase your social connections, this book will not help you do it.

Lastly, the epilogue was just a strange litany of all things wrong in the world.

Many of the 5 star reviews are correct about this book. Mary Jane Salvato (June 11, 2014), Jennifer May (June 9, 2014), Winston D. Jen (July 19, 2013)--he gives a good summary, Joyce (November 13,2012), John Chancellor (February 3, 2008), Jo Ana Starr (August 5, 2007), Mario M. Vittone (December 16, 2006) and the 4 star review by Dennis DeWilde (October 23, 2007) all do a very good job of describing Goleman's manuscript about his "...findings in biology and brain science, revealing that we are 'wired to connect' and the surprisingly deep impact of our relationships on every aspect of our lives...(and) explains the surprising accuracy of first impressions, the basis of charisma and emotional power, the complexity of sexual attraction, and how we detect lies."

With over 55 concepts that I wrote down to be placed into this review, I will provide a few here.

On showing emotion: "The ability to 'control and mask' the expression of emotions is sometimes considered key to self-presentation. People adept in such control are self-confident in just about any social situation, possessed savoir faire. Those for whom poised performances come easily will be naturals at any situation where a nuanced response is crucial, from sales and service to diplomacy and politics."

On teaching a child emotional resilience: "...(emotional) overprotection is in fact a form of deprivation. The idea that a child should avoid misery at all costs distorts both the reality of life and the ways children learn to find happiness. More important...is learning how to deescalate emotional storms. The goal for parenting....(is) teaching a child how to return on her own to a state of contentment..."

p. 84 provides a definition of Social Intelligence.

"Social Awareness: refers to a spectrum that runs from instantaneously sensing another's inner state, to understanding her feelings and thoughts, to "getting" complicated social situations. It includes:

Primal empathy: Feeling with others; sensing non verbal emotional signals.
Attunement: Listening with full receptivity; attuning to a person.
Empathic accuracy: Understanding another person's thoughts feelings, and intentions.
Social cognition: Knowing how the social world works.

Social Facility: simply sensing how another feels, or knowing what they think or intend, does not guarantee fruitful interactions. Social facility builds on social awareness to allow smooth, effective interactions. The spectrum of social facility includes:

Synchrony: Interacting smoothly at the nonverbal level.
Self-presentation: Presenting ourselves effectively.
Influence: Shaping the outcome of social interactions.
Concern: Caring about others' needs and acting accordingly."

I am a clinical psychologist who recent finished reading "Social Intelligence." I'm sure you don't need my review to add to the many others, but I thought this was a truly excellent book.

I really enjoyed how Goleman related social behavior to neurological structures without getting too technical and confusing. He discusses reasons for why humans are social in different ways, based on evolutionary advantages. I also thought he provided a great definition of what comprises social intelligence and how it involves unconscious as well as conscious properties, both social perception and appropriate action. He ties in Buber's "I-It" and "I-You" relationships as well as attachment theory to talk about how we can build quality, secure bonds that enhance our connections with others. He discussed the biological reasons why relationships can enhance or reduce our overall health. And these are just some of the features of this book.

This book is fascinating and very reader-friendly. I would highly recommend this one, just as I would his original best-seller, Emotional Intelligence.

I heard an interview with Daniel Goleman on NPR and thought this book sounded fascinating. Goleman explained that research into neuroscience was exploding, and that researchers had recently discovered biological, chemical and structural aspects of the brain that correspond to fluency in social interactions. When people strongly connect in social situations, the chemical activity in each person's brain actually synchs up with the other participants'. This causes a ripple effect throughout the body, causing greater and greater physiological connections. A person with high "social intelligence" has this effect to a much greater degree than others; an charimatic person can affect the physiology of a crowd of hundreds or even thousands. Goleman claims that such research will have a profound effect on the theory of social interactions and interpersonal relationships.

Unfortunately, the ten-minute interview was much more interesting and informative than the book. After making that basic point in the first five pages in the introduction, Goleman wanders incoherently from topic to topic, with no attempt at all to structure a cohesive argument or to draw any overarching conclusions from the material he discusses. Instead, each chapter consists of a series of only loosely related anecdotes that supposedly correspond to one research study or another. Goleman makes no attempt to explain the connections between these subsections or to thread them together into a coherent whole. Indeed, the entire book consists almost entirely of a series of examples, but Goleman never explains what the examples are supposed to be illustrating.

I found it impossible to read this book straight through. It's as if Goleman knew that most of the readers would just flip the book open at random and read a tiny snippet here and there. If the book is approached in that manner, a reader might think that the book looks pretty interesting and conclude that there must be something there. Goleman must have been banking on the fact that most people would not go beyond such superficial browsing. As someone who made a sincere attempt to read the book straight through, I actually feel deceived.

This book describes the latest advances in neurology research and uses them to explain the social behavior of people. The focus in on the emotional drives ("low road" as the book calls it). It shows that our various behaviors are actually not derived from rational analysis but the results of various neurological activities involving the "low road". The national thinking ("high road") interacts strongly with the "low road". It regulates "low road" activities in some cases but act as an interpreter after the fact in some other cases.

the has a very wide scope and a good framework in organizing the accumulated knowledge in the area. It covers topics in inter-personal relationship (rapport and emotional connection), social disorders (narcissism, Machiavellian and psychopath), autism, child development of emotional capabilities, love-related behaviors, link between emotion and physical health, link between emotion and performance, emotional intelligence and social harmony (crimes and hatred).

The author provided ample evidence and discussion about the link between social behaviors and neurological structures and activities. In this sense, this book is a good window into neurology-based behavioral research. On the other hand, it offers few practical advices. Most of the facts about human behavior described in the book are common sense. Therefore, this book has little value as guidance in social intelligent.

I found Part , the epilogue and appendices most worth reading. If you are pressed in time, it's safe to read only these portions of the book. Read the rest only if you are interested in how various parts of the brain works. But you won't learn much new about social skills.

The ability to be socially aware (empathic, attuned, cognitive) and develop social facility (synchrony, concern, influence) is both a neurological reaction and a learned faculty according to this summary of biologic and brain science research by famed, "Emotional Intelligence", author Daniel Goleman. According to Goleman, social intelligence should be defined as what we sense about others:
* Primal empathy - sensing emotional signals and feeling with others
* Attunement - listening with full receptivity
* Empathic accuracy - understanding other's thoughts, feelings, and intentions
* Social cognition - knowing how the social world works
And, what we then do with that awareness by way of:
* Synchrony - interacting smoothly at the nonverbal level
* Self-presentation - effectively presenting ourselves
* Influence - shaping the outcome of social interactions
* Concern - caring about others' needs and acting accordingly.
These factors operate at both a neurological reaction level to signals from others - the `low road' in our emotional economy, and through choice at the more thoughtful `high-road' which gives us some control over our inner life. A warm smile in response to a hateful glare is possible, if we think about what is happening as the contagion of the glare threatens our mood.

Now, if you think that Goleman is going to provide help with this `high-road' of relationship management, think again. This book is about an emerging science, (studies with regard to the brain's responses to social interactions) and not about the how-to of relational management. I found the book to be a heavy read, although Goleman often uses stories from everyday life to introduce topics and the supporting research results. This book is recommended for people who not only have an interest in social science but also have the time to study it. Dennis DeWilde, author of "The Performance Connection"

The book delivers on what it promises - the explanations of why we are wired as social beings, how our social intelligence evolves as we mature, and how it relates to all sorts of aspects of our lives (love, crime, work, health...)

Favorite parts:
Empathy = I notice you + I feel you + I act to help you
Anxiety shrinks the space available to our attention, undermines our ability to take in new information, let alone create new ideas. It is an enemy of learning and creativity.
Emotions flow with special strength from the more socially dominant person to the less - leader’s emotions are particularly contagious.

Cons: To my taste there was a lot of biology talk (how our brain works) and not enough practical examples related to work/job scenarios (where we spend majority of time in our adult life)

An interesting book about the effects our relationships have on us. I was hoping for more ways to increase your social intelligence like how to improve the quality of your relationships. The book really doesn't give you much there. This book goes more into neuroscience and psychology and explains what effects our relationships have on us, both good and bad. The most interesting part of the book was learning all of the ways bad relationships with the people around you actually have a measurable negative impact on your life in many different ways. Also, that good relationships have a positive effect on your life. Both the good and bad relationships have been proven to have medical consequences. The book's claims are backed up by research.

The author posits that social intelligence is an important trait in our lives and often takes place in a level outside our general consciousness. He also attempts to distinguishing between "social intelligence" and "manipulative social control". While aspects of social intelligence can be used to manipulate, true social intelligence goes beyond that.

After describing the concept of "social intelligence" in the first part of the book, he goes on to detail many of the examples of where "social intelligence" can be used to achieve true games in individual relationships and society at large. Many of these arguments come across as "socialist" (which should not be surprising, given that they are based on "social" intelligence.)

He provides some scholarly base throughout the book, yet never comes across as being overly academic, making the book easily readable.

Daniel Goleman has created another educational masterpiece to follow up his book Emotional Intelligence (which taught us we could have a high IQ but act emotionally unintelligent). This book teaches us we can have excellent analytical skills but be very unintelligent in how we interact with people. He classifies social intelligence as our ability to listen, talk appropriately in conversations, tell "white lies" when necsasary to value peoples feelings over blunt truth, and understand how to react with people as to create rapport and trust. He believes that SQ in many ways is more important than IQ because the success in the world is more determined by how you get along and relate to people as opposed to how many A's you received on your report card. He writes about the importance of doctor's treating their patinces as people, it has proven that this dramatically reduces the amount of malpractice suits. He discusses what people care most about in bosses great listener, encourager, communicator, courageous, sense of humor, empathy, decisive, humble, takes responsibilty, and shares authority. He discusses how through inmate interactions prisons are breeding grounds for life long criminals and how to change that. If you are interested in the above read this book. It is a detailed road map of how our brains loop with other people to create interactions. You will learn a lot, I did.

For Goleman fans, who seek an in-depth coverage of the scientific
research behind social intelligence, this book will satisfy. It can be an essential resource for researchers and human development practitioners, but may have less appeal for those seeking a more applied, "how-to" explanation. Goleman provides lots of scientific tidbits, but little advice on how to actually describe, assess, or teach social intelligence as a set of practical competencies. As with his first book, "Emotional Intelligence: Why It May Be More Important than IQ," educators and business users will find it necessary to develop their own methods for application.

It's worth noting that this book was published a year after the publication of Dr. Karl Albrecht's book, "Social Intelligence: the New Science of Success." Albrecht's book offers a more practical, "street level" treatment of the subject, with a five-point descriptive model of social intelligence, ("S.P.A.C.E.," which stands for Situational Awareness, Presence, Authenticity, Clarity, and Empathy) and a primary focus on how those dimensions can be measured and developed.

Recommendation: read both books.

Dr. Goleman writes a compelling book, filled with interesting findings. We learn that we are predisposed to connect with others, and the role of the brain, dopamines etc. in our relationships. I loved reading about how our emotions are involved in our relationships. Any reader who is interested in social neuroscience, should read this book. As I am a great fan of Rosalene Glickman's philosophy "The purpose of relationships is to be our best self regardless of the circumstances", I recommend Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self. Read both books!

I have listened to the taped version of this book and I must admit it was hard to turn it off each morning and evening when I had reached my destinations. There was such intense revelations within the prose of this book again again... I found myself being validated again and again. I am in the medical field and I deal with patients every day. Being a Nurse Practitioner and not a physician I am constantly being told how I am not dealing with the patients in this difficult correctional setting like I should be, detatched and scientific. I have been recognized by the jail administrators to be who I am because we have recently passed an NCCHC certification inspection with a fantastic testimonial that expressed how the inspecting team has not seen our equal but once before in 10 years of inspections as a team. We were sited for cooperation and consideration in all areas that this team evaluates and were not found difficient in even one of the 40 criteria that encompasses the core of the certification process. This I attribute to my own approach to people using the concepts that Daniel Goldman has finally scetched out as being so productive in may aspects of human relationships and interactions. The easy manner of the prose made listening to this so much more enjoyable then if it had been presented in a more scientific manner. I do not think that Daniel Goldman was trying to prove anything with this treatise, he was only presenting gleefully to the world. Any critisim of his methodology might be truly justified if you are a one of the experts that might be used by a journal to justify its publication in your scientific publication. However, if you are a person wishing to validate how you communicate with the world around you, while others consistantly critize your approach you may be pleasantly suprised to find that your actually on track when the science is applied to really quantify your "feelings" about how things should be done. It was a pleasant epiphany for me. I would hope it would be for you as well.

In 1995, as an officer in the US Submarine force, I read Goleman's first book - "Emotional Intelligence". It was an eye-opener for someone in a leadership role operating under unusual and extremely stressful conditions. None of my military leadership training, nor any of my mentors in the military, had prepared me for leading people on an emotional level.

Naturally, Goleman's most recent book strikes a similar chord. Whether it's a social, business or casual interaction, this book explains many of the fundamental dynamics of the human brain when interacting with another person. While much of it seems intuitive, and many of the referenced sytudies have been cited in other works, this book packages it all together rather nicely. Fans of the Cameron Diaz/Ben Stiller movie "There's Something About Mary" will even recognize a scientific correlation to the famed "don't go out with a loaded gun" discussion. (No, not the unconventional hair gel, but the condition of the male brain after the fact.)

Combined with "The Tipping Point", this book makes the required reference library for any marketeer.

I cannot recommend this book. I found Emotional Intelligence to be similarly dry and overly technical, but it was much more substantive. Social intelligence has a few interesting points, but overall it gets annoyingly repetitive.

The main reason for my review however, is about the Audio CD. It is read to you in a hurry. With all the technical jargon thrown at you, you need time to follow. This pace is too fast for a regular book, let alone this. After repeatedly rewinding and replaying, I gave up and returned it.

The author discusses the importance of relationships and how they impact both our experience and biology. The book provides a good foundation upon which the reader can further explore the field if interested.

Social intelligence is broken down into two facets: social awareness and social facility (how we act in response). Drawing on the behavioral and biological effects of our interactions, the author provides some helpful guidance in areas from parenting to our health care system.

Although first part of the book reads like a textbook, it becomes more engaging as the reader progresses.

It's such an interesting topic but I wish someone else had written this.

He cites many examples to back up what he's trying to say but it's so disconnected. It doesn't feel like it's getting anywhere. And so what? What does this example MEAN? Why is it important? Is that a GOOD thing, a BAD thing? Meh.

It's ironic that this book is often about how we pick up on unconscious social cues and yet the writer seems out of touch - like he's from another time. He uses words like "busybody" and "hitherto" and I can overlook that but every other line is a metaphor and every other one of those metaphors uses the word "dance". Every social interaction between two people is a "subtle dance." YUCK.

Maybe it's more obvious to me because I'm listening to the audio version, but every time he says it, I groan.

Too bad.

If you've ever been in a serious relationship (and who hasn't) whether it be family, work, dating or marriage this is one of the most comprehensive books I've ever read to help understand the complex dynamics involved in those relationships. I strongly recommend this book for anyone contemplating or entering a new relationship or understanding why an old one failed. The knowledge gained from reading this book helps us to be less judmental of ourselves and others and promotes forgiveness simply because there are so many factors that cause humans to behave the way they do and how we became the person we are today. All of this can lead to deeper understanding and healing thus moving us to make better choices and realize there are tools to help us move forward with a healthier mental, emotional physical and spiritual awareness and outlook. This book also shows us that nothing has to remain the same. We do have some control over how we can respond to life's difficulties. Thers is so much a person can glean from this book that is far to numerous to mention.

Although this was heavily laden with scientific references to the human brain, it had at least equally as much acknowledgement in lamens terms references to how people interact socially. I found it interesting and accurate. Do not buy it if you're looking for coping strategies or advice on handling particular situations. It's a study of what is. Not a "how to" on change.

You could open this book anywhere and read something within the scope of the subject you may not have known before. What jumps out the most for me is the authors way of communicating a subject with his words. When a person is in love with his craft and wants to share and WANTS to help you understand(like any fine teacher) it shows, and with Daniel Goleman it shows in a very big way.

This enlightening, fact filled book is a confirmation of what most of us have

suspected. We impact our environment & our environment impacts us. Social

Intelligence focuses on how this happens in the realm of human interaction.

Utilizing cutting- edge, clinical research and neural science technology,

Daniel Goleman describes what happens in the human brain when we are engaged

in social situations . Our communications, including, facial expressions, body

language, thoughts and words, send instant neurological messages between

participants - it's a dance which stimulates specific areas of the brain,

releasing any number of proteins & hormones. This chain reaction affects the

state of our physical condition, contributing to well being or discomfort and

dis-ease. This neurological activity is automatic & mechanical, based on the

memory of similar, past experiences stored in our brain.. Not an accurate

account of what is really happening currently. Coleman identifies this

reactive behavior as the "Low Road mode" of brain operation, rooted in

survival. I love what he calls the "High Road" mode, where we are capable of

bypassing past based behaviors. Coleman observes, if we simply see what is

actually in front of us & not get hooked by the brains mechanical referencing,

we make appropriate, more satisfying choices, see a "bigger picture"& are more

in synch with what/who is showing up in our lives.

Another book that rocked my awareness of "being" was How to Create a Magical

Relationship by Ariel & Shya Kane. Their insights into social interactions,

through real life stories was a gentle eye opener for me. I have acquired a

new, nonjudgmental awareness of my particular past based survival mechanisms,

allowing me to make more appropriate choices in any given situation --- Very

freeing, indeed!

This is a very boring, badly written text -- it just wanders all over the place and never says anything. The basic premise, I think, is that we are neurologically wired to communicate with others -- and that it takes a concerted effort on everyone's part to understand and be kind.

Other than that, the thing just kills you when you try to read it straight through.

Find a 10-minute video about this on YouTube and watch that instead. You'll get all you need out of it.

Although this was heavily laden with scientific references to the human brain, it had at least equally as much acknowledgement in lamens terms references to how people interact socially. I found it interesting and accurate. Do not buy it if you're looking for coping strategies or advice on handling particular situations. It's a study of what is. Not a "how to" on change.

You could open this book anywhere and read something within the scope of the subject you may not have known before. What jumps out the most for me is the authors way of communicating a subject with his words. When a person is in love with his craft and wants to share and WANTS to help you understand(like any fine teacher) it shows, and with Daniel Goleman it shows in a very big way.

This enlightening, fact filled book is a confirmation of what most of us have

suspected. We impact our environment & our environment impacts us. Social

Intelligence focuses on how this happens in the realm of human interaction.

Utilizing cutting- edge, clinical research and neural science technology,

Daniel Goleman describes what happens in the human brain when we are engaged

in social situations . Our communications, including, facial expressions, body

language, thoughts and words, send instant neurological messages between

participants - it's a dance which stimulates specific areas of the brain,

releasing any number of proteins & hormones. This chain reaction affects the

state of our physical condition, contributing to well being or discomfort and

dis-ease. This neurological activity is automatic & mechanical, based on the

memory of similar, past experiences stored in our brain.. Not an accurate

account of what is really happening currently. Coleman identifies this

reactive behavior as the "Low Road mode" of brain operation, rooted in

survival. I love what he calls the "High Road" mode, where we are capable of

bypassing past based behaviors. Coleman observes, if we simply see what is

actually in front of us & not get hooked by the brains mechanical referencing,

we make appropriate, more satisfying choices, see a "bigger picture"& are more

in synch with what/who is showing up in our lives.

Another book that rocked my awareness of "being" was How to Create a Magical

Relationship by Ariel & Shya Kane. Their insights into social interactions,

through real life stories was a gentle eye opener for me. I have acquired a

new, nonjudgmental awareness of my particular past based survival mechanisms,

allowing me to make more appropriate choices in any given situation --- Very

freeing, indeed!

This is a very boring, badly written text -- it just wanders all over the place and never says anything. The basic premise, I think, is that we are neurologically wired to communicate with others -- and that it takes a concerted effort on everyone's part to understand and be kind.

Other than that, the thing just kills you when you try to read it straight through.

Find a 10-minute video about this on YouTube and watch that instead. You'll get all you need out of it.

The book provides tons of stories that describe and support the various explanations of SI. The mountains of material lends strongly to the author's credibility but the book is very dry. It is a bit like going to a social event and having someone talk to you about the wonders of tax code the whole time.

It did examine and articulate many of the social dynamics we see every day. It could just have used some of the dynamic in the writing. Perhaps it would have been best for the author to hire someone else to translate his findings and conclusions in written form. Someone better at communicating in a compelling manner. The author describes an "optimal" state of learning that is "inspired." Reading the book does not put you in an optimal state of learning.

Ever call someone and that person was just about to call you? Have you ever thought of someone "out of the blue" and then bump into them soon afterwards? Coincidence? I don't think so. In Daniel Goleman's book, "Social Intelligence", you will see how our minds are connected and how other people's thoughts can affect us and how our thoughts can affect other people. It is a revolutionary book about how we are more connected to each other in ways that we would never have thought possible.

Another book which shows how we are connected is How To Create a Magical Relationship by Ariel and Shya Kane. It takes you on a journey of discovering how individuals can make a difference in other people's lives and how we are impacted by other people through the elegant use of narratives of real people's lives. The Kanes show you how you can live more fully and be present so you can have the best life possible. Through this book, I've personally discovered that living in the moment makes me more aware and open to experiencing so many gems in life than if I was lost in thought.

After reading "Emotional Intelligence" I was excited about this book, but after reading it, I was a little disappointed. I felt like he didn't have as much science to back him up and he didn't cover as much in this book as he did in EI.

It is a decent book, though. So if you're just looking to learn more about the way humans interact with each other, go for it. If you are hoping for the same insight as "Emotional Intelligence", I'd wait for this to come out in paperback.

Goleman has done it again. This is a phenomenal companion to his successful book, Emotional Intelligence. Social Intelligence is very well-written, easy to follow book, and will give anyone who reads it a deeper understanding of what relationships are all about. I doubt the reader will ever look at relationships the same. It certainly gives a greater glimpse into the nature of the world we live in and why things are the way they are.

During the first third of this book, I was completely carried along by the scientific outlook and optimism. There are two mutually supporting aspects of social intelligence discussed in detail. One is human relations by the instinctual fast mode, called "the low road" and the other is the more intellectual and slow mode called "the high road". The distinctions are fascinating. Without the modern neurological biochemistry, his book could have been written 100 years ago, and probably was, many times over. What is now different is that both fast and slow thought processes can be traced to particular parts of the brain and to more or less of certain biochemicals being present. This does not yet lead to any better understanding of social intelligence, which is practiced so well by successful politicians, clergy, opinion leaders, and rabble rousers who would be dictators. Social intelligence is said to be at least as important as scientific or technical intelligence, and to be under appreciated. Maybe so, but was Benito Mussolini really smarter than Enrico Fermi? Was Hideki Tojo really smarter than Akio Morita of Sony?

The interplay with detailed physiology of human interactions and physical damage is given in great detail, and most of it is probably accurate. Unfortunately, Goleman agrees with the standard dogma on cholesterol and blood pressure. See book: Malignant Medical Myths, 2006 (MMM). Goleman gave much attention to chemical differences in criminals. What a shock that the true effects of cholesterol in criminals is completely ignored. A large number of clinical studies showed that cholesterol levels <180 were associated with depression, accidents, suicide, homicide, antisocial personality disorder in criminals and army veterans, cocaine and heroin addiction, and high relapse rates after detoxification (Buydens-Branchey & Branchey, 2003). A review on 32 studies found a strong association of low cholesterol (especially <200 mg/dL) with violent behaviors and violent death (Golomb, 1998).

Regarding criminals and recidivism, after many other examples of treatments and results, Goleman wrote (on p296) of the 4-month multi systemic treatment (MST). This was carried out by counselors who followed the young ex-cons and tries to make them spend as much time with favorable people already known to the ex-con, whoever they are. That is, cultivate a web of healthy connections. He actually wrote: "...For young offenders who have gone through the program, recidivism rates tracked over three years after release drop by anywhere from 25 to 70 percent."

This is meaningless, since the drop must apply to a group. There had to have been a single mean or median quoted, and there was not. Furthermore, these are not clearly absolute or relative rates (see MMM). On top of this, the drop in % recidivism has no obvious comparative -- was the 25-70% compared with those who did not go through the program at all? Of those offered the program, how many refused or did not complete it? If refusals or dropouts are high, then the program might show an overall drop in recidivism of only 5-10%.

The key citation was: Borduin CM et al., Multi systemic Treatment of Serious Juvenile Offenders: Long-Term Prevention of Criminality and Violence. J Consulting Clinical Psych 1995;63(4):569-578. This paper had an uninformative abstract with no numerical outcomes. No major medical journal would have accepted it with such a poor abstract. The numbers of refusers and dropouts was internally inconsistent and hard to decipher.

In the body of the paper, it was clear that the 4-year recidivism rate with MST, determined by how many were arrested, was compared with ordinary 1-on-1 talk therapy (IT) and with complete refusal of the programs. Of treatment refusers, the recidivism rate was 87.5%. Of IT dropouts it was 71%, of IT completers it was 71%, showing the total uselessness of talk therapy as conventionally done. Of MST dropouts it was 47%, and of MST completers, 22%, a good improvement one would think.

There was complete refusal by 12% of the original group. IT dropouts were 33%. MST dropouts were 24%. So summing 24% dropouts and 12 % refusals, 36% assigned to MST did not start or did not finish it. This seems to mean that of all those offered MST and completing it, the recidivism rate was 50%, a good result.

My suspicions were confirmed that some of the trial data was presented by Goleman in a glib and misleading manner. This was not the only case. Mutant statistics do not foster understanding. See Calculated Risk by Gerd Gigerenzer, 2002.

Toward the end the topics became somewhat more political; for example, on p317 Goleman noted "...policies that burden the poorest countries with such huge debts that they have too little left to pay for food or medical care for their children." No alternative is given. Was it supposed to be better to have foreign aid without limit and no strings? How well has this worked?

At first the referencing seemed to be of the highest academic standard, with numbers in the text. But of the 26 citations to Chapter 20, for example, only 6 were to peer-reviewed journals. There is an extensive index, but recidivism was not found.

An enticing book with many interesting topics on human interactions and their physical and chemical bases, but beware trial results with relative risk and no dropout rates, and those with oversimplified results (see MMM).

*****

Buydens-Branchey, L., Branchey, M. (2003). Association Between Low Plasma Levels of Cholesterol and Relapse in Cocaine Addicts. Psychosomatic Medicine, 65:86-91.

Golomb, B. (1998). Cholesterol and Violence:Is There a Connection? Annals of Internal Medicine, 128:478-487.

Goleman offers a number of interesting insights on how the brain is both programmed to respond to (i.e., empathy) and can be shaped by (i.e., mirroring) social stimuli. Unfortuately, the author sacrifices intellectual integrity when he makes an unsupportable leap in the middle of the book that appears to be an attempt to buttress a personal belief that humans are innately kind. He invokes the concepts of empathy and social mirroring at the subconscious level (the low road) combined with the automatic response of the brain (as viewed on fMRIs) to argue that humans are programmed to be kind. He uses the example of a baby crying and highlights the fact that the area of the brain that fires when we feel empathy towards that baby is universal. However, his own concept of social mirroring contradictst this conclusion. Mirroring (as he presents it) can work both ways. Social mirroring suggests that the human brain is a neutral palate that wil react in line with the nature of the social stimuli (fear, anger, pain, empathy etc). Disappointing to see him let his personal agenda trump intellectual honesty, particularly given his previous book, Emotional Intelligence, was a four or five star effort.

Daniel Goleman theorizes that we are designed for sociability, and that the direct relationships between our brains helps shape our interactions. One of many interesting discussions involves the distinction between the "low road" of emotion -- our immediate, visceral reactions, say, to an attractive face or a nasty remark -- and the "high road" in which we run emotions through the neural system, which allows us to ponder and plan our reactions to others. He takes these ideas far deeper than the typical sociology text.

I recommend this book to anyone interested in the science and the art of human relationships. Like a good movie, it may even merit a second visit.

Outside of the grand medical terminology, this book presented me with a clear vision of why I do what I do in social situations. I can say my social life has improved after applying the medical findings of this book to my life. It is not a book on how to be social, but rather shows what the brain goes through internally as we socializ externally.