Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers - American Girls

Everything in this book is dead-on accurate and sad as hell, except that the author does not hold parents accountable for the mess we have put our girls in.
So parents, if you don't want to be an absolute idiot like most of the parents out there who bizarrely and witlessly enable pornography and sexting and a lifetime of ADD and sexual self-esteem issues for their daughters, do the following ASAP:

1. Don't give your kids iPhones or iPads. If you already did, take those devices away and sell them. Suck up the loss. The parental controls on Apple's mobile devices are pathetically weak and easily gotten around. Apple keeps it that way, apparently on purpose. Instead, get your kid an old school flip phone so as to avoid the problem altogether, or, if you must give them something fancy, give them an Android smartphone, but not before downloading and figuring out some really serious, world class parental control apps like Screentime or MmGuardian (neither of which work well in IOS, but which give parents control far better than in the Apple ecosystem). There are other parental control apps, but those two I've tried and they work well for me. Amazingly well. Kids hate them. Need I say more? None of them work with IOS, only android.
2. With those apps you can then give your kids an hour a day (or whatever amount of time you deem correct) of social networking time, and use things like Screentime to enforce that amount of time instead of wrestling with your kid or squabbling with them to get physical control of the device.
3. Subscribe to a web control service like Webcurfew.com which is the only thing that works seriously to block the web at home on schedules of your choosing, by device. you can block your kids devices during bedtime, the school day, and homework time. Again, there are competitor services to Webcurfew, but its the service I am familiar with.
4. Supplement the above by paying a bit extra to your phone carrier to have the add-on services like Family Base (verizon) or SmartLimits (ATT). These allow you to cut off texting (except to parental emergency numbers) and calls during bedtime, school time, and homework time.
5. Set up the controls once installed so kids can't download apps without your say-so. And then don't let them have the social media apps unless you have the usernames and passwords and are prepared to do some monitoring of what they are doing on social media. if you can't do that, don't let them have it at all. After all, you are the parent.
6. Tell your kids to take down the sexualized pictures on instagram or Facebook. Or, since you now have the passwords, take them down yourself and ban your kid from using them for a while until they promise to stop doing it
7. Mac laptops have really good parental controls, if you are prepared to figure out how to use them. You can block Facebook for example, or just put limits on laptop usage, or block the camera or imessaging. Easy peasy. What are you waiting for?
8. Stop listening to the techno-optimists at your kids school that it is all okay. Ask parents what they are doing to block internet pornography at home. it can be done pretty easily. Parents who aren't actively blocking and filtering the internet should be made to feel that they are part of the problem in the wider society.
9. Be prepared to spend time each week monitoring, checking, changing passwords, doing tech maintenance on these devices to keep the controls functioning. It should become as easy as loading a dishwasher. It's part of your job now.
10. Warn parents of younger kids what's going to happen when their kids hit puberty. It might give them pause before they use their mobile devices as babysitting tools for their little one.
11. If your kid isn't addicted yet to social media, pat yourself on the back for preventing it. If your kid is already addicted, be prepared to implement the above with a lot of horrific fighting and squabbling, but stay the course. it is the right thing in the long run. It is a fight for your kids brains, a fight between you and those Silicon Valley guys who want your kids addicted.

I know it is horrible and hard.... Silicon Valley is evil in this game, but what kind of sick world would it be if parents didn't step up?

First, just let me say that I appreciate this author for wading into this topic. Our society has a bias for bias, and you can’t hardly comment on something like this without being accused of something by somebody. She probably gets attacked from the left and the right. It takes thick skin to wade in on a topic like this.

This book alternately made me sad or angry. The first 150 pages were by far the best. Fair warning, it is mostly based on the observations of teenage kids, most of whom appear to crave fame and influence and have the predictable human blind spots amplified by adolescence. This distorts things.

Keep this in mind: how many times has a female or male friend complained that there “just aren’t any good men” or “there just aren’t any good girls” out there? Yeah, a lot. What is generally happening is that the person speaking is trying to get the attention of the types of people they think they should be with (“cool”), and ignoring those they think are beneath them, but upset when they in turn are used or treated badly. There is a lot of that in this book.

It isn’t usually until your mid to late twenties that you start to figure out that you are happier with someone who may not be so perfect looking but who is kind and loving. The kids in this book are still craving attention from the wrong sorts of people. If I just had a penny for how many times a guy/girl has chased a “bad” boy or girl who is good looking and popular while ignoring (and hurting) someone much better suited for them. Unfortunately, the author draws too many conclusions from this anecdotal evidence, and don’t be fooled by the number of them—she seems to have picked the same sorts of kids (accounting only for color, which isn’t nothing, but few of us are defined only by race). There don't seem to be any band kids, or geeks, or devout Christians, or anything other than the group that conforms to her reality (with one exception). It's like in a small town where you think you know everyone, but the truth is you only know a few hundred people out of a few thousend. This is a well-established mental error that humans often make. Not that social media isn't pervasive, but it's simply not the case the teenage boys are universally odious.

The author is also quite inconsistent, which was disappointing. She goes on and on about how feminism is not man-hating, then just rips into men making massive generalizations and blames the problems she had been elucidating on sexism. She hates on how boys aren’t respecting women, but doesn’t seem to see the irony that it was feminists that dismantled the ways boys traditionally learned to respect women. It is the fear of being accused of sexism that keeps people from teaching their sons to treat girls as any different from boys.

She is at her strongest pointing out that “making your own choices doesn’t make you a feminist” nor does “professional success make you a feminist icon.” (paraphrasing) A genuine concern for women’s welfare is what makes a feminist. I appreciated her stance on porn and how it distorts sexual relationships. In today’s “sex positive” culture that can be a brave stance.

She is at her weakest repeating the sexual double standard well over a dozen times, and suggesting that dress codes are sexist because they don’t include boys. Well, boys don’t wear miniskirts, but if it makes you feel better feel free to suggest banning them for both sexes. The idea that women wear skirts and not men could itself be “sexist,” because it's different (and if all difference is sexist...). She critisizes female exhibitionism because "guys don't do it," but repeatedly (and rightly) attacks penis texts... but doesn't see the direct contradiction in her argument. I also found that her notion that it is sexist for female sexuality to be different from male sexuality is, well, kind of sexist since it implies that male sexuality is somehow preferable. At one point she criticizes another author for focusing too much on girls… in a book about girls.

At the end of the day the author deserves a great deal of credit for illuminating a world that those of us who are older than 30 or so have trouble relating to: social media as a first language. I ended up sharing passages of this book with many that I know. A book should be thought provoking, and in this it succeeded.

An important but depressing book. Sales main thesis is that the prevalence of porn has infiltrated mainstream culture and has normalized the fact that young men and women objectify themselves through social media apps. She highlights different groups of young girls and women across the U.S. in mini vignettes discussing how (in a sense) they fabricate their social media images to get the most "likes". This is not inherently problematic, until many young women describe the lengths they go to to post "sexy" images of themselves - a lot of make up, very little clothing, specific poses - as a way of attracting attention from boys and competing with other girls. Things get murkier when young boys send d*** pics and ask young girls for nudes (which are often screen shot and shared online for everyone to see). Sales also interviews high school girls and discusses many instances of cyberbullying and hooking up. The last part of her book consists of interviews with college students and shows that easy access to many different potential mates for no-strings-attached sex has resulted in many people not dating and getting to know one another. She poses many interesting questions. The content is good and her analysis is sharp.

I do think that Sales portrays an accurate phenomenon of what is happening with teens today. I am a middle school teacher, and I was really blown away when I learned that teens at our school were sending nude pictures to each other on Snapchat. This book gave me a wider perspective and and a sense of urgency that I need to find ways to combat this in my classroom and school.

I have a few criticisms of the book. The first is that it was not well organized. Each chapter is organized by age of young people being interviewed but that results in a lot of repetitive information and insights. The second is that for all the emphasis on what feminism is and how girls are objectifying themselves, the cover image is very much one from a "male gaze." We have three young girls, their heads cut off, only their torsos shown. I know this is supposed to emphasize that they are together but on their phones. The last is that each time she is interviewing a new teenager, she mentions their ethnicity - often I wondered why is it important to know their skin tone and hair color? Is it her attempt to show that she was interviewing a "diverse" group of teens? I would argue that most of these young people are middle and upper middle class. Finally she has very little to offer in terms of what we can do counter this so our young girls and boys have healthier images of themselves and agency to resist.

There are several main topics covered in this book: (1) Online social media and how it's
used, what the online social sites are, what the apps are, and how they're used. (2) The
lives and social styles of American girls, and especially, how those lives are affected by
smartphones and social media.

This is not a survey or research book. It does not do that much in the way of facts and
figures, percentages of users and average times of smartphone use etc. Sales has done
extensive interviews with teenage girls and small groups of teen girls who are friends,
then reports on these conversations.

Some of it reports the loves and friendships and relationship problems and so on of
teenage girls. There's a awful lot of this kind of person stories in "American girls",
more than I found I wanted. So, you may want to filter out some of it, although it does
make for entertaining stories.

While reading this book, I find myself thinking how outrageous and bizarre and strange
these stories are. And, then I began asking myself why this seems so strange, even
shocking to me. I suspect there are a number of reasons:

- I'm way beyond my teenage years when being popular, having the right clothes, talking
with my friends was a more central part of my life.

- I'm a heavy computer user; I spend most of each day at a computer. But, the idea of
typing for an extended period of time on my mobile phone seems tedious and annoying to
me.

- The ways I communicate are simple and retro. I use email and I have a static Web site
where I've made articles and computer code I've written available. Using Twitter and
Facebook and Instagram etc. does not fit my needs at all.

Still, the stories Sales tells and the teenagers that these stories are about do seem
extreme. I cannot remember that I or any of my friends obsessed about Elvis Presley or
the Beach Boys as much as some of Sales's subjects obsess about the Kardashians. Maybe
the Beatles? Yes, but surely those teens that screamed and swooned when seeing the
Beatles in person were paid to fake that, weren't they. They were not from *my* high
school.

And, even talking with my friends, as a teenager, was something I wanted to do during
lunch-time at school or during breaks between classes. I wasn't something I wanted to do
for hours after class and in the evenings. I had a life of my own; there were things I
wanted to do. Or, maybe I was the loner and the freak, even as a teenager.

Sales claims that she had a similar reaction of shock at some of the behavior of teens on
social media, in particular teen girls (and boys, too) posting nude pictures of
themselves, and also because of the calm acceptance of the attitudes and interactions that
seem shocking to Sales. The shaming and bullying and mean treatment on social media are
especially hard to understand and accept. But, some of Sales's interviewees do accept
these behaviors as the new normal.

If you are interested in this topic, you may also want to read:

- Jean M. Twenge; Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?; The Atlantic; 9/2017.

- John Lanchester; "You are the product"; "London review of books"; 8/17/2017; p. 3.

Twenge reports on studies and surveys of the frequency and amount and styles of smartphone
use by teenagers. She also reports on the effects that this smartphone use, which has
been increasing dramatically in recent years, is having on the lifestyles of teenagers and
how the relate to friends and family and how they spend their time etc. Emotionally, it's
not a cheery picture. Teens who use their smartphones a lot, and increasingly many of
them do, are becoming lonely, depressed, and unhappy.

This is the first generation in which so many have had a smartphone since such a young
age. The next cohort will have had a smartphone all their lives; they will not know life
without one. They actively explore new uses for smartphones, especially those uses
related to social media. They're the pioneers and early adopters of those new uses. We
will, I think, in the future, see new and innovative uses for smartphones because of the
demands they make on the smartphone and software and social media industry. But, as with
other kinds of pioneers, they may be making sacrifices during this process.

I keep wishing that these teens would stop, put down their smartphones, and ask themselves
whether they are getting something that they want from life.

Twenge, by the way, discusses in her article how difficult it might be for those, parents
for example, to limit and reduce the amount of time teenagers spend staring at a
smartphone screen, especially given that those teens will have had a smartphone from such
an early age. I'm wondering whether a better and more hopeful strategy might be to
attempt to alter the kinds of uses teens make of their smartphones, attempting to
encourage them to engage in activities other than obsessive texting, seeking more likes
and popularity, attempting to post pictures to make their friends and followers jealous,
etc. And, why do they want their friends to be constantly judging them, anyway.

I should explain my own interest in this book. I initially was attracted to and started
reading "American girls" because I wanted to find out what new and innovative uses
teenagers were finding and developing for smartphones. I found two things: (1) "American
girls" is much more interesting on several other issues, especially those related to
sociology, for example, the life-styles of teenage girls in the U.S. and what social and
psychological problems teens are bothered by. (2) The uses that teens put smartphones to
are not particularly innovative in the sense that they (teens) are not doing the
innovating themselves: they can be more accurately described as being attracted to, sucked
in by, and becoming addicted to smartphone apps that are provided by large providers of
social media Web apps such as Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, and more.
Obsessively seeking the approval of your peers does not seem like something that will lead
to new and useful ways to use a smartphone.

I'm saying that they are being sucked into or lured into such use because it is not the
case that they have a need or a use and go looking for a tool or Web site that satisfies
that need and provides that use. They don't have a need. These Web sites are creating the
need, and it's an artificial need that teenagers would be better off without. Teens are
attracted to these Web sites usually because their friends and other are using them, and
not because they have a problem that the Web site or app solves. And, I'm saying that
it's an addiction, after reading Sales's book and Twenge's article, because of their heavy
and obsessive use and because it does not make them happy. They are drawn to use these
social media sites, and they seemingly cannot stop using them, even though they (the
teens) become more unhappy, more stressed, and even depressed from using them.

After reading "American girls", I find that I want someone to tell these teenage girls to
sit down, put your fingers to your chin, and think about whether you are really getting
anything you want from this activity.

In Sales's last chapter "Conclusion", she wonders about what is different about being a
teenage girl now from her own experiences as a teen. Part of it, she seems to think is
just the same difficulties of being a teen that she had, but perhaps more extreme, and
amplified by the stress of interacting on social media. But, the one thing that she is
sure is different is the amount of porn, in particular porn videos that teenage boys
watch. That, she says, changes the way boys view and treat girls, and it's definitely a
change for the worse. To a significant extent, these changes involve what is now
considered normal behavior. When sexting by teens and boys asking girls to send nude
pictures of themselves comes to being viewed as normal, even if only by teens, we know
that we're viewing a big and a negative change.

Sales recognizes and one of her interviewees reports on how important it is to teenage
girls to be "cool", "with it", to have and use the latest and newest of everything,
including Web apps. Tech and Web companies are very aware of this attraction, and they
use it to attract girls to their Web sites and apps. Sales believes that tech companies
are preying upon and exploiting teenage girls by attracting them in this way. Moreover,
Sales feels that because of this, those tech companies have an obligation to treat their
users, especially teenage girls, with respect. In particular, they have an obligation to
police and prevent cyberbullying, to reduce the degradation of teenage girls, to monitor
and stop the harassment of teenage girls and children, and to prevent girls (and boys,
too) from posting nude pictures of themselves. Given the amount of money these companies
are making off teens, it is not too much to ask that they do the right thing.

This book was somewhat eye-opening -- but only somewhat. I really left the experience being wholly unconvinced that Sales has the right read on everything she discusses. I mean, I love the fact that she interviewed so many teen girls for this project, but it was overwhelmingly clear throughout the book that a millennial should have been either a co-author or editor here, because Sales draws a lot of conclusions that don’t really seem supported by the evidence that she quotes about how these teens interact with one another. And by “millennial” I primarily mean digital native, because there were multiple instances where this 50-year-old author raises some tired boogeyman about social media or search engines that just doesn’t ring true to my late-20s ears at all.

It’s also strange for a book that is primarily worrying about the effects of modern technology on teenage sociality to largely omit any discussion of what teenagers used to be like before the current age. The teens Sales quotes often express a desire to have lived in some earlier time where things like Instagram or Tinder didn’t exist, but I’m pretty sure teenagers have always romanticized a past they didn’t live through. As the researcher here, Sales should have done more homework to actually identify what about today’s teens is truly a break from the past and what is simply the same business young adults have always gotten up to, just in a new instrumentality.

If the topic of teens and social media (and mature online content, which really should have been mentioned somewhere in the title given how large a role it plays in the text) interests you, I do think this book is a good resource. But maybe just for the interviews that are quoted from, rather than the author’s conclusions.

I borrowed this book in kindle format from my library loan system. I found it to be a very interesting read, albeit I think some of it is taken a bit out of context. I have no doubt that these things are happening, and happening often. But I don't think EVERY school, EVERY teen, EVERY one is as she paints it to be. I would have liked to have seen more than what appeared to be upper and upper middle class, urban and busy suburban students represented. Inner city minorities? Rural youth? Girls from differing backgrounds? (I'm not saying there was none of this, but all of her subjects read and talk much the same). I think that would paint a broader picture and be a bit less alarmist than what is written here.

The book does use social media and it's interviews to delve heavily into the meanings of feminism today, the double standards that persist, and what it means to be a teen girl. She often uses data from other sources, which really broadens her base and makes this more relevant than just an opinion piece. It also makes the book weighty and at times a bit repetitive and slow.

I just heard Ms. Sales interviewed by Terri Gross on NPR, and I'm buying this book. It's clearly a must-have for any mother of a daughter under the age of 21. I feel grateful she did this research to reveal this heart-breaking and often depraved culture in which our daughters exist, and in our communities.

I am slack-jawed at the unbelievable ignorance of Michael Saitta and James Brannan, 2 other reviewers of this book posted on the store. I have to rub my eyes to read Mr. Brannan's comment "....it's just body parts...who cares?" That comment reveals how clueless many adults are -- many men, many fathers, and perhaps some women -- about the hyper-sexualization and hyper-objectification of adolescent and pre-adolescent girls in our culture, with most girls often targeted by their peers (as the book brings to light, thankfully). It really blows my mind these 2 men can respond in this way to such a silent epidemic of shame and misogyny being exacted on our daughters. Some might wonder if these men have young daughters.

But this book now! This book should be mandatory for all parents of teenagers regardless of gender. Please do not be misled by the title: this book candidly discusses the use of and impact of social media on girls and boys. As a parent to both boys and girls I found this book shocking, horrifying in some instances, insightful and it resonated with me deeply as I wade into the world of social media for my children. Ms. Sales gives us access to the lives of girls and boys in various age and maturity levels without judgment or hostility towards their choices. Rather she presents their respective worlds as evidence of current trends in our society and the impact of living within the confines of social media, competition and the new frontier of digital popularity and acceptance. Thanks to Ms. Sales' book I feel I will be a more cognizant parent to my children as they maneuver through digital media. More importantly I feel as though I will be able to avoid some pitfalls that result from the use of social media by young adults such as the dilution of empathy and the quest for "likes" to fill the void of self-confidence. Read this book now and pass it along to others.

Loaded with endless examples of data...like a very thick text book. I was looking for solutions...difficult to dig them out. I already know the problems. A real grind to get through and I doubt that most parents (the people who REALLY need to find answers will read it).

As a Millennial who just finished this book I can’t tell you how accurate the author captured the younger members of my generation. The stories are all riveting and had me pulled in from start to finish. The author keeps a refreshingly neutral point of view on the subject and lets the stories speak for themselves- This is what these girls have experienced, it’s not a laundry list of how to keep your kids off the internet or some sort of “soccer mom scare tactic”. I highly recommend this book to parents who want to understand what social media actually is and to other Millennials in the midst of it all.

Hello Ms. Sales. I just referred your book, American Girls, to the second friend this week, and perhaps the 20th friend overall. And I just wanted to say thank you for writing it. It still terrifies me, but it was the most powerful book I've yet to read, as the mom of one teen daughter, and the dorm parent to 20 teen girls each school year. Thank you for educating us moms and us women, for putting the truth out there. It seems timely now, as so many scream of "what a scary time it is for our boys". I'm still terrified for our girls. But knowing the truth, what's truly out there, begins the journey to empowerment. I thank you for being one voice of truth to us. Keep on writing! The world needs your truth!

This book infuriated me. It contains vague and admittedly unproved statistics like "4-50% of middle school girls have sexted." I listened to about 1/4 of the audio book and the tone (of the narrative & narrator) is the sort of prudishness that's so intense it becomes salacious. Certainly this is an important issue worth exposure and examination. Wait for the book that approaches it in a balanced, nuanced manner.

Did not purchase on the store (found it at Target), but wanted to write a review anyway. I have no children, I'm a teacher, but this is seriously making me rethink when the point comes for me to have children & posting their lives online. The book is about teenage girls from 13-19 and the role that social media plays in their lives. The insight is truly amazing and as a teacher of 16-18 year old girls, I'm scared for them. I didn't have to deal with the type of pressure they clearly deal with now. I'm proud of my students and hope they make smart choices, but this book should be given to all parents as they leave the maternity ward -- educate yourself about the lives of teens.. It'll be different in another 10-15years, I'm sure, but being aware is key. I've also communicated back and forth with the Editor on Twitter and would love for her to come and give a talk at my school to parents and students. This information must be spoken about - we can't ignore this.

Sad, terrifying and necessary for any parent or guardian to read. My heart aches for these teenagers and the unstable foundation porn + social media has created for them, not to mention the general lack of respect for women that is perpetuated in our society now. Thank you Ms. Sales for this eye opening look into the teenager experience.

This book was very distressing to read but extremely important. The biggest take-away that I had was that unlimited access to the internet has created a monster for our children, and yet so many parents are too busy or naive to understand what is going on. It's like we say to our kids, " Go play in that big field over there; there are a bunch of land mines over there, but I'm sure you won't get blown up." Kids are no longer allowed to be kids. I think a lot parents rush them a long because it's easier to have your kids busy so you can focus on yourself. But parenting well is hard work and it lasts decades. Read also the "Collapse of Parenting" as to why all of this is happening. We have kids who have not learned to respect themselves and others and often no one counterbalancing the horrible values they're learning from porn and the Kardashians. I am one of the only moms I know who won't let her daughter on social media. All of my friends allow their daughters, who are really struggling with navigating this hostile online climate. Why do we allow this for our children? It's a fear we have that they will miss out and not be popular if they don't. I told my 13 year old daughter that she would have to read this book before I let her on social media. I think she's actually relieved that we're looking out for her and making sure she and her her younger brother don't get hurt in this toxic mine field.

This view of teenage girls and social media presented layered and nuanced stories with subtle nods to research. As an early millennial, I only encountered early social media in my college years, which made the impact less profound. To see what social media natives are experiencing was eye opening and a wake up call.

This book is utterly necessary. There are far more descriptive reviews on the content, I'm here to second their endorsement. I almost didn't read this (I have so many others on my nightstand!) As a parent, I'm very glad I didn't pass this up. Move this one to the top of the stack, folks.

A valuable, informative, thought-provoking book. While the similarities of experience and language from the broad range of socio-economic groups covered are a large part of the point, the reportage became mind-numbing toward the last 1/3 of the book. This again may be part of the point and I appreciate what the author had to go through to deliver this report.

American Girls left me with my mouth hanging open over and over again. What a disturbing, depressing, but absolutely necessary book! This should be required reading for every mother and father of teen and preteen girls. All I can say is thank goodness my kids are already grown, because this is NOT a world I would've wanted to raise them in. So disturbing. So important. And very well written besides.

This is a masterful work capturing the ethos of our current culture, in an idiosyncratic way that no other non-fiction writer is doing at this time. Nancy Jo Sales holds up a terrifying and empathetic mirror to the day to day lives of teen girls today. If you are curious about what hyper-sexual/hyper-everything culture is doing to the teen girl in your life, take the time to read the heartbreaking stories of these girls from all over America who are struggling with coming of age and forming an identity in a time where they are obliterated by a nauseating amount of stimuli 24 hours a day.

If you are a parent, you really should read American Girls. This book was a train wreck, in that it was horrifying and heartbreaking but I couldn't look away. As the mother of a 12 year old who received her first phone when she started middle school,and a 10 year old son who is just starting to discover some of the darker corners of the Internet, I find myself and my children confronted by everything this book discusses, from bullying and self confidence issues to misogyny and the prevalence of porn.

There were so many times, as I was reading, that I found myself saying "Not in our small town...Not the classmates of my daughter...Not my son..." but then I realized that sticking my head in the sand isn't going to help this situation. I have heard my daughter use some of the terms the book introduced ME to - F-boys and savages. I had no idea.

The book left me fearful for our society as well as my individual children. I do not want my daughter to base her self worth on how many likes she receives on a photo on Instagram or for my son to grow up believing pornography is what real sexual relationships are like and that women should be treated purely as sexual objects. In the swirl of "hookup culture," how will today's children grow up, leave our homes, form meaningful bonds with partners and carry on intimate relationships when they no longer trust boys OR girls, let alone go on dates anymore!

If I took anything away from this book is it to be involved with your children. Listen to them. REALLY listen, even when it is uncomfortable to do it, so that they know you care and that you are interested in them as people, that you see their emotions as valuable. So many of the young women in the book were able to overcome issues of bullying and sexism, to rise above the garbage on their phones and online when they had parents who were interested and involved in their lives.

Smart phones and social media are here to stay. We, as parents, need to be aware of all the dangers they can pose and help our children navigate this new pixelated world. Even smart kids may seem mature and independent, but as teens they need us more than they know!

Just the other day in Brooklyn, someone playing Pokémon Go fell unawares into the pond at Prospect Park . Talk about being led by the nose! But this is just one indication of a much larger problem that Nancy Jo Sales puts forth in her excellent and prescient book, American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers.

With the new millennium, soon came social media and smartphones, and the swiping, liking, and sharing that came with. If we were already attached to our phones, now there really was no escape. We were always vulnerable to a new message--advertising at its core. In Sales's new book, she explains how new technology has made American teenage girls most susceptible to advertising.

Sales provide a varied sample of girls around the United States, and what we learn is how much influence smart phones and social media have. The result of which is self-obsession and loss of more real and fulfilling relationships, especially the relationship with oneself.

Sales is a writer for Vanity Fair and broke open the ugly side of Americans' use of technology on her feature on Tinder. In her latest book, one can't help to feel the revulsion and sadness that her story on the dating app conveyed.

The books delivered so many frightening truths about our present culture that I had to go for walks and feel the air against my skin and to see the sun in the sky.

On my walks, I sometimes saw women walking while staring into screens. Some were typing too as traffic rushed along them. I looked up to the sky above while the cyborg zombies looked down. I knew Ms. Sales was right.

Sales takes a brave look at what many suspect but perhaps not have cared to investigate fully. Technology and social media bets on this kind of apathy. As the author suggests in her books, normalization will continue making it possible to rob children of innocence, sexualize younger and younger girls, ruin romantic relationships before they ever have a chance to develop, and indulge our culture in a self-absorption so antithetical to actual life that it is no accident so much hate about on social media, for it is really the hate of the one's self..

And so Sales challenges us to wake up. Just in reading this book, you realize you have a choice. You don't have to live your life tethered to a phone, no matter how normalized it is or becomes. The fact is life is not met to be curated. Our self worth is not determined by a like button.

In the end, It may seem like so much fun to gather Pikachoose as we walk in the park, but if we are not careful, if our head remains down, we will be a bigger and bigger target for advertising. And soon will be soaked to the skin.

This is an exceptional tour-de-force by Sales. As a single father, I struggle to keep a handle on my daughter's use of social media and messaging. The first erect penis she saw was at age 10, as a photo sent via Skype from someone she didn't know while she was chatting with a friend from school. The effects of porn culture on both girls and boys today is outrageous, pushing boys to be incredibly aggressive and demanding towards girls, and exploiting girls at their most emotionally vulnerable -- ages 11-13. It is clear Sales did exhaustive amounts of homework. For parents, this is a true work of horror, peeling back the layers to reveal the marketing by Silicon Valley tech firms that is enticing and manipulating girls into acting in ways not only beyond their years, but in ways that may alter them forever. It's a wake up call to us all. Thanks for this timely work!

This book provides really good insight as to the changes that have occurred to girls I taught during my career and how rather than more liberated they have become more subjected to the hypersexualization of women and it's effect on their psyches.

Ramblings without documentation. Perhaps this is common in her circles, but it sounds like wish fulfillment more than reality. If this is really what is out there for our girls, we should seriously focus on teaching morality again in our schools.

This book is an excellent example of investigative journalism and gives us a glimpse into the minds and hearts of young girls in America today. The author, Nancy Jo Sales, spent 2 1/2 years interviewing more than 200 teenage girls around the country about their social media and Internet usage—among other things. A good portion of the book is a transcriptional-like account of actual conversations that take place amongst the girls and between the author and the girls. She doesn't paint a rosy picture and pretty much tells it like it is (if you don't have a stomach for pornographic content, be forewarned, it gets crude). In her investigations, what she found was, in my opinion, eye-opening, disturbing and heart wrenching. Her research uncovered true stories of what many of our teens are secretly doing without parental oversight in the online age. She also provides insight into how the minimalization of sexual content (e.g., 24/7 availability of online porn) has anesthetized us to its effects and is driving an ever-increasing tolerance for indecent and promiscuous behavior. Without getting into a rant about my personal opinions, I think every parent should read this book and decide for themselves how they want to view the cold-hard-facts that Sales is shinning a light on. And she is shinning a light on a very disturbing reality no matter how we define "feminism" or "sexism," or any other "ism." This book is like a cold gallon of water being splashed in my face. It has taken my head out of the clouds and given me pause to think: why are these children on their own and why aren't we, the parents, guiding them and giving them direction? These children are exploring an uncharted world with no experience or wisdom to navigate it, and Sales' book makes a case for immediate adult intervention. (Would you let your 13-year-old daughter go galavanting around town at night with no adult supervision? That's what we're doing when we let our young children go online. It's a virtual world, but a world nonetheless, with all manner of dangers and creeps preying on them.) My only criticism of the book was her conclusion, which did nothing to inspire hope or offer solutions for the future. It's as though she has uncovered a scandal on par with child sex abuse but with no recourse for bringing the perpetrators to justice. The question is, who are the perps and who do we charge in this crime against our young children? Silicon Valley? Cell phone manufacturers? Online social networking services? Online mobile photo-sharing services? The CEOs of porn websites? Absent parents? While reading this book I was so disturbed that I almost couldn't continue reading, it was jarring to my sense of decency and it has left me with a feeling of anxiety and sadness for our children's future. Our society is being profoundly changed in ways we have no precedent and this book is giving us a first-hand account of the warning signs. We should take heed.

Thank you Nancy Jo Sales for writing this book. Thank you for taking the time, doing the research, and laying out the cold reality for us all to see. You have a teenage daughter? You ignore this book at your own risk. Parents should run, not walk, to the school their daughters are attending armed with "American Girls" and force a conversation so the trend can be analyzed, broken down into its component parts, brought to total awareness, and in this way, hopefully reversed.

This book is freaking me out, but only because it's so accurate in portraying how social media/the internet affects people's lives and its implications. This is a very eye-opening and important book! Not to mention it's super interesting, and is the kind of book you won't want to put down. I'd highly recommend it.

Eye opening on what goes on in social media. Many of the issues affect adults but the book describes far more aggressive behavior among teenagers. The interviews with teenagers provide a much better understanding than just an explanation of the issues.

This is a brave and enlightening book--a must read for everyone who cares about how young people are growing up in today's heavily saturated social media culture. As a member of the typewriter generation and the grandmother of a beautiful 12 year old girl, who is on the edge of the social media whirlwind, I plan to have a heart-to-heart talk with her mom on my upcoming visit to Brooklyn, where she lives. I've been close to my granddaughter since her birth and will chat with her also about how she will want to engage with social media in the years ahead. We need more dialogue among mothers, daughters and granddaughters--not to mention heart--to-heart conversations among moms, dads, grandparents and educators with boys and young men. We need a society that cares about how our sons and daughters develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and mutually satisfying ways to relate to one another.

I highly recommend this book to all parents. I teach technology to elementary students and I want to express the importance of reading this book. If your daughter or son (this book is equally important for boys) is not a teenager yet, read it now. Thank you Nancy Jo Sales for your research that made this book accurate and consistent.

An absolute necessity for all, not just those with daughters. Sales presents her alarming findings with fairness and goes above and beyond to speak with girls of many backgrounds, cultures, and locations. Her ability to converse gently with these girls and ask them to think critically about social media and its impact is just as impressive as her writing, and it shines through. I was unable to put this book down-- even to check my phone!

This thorough and well-researched book ought to be required reading for every parent and professional who works with our youth. In an unflinching examination of the effects of social media on young people today, Sales does a superb job of educating us about the considerable risks of not paying close attention to our children's online lives. This book is sobering and difficult to read at times, but the subject is far too important to ignore.

What might have been an interesting quasi-ethnographic expose about girls and social media is unfortunately a story riddled with Ms. Sales's political and gender baggage. (She seems awfully cross with men and boys.) Between excellent discussions with her interviewees about the influences of social media on their lives, Ms. Sales "leaks" her personal biases continually across the chapters of the book, leaving the reader to determine whose point of view predominates each anecdote. For example, she castigates authors such as Christina Hoff Summers for prejudicing their writings with anti-feminist bias, yet she injects her own uber-feminist viewpoints into her text wherever possible. The book is still worthy of a read, but caveat emptor--Ms. Sales's personal issues distort the book's findings.

This is little more than panic!propaganda and an attempt to sell the author's own bias on the subject. Why she bothered interviewing anyone when she clearly didn't listen to what these girls were saying is beyond me. This is not a book about teenage girls and social media -- this is a book about what Nancy Jo Sales thinks about teenage girls and social media, and any of those poor deluded girls who disagree with her are just too stupid and brainwashed to know any differently. I was so disheartened to see the complete disregard of these young women's experiences in favor of her own agenda, which is to let us all know that the reason for every bad thing ever is...internet pornography. Seriously, if I had taken a shot for every time she told us how online porn was responsible for women's low self-esteem (since all this book is about is appearance and sex, as apparently there is nothing else going on with teenage girls), I'd've been drunk halfway through the Forward. How sad that this author bothered to gather all these interviews just so she could basically tell these girls not to trust themselves and that everything they might think empowers them is wrong. I'd skip this one unless you want your blood pressure to go up a few thousand points. Awful book.

The book came in good shape. I started reading it and found that the information was disturbing for me to read. Although the purpose behind buying it was to gain information, I really felt that as a Christian person the book was too defiling to even keep in my house. I disposed of it. I will be more aware of these types of situations among our country's young people but as far as my personal reaction, it will be to pray earnestly that these children will find the Lord Jesus Christ as their savior and refuge in these disturbing times.

Interesting and does open some insight into the problems of social media and how teenagers (girls) are responding to the pressure it puts upon them. I feel the main problem with the book is it focused only on the girls and the boys become, 'horny little devils' with almost no saving graces except to take advantage of the girls. Little is made of how the girls use and take advantage of the boys and the social media. Ms. Sales' stance that pornography is degrading to women forgets that women allow themselves to appear in pornography. Apparently boys watching it are the degraders, not the girls in the product who get money for their actions. Girls as victims.

Hmm...a soccer mom's worse nightmare. So the question I'd pose to the author is when has sexuality NOT been the primary concern of a teen girl? At what point in our evolution as mammals did prominent display of one's tucus to attract potential mates NOT occur? And no matter your outrage at my review, I'll bet 99% of folks (the other 1% being in denial) reading this review played "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" at some point in his or her life and are probably not permanently emotionally scarred. This is an alarmist book designed to scare the beejeebies out of soccer moms. Perhaps, the solution, rather than writing an alarmist book like this that just further's a girls shame at having dropped her drawers and taken a picture for some dopey Justin Bieber wanna be is to just say...so what? I mean, it's just a body part...who cares? Perhaps if it we educated teens not using the feminist culture of victimization - but also not Roosh-style masculine diatribe -we could start addressing the issue. At what point did a teen not idolize vapid icons such as the Kardashians? Oh, maybe the golden era of Tiger-Beat, when girls read literature? I certainly hope my daughter never posts her butt on instagram, but truth be told, if she does, whatever, it's just a butt. The real dilemma for me is teaching her that it is in fact just a butt and has no bearing on the direction she takes in life. We can't cork the social media bottle. This book is pure sensationalism designed to scare soccer moms. It perplexes me how feminists such as the author focus on the victimization aspect rather than focusing on the "so-what" aspect. "Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint 'I have been harmed.' Take away the complaint, 'I have been harmed,' and the harm is taken away." -Marcus Aurelius