When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change - Women Who Love Too Much

Book arrived quickly and was in condition as promised. In general, the book isn't really helpful to me, as I find it focuses on women who were raised by alcoholic parents and that is not my situation. However, there were points in it that I found insightful and gave me reason to think and consider.

This is a self-help book that delivers what it promises. When I read self-help books, I am often disappointed because there isn't always something useful to take away. This book is both interesting and practical. I enjoyed it and would highly recommend it.

This is book is great for any women who want to understand why they love too much. It may be difficult to read, especially in the beginning, because you face the truth. Keep reading, it will bring awareness.

This book has a way of taking your own situation and allowing you to see it in these case studies. It’s an extremely powerful book and can cut through on the sky need to know. I’m strongly recommended it to many people and will continue to do so

This book has the power to change your life. I HIGHLY recommend it for women, or just people really, that have struggled with romantic obsession and the inability to leave an unhappy relationship. Sometimes we don't always chose the men who are best for us, but rather what is more familiar or "comfortable" based on how we grew up. It is truly a profound book.

This book will help you see what part you have in your relationship(s) and will guide you through the process of healing. Whether you stay, go back, or get out, this book will make you stronger and help you to stop being the victim of "his" behavior. This is another book that I have read over and over and have shared with dozens of women. A must have book.

The book address the issues of both addictive love and co-dependency through the lens of behaviors, without boundaries, that women believe they have to engage in to be loved by men, while compromising their own needs and sense of worth. Many interesting and noteworthy case studies are described in the book.

I'm sure this book is great for some people, not me. I don't care for the over and over stories of patients and their issues. I prefer a plain and simple explanation of things rather than the drama of personal stories. So, if your preference is to read it and move on, this probably isn't for you. If you like the personal stories, this would be suitable.

Even though the title is "Women who love too much" I know a guy or two who was/is coping with the same issues described in a book. It is easy to read and its great for everyone who is ready to "own" their own issues and start dealing with them. I strongly recommend the book.

This is a classic top quality book on women picking men for dating and relationships for the wrong reasons. And how to learn to pick well. There are many of you out there young, middle aged and 60 and beyond. This is the book. I only gave this copy 3 stars as a reading glass aged therapist I could not read the print easily. I ordered another copy for more money in bigger print.

This is the best book out there for women who feel they are trapped in an abusive or substance abuse tainted relationship. It helps you understand how you ended up in the relationship in the first place, and then helps you proceed to put YOUR life back together, and to take care of YOURSELF. Yes! It really is OK to do that. More than OK, it's mandatory. Not only for yourself, which IS your primary concern, but to be honest, your getting your act together again actually helps plant the seed for your dysfunctional drug addicted or abusive mate to maybe start making the changes in his life that must take place for him. This is a MUST READ!!!!!! If you are in one of these types of relationships this is THE BOOK to read! There are some others I recommend as well, Claudia Black's "It Will Never Happen to Me! and the book "Perfect Daughters" by John Ackerman, and also the book "Codependant No More" by Melanie Beatty. These are all MUST READS for any of you out there seeking help and guidance in respect to your various dysfuntional relationships. I just got a call from an old friend who I never expected in a million years would call me and tell me she and her husband were splitting up after years of secretly keeping from us that she was in a drug-infested and emotionally unavailable relationship. I am taking my personal copies of all of these books to her today. That's how strongly I feel. Help YOURSELF, because when you try to help him, you just make it easier for him to stay the way he is. It's the truth. HE is the ONLY person who can help himself, and he has to get to a point where he is ready to do that. It can take a really long time for some men, and some men never get there, not even for the women and children in thier lives. But, YOU CAN have a happy life. Yes....whithout him. You can, you really can, and you will be well on your way if you're willing to do some reading and take the advice of other women who have been through it. Now is the time to invest in yourself. Do it. You wont regret it! Your happiness depends on it, and maybe even your life. Read. You wont be sorry you did.

I bought this book but I do not think it fit my situation. It fits certain cases but certainly not mine. And I am not in denial. I am trying to help myself overcome a painful relationship but this did not help me any. It may help someone else.

All this did was try to convince you that being an honorable, devoted, monogamous woman is bad. The examples were vague and every example was demonizing the woman.

If your man can't stop belittling you and the relationship in any aspect, after you've taken the time and heart to approach them with your issues, be confidant enough with yourself to admit that there's is a value/ethics gap. You're not an enabler or a victim, just subject to circumstance.

More about alcohol addiction than "women who love too much"...I'm not an alcoholic, nor have I ever been, so relating the two isn't helpful. Do not buy if you're expecting a general self-help book about you loving too hard or the wrong man/woman. All the stories seem to be related & told by actual addicts. Not at all what I expected. Sorry.

I had been living in despair after I had broken up with my ex six months ago. Having suffered from serious depression and frustration, i luckily found this book in a local bookshop. I was so shocked as soon as i turned to read the Preface on which the author says "When being in love means being in pain we are loving too much"! Hey! this was exactly what i had been feeling about my love life! Quickly, i spent a week to finish this book and found that WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH is definitely the most powerful and wonderful book (not merely a self-help book!) i have ever read! Surprisingly insightful, powerfully written with style, i suggest every woman in the world, esp those who love too much like myself, should read it at least once in their life time, so that they can build up themselves and enjoy a healthier relationship with their partners and, most importantly, with themselves!

Stories, stories, stories about a multitude of "people/patients"-little applicable advice- SO surprised this book has so many multi-star ratings-yuk- Attached and Halpern's How to Break Your Addiction to a Person books have so much more to offer

I already wrote a review about this book, but apparently the store wants another one. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who can't figure why she gets involved with one substance abuser after another even if she isn't one. Norwood explains that the children of dysfunctional parents in denial grow up to have the same behavior patterns of children of alcoholics. We become addicted to the men who are addicts. The part about sugar allergies and the fact that sugar's molecular biology is the same as ethyl alcohol was stellar. I am 54 and finally unraveled the mystery behind my painful, stressful behavior. I just wish I'd read this book years ago when it was making the talk show circuit. But it only if you want to make some major changes in your life.

This is not the same book pictured. It is a MUCH older addition in bad shape. I purchased this book because the image of the book was the newest print and that is easier for me to read. This font is small and the pages have turned brown/yellow. Disappointed. Will not buy from the seller in the future.

This book has literally changed my life. Reading the various stories of other women (and men), helped me heal deep wounds from a dysfunctional childhood and an abusive marriage. Highly recommend for any woman who finds herself being 'too nice' and 'too giving'...yet ends up feeling alone and empty. There is a way to fix the patterns of relationships you repeat...reading this book is a GREAT start!

Ehhh.waste of time. Better off reading proverbs as this is misleading women and people. The meaning of love is not how it is described in this book...more of what the empty kind of love the world gives...if only i could turn back time, i would rather read something else over again..

This book only focuses on women who had a background of alcoholic parent. The author talks about how us women become too caring when we come from those family so she insists us on going to Al-Anon etc. Problem is, not all women who loves too much come from an alcoholic parent. The author makes US the problem not the men. Of course relationships consists of two people however, she focuses too much on alcoholism and how our parents made these women who they are today. This is the worst book I've ever bought and I felt like I wasted my time reading it. I thought I could learn something from it but I didnt so I definitely do not recommend this book.

Of course, some women can relate to this book but this book was just unhelpful and very useless to me. I might as well burn it because I lent it to my friends and they all agreed with me: it is garbage.

I read this book for the first time when I was 16. Now at 43, I've reread it and I'm happy to realize that I've evolved and my tumultuous and now failed marriage was a terrific teacher. I would like to say I'm in the recovery stage but its a situational things. God is good and I thank Ms Norwood for being courageous enough to create this outlet to explain and validate us love addicts. Be well.

I Thought that from the reviews that this book it would be a good read... Oh was I wrong. It was a slow read which became even slower after the first 20 pages.. Zzzzz. I basically skimmed the book and sent it off to goodwill.

I read this book about 8 months ago... I found it extremely helpful and was able to identify with most of the characteristics of WWLTM. It helped that, as I reading the book, I was focused on ME; Changing MY dsyfunctional behaviors and coping patterns... the "Recovery WORK" in the last chapters helped me to get started on picking up the pieces and going on with my life--- IF you're ready to stop "care taking and start taking care of yourself then this book can help you....

I think its safe to warn you that this book is not about changing others--- JUST YOU & how you relate/respond to others behaviors! You can love someone who misbehaves but you don't have to accept their behaviors! Best Wishes!!!!

This was the book that, when first published, put me off self-help as a genre. First, it's a rickety tower of illogical and unsubstantiated claims. For example, early in the book Norwood asserts that readers will have one of two responses to her paradigm: either they will recognize themselves (confirming her rightness) or they won't recognize themselves because they are in denial (confirming her rightness). In other words, there's no such thing as a Woman Who Loves the Correct Amount or any way to disagree with her. Second, as others have pointed out, she adduces mainly her own experience as evidence. That wouldn't be so bad if she acknowledged it, but her presentation of one memoir as several clinical case studies is, well, lying. And it's lying to bolster a paradigm not based on adequate research or observation. There's more, but I'm going to stop because I'm a Woman Who Loves Good Books Too Much, and I'm getting depressed thinking about this one.

I read the book first in summer 2011. I was in a very difficult situation. At a time I was a stay at home mom to two young children (3 and 4 years old). My family lives overseas and that summer I learnt that the love of my life I married in 2004 became chemically dependent. All the savings were gone, his job was gone, the beautiful house was heading for a foreclosure and my husband kept relapsing. I wanted to find answers. How did I end up in this situation and how to get out of this situation to save myself and my two little ones. I started by reading this book and once I finished and moved on to Robin's next book "Letters from women who love too much." Both of them were painfully eyeopening. Being an adult child of an alcoholic father I did not see a healthy family role model at home and I was subconsciously recreating the life I saw at home as a child. Suffering wife getting abused by the breadwinner. There was one difference between me and my mother though. I was educated, she was not. She felt she was stuck once she had two children. I made a choice to give up my career to raise my children. I followed Robin's advice. I headed for my first Al-Anon meeting and bought Al-Anon books. After 3 years at home I updated my resume and started applying for a job. It was a scary summer. I was trembling inside. The daycare expense was unbelievable. But in the fall I landed a great job working for a wonderful company. The next question was what to do with my husband. Robin does not tell you to stay or leave. Her advice is more like focus on yourself and the right solution will show up. In my case I ended up divorcing my now ex husband 8 months after I discovered what was going on. It was the best decision for my situation. I understand that everyone's situation is unique, and therefore this is not to give any advice when it comes to this decision.

I am a single mom to two young children (5 and 6 now)and no family around. It is not easy, but one thing I know is that by focusing on my own recovery from a woman who loves too much I have much better chances to create a healthy relationship with a loving and caring man in the future. If he comes along my way, it will be wonderful. If not, life will be still wonderful. This would not be possible without Robin's book. Thank you very much Robin.

Marceline

4/2014 Update
The recovery from loving too much is a long journey and a life-time commitment. At the beginning there is the strong desire to be saved by a new mate, which could bring new fears and turmoil in our life if it is done too early. It can be almost unbearable to sit still and just focus on yourself. But slowly we start changing our thoughts and opinions. Next we start changing our actions and choose those that promote our serenity and well-being. We say Good Bye to the relationships that are not healthy for us including those with our family members. The seeds of our self love are germinating and with time we start accepting ourselves. Next, we are moving to the next stage: appreciation of our good qualities. And then one day we realize that we are magnificent human beings that deserve a healthy relationship. It took me almost three years to get to this phase. Certainly I did not think that it would take this time but good things are worthy waiting. (Or "Chi ha pazienza, ha gloria." Patience is bringing roses along." One Italian,one Czech proverb that has the same meaning as Patience is a virtue in English.) It takes time to clear up unhealthy vibrations that we have created so many years ago and that we have been carrying around unknowingly. Three most essential factors for a successful recovery is courage, patience and humility. Make a recovery your number one priority and you will harvest a ripe crop that will make your life blossom with joy.

I tried to give this a shot. But at $15 bucks I’m sorry, the advice...if there was any....didn’t strike a chord here. I’m all about reading examples, but this was redundant. I was like ok, I get the point, these women are addicted
To the wrong men...but how do you change the course? Where are the step by step assignments to retraining the brain and taking a new path. I’m disappointed. 99 cents would have been sufficient. This book was not worth 15 dollars. You should blow my kind for that amount. I didn’t learn much in this book. I did learn that I wasted my precious time to get self help and in the end I was just baffled.

This was the most impactful and important book I read after divorcing my narcissistic ex husband. I have read many many abuse recovery books but nothing showed me the part that I played in the relationship. It was a difficult read because being in an abusive relationship makes it so easy to say "See, it's his fault because he's abusive" and not saying, "I kept saying yes to this and now I have to deal with myself." My ex is a narcissist and not a substance abuser and is generally successful in life. However, he was incredibly abusive and I kept making excuses for his bad behavior.
While I don't perfectly fit the profile of most of the women in the book, this showed me more insights that I could have ever discovered in years of therapy.
I learned that we are attracted to people who compliment our dysfunction. I fear intimacy so I chose a man that was emotionally unavailable. I wanted to be perfect so I picked a man that demanded I be perfect. I feared abandonment so I picked a man who was dependent and obsessed with me, knowing that he would never leave me. It made me feel good to take care of someone who was broken and I felt like I was so much better than him. I didn't realize how dysfunctional I was until i read this book.
I got into a new relationship with a great guy who is healthy and I wondered why I was freaking out on a daily basis. I read this book in a matter of hours and realized that being with a man who is healthy, content, balanced, consistent, emotionally available and asked nothing of me but for me to be myself made me feel so uncomfortable. I had to fight the desire to run away from him and followed the insights of the book. I love him for who he is right now and I have changed into an emotionally available women who is a good partner (not a handler).

I am only up to chapter 6. But I had to write a review and I will update later:

I read the 1st chapter and just started to cry. Try highlighting all the things that apply to you. I almost turned the whole page yellow.

This book has really made me see myself and that is a hard pill to swallow. This book has also made me understand my mother so much. I had so much anger for her, but now I sympathize.

If you wondered why you are not attracted to nice good men . . .read this book! You will find out why. The attraction to the "bad boy" is a reflection of the most unhealthy parts of our psyche.

There are more things to be addicted to than just drugs and alcohol. I used men to cover up all the painful memories and emotional neglect. Now I am facing my pain and taking baby steps to get through it. I am taking responsibility for my life. As long as I continue to dwell on those who caused my pain, they keep the control over me.

Later. . .

Update

So, I finished the book and I am so much better for it. I have so much more insight into my thought process and control over my patterns now. Knowledge truly is power and I have so much more self control because of this book.

Best of all, I started a Meet-Up support group. I have a few other ladies who have decided to take the journey with me. We will be following the guidelines for support groups in Appendix 1.

The best book I ever purchased and finished reading LOL ;0) Really

Often times we women are bewildered by the types of unsatisfying relationships we find ourselves in. We do everything we can to make sure the men we love, love us back, but all too often discover we don't receive that love in return.

Rather than take the cue, and hold onto ourselves, many of us push for love even further, and become door mats for the men in our lives. We rarely stop to think that the men are the ones with the problem for not being able to love us. We usually think its us; we're not trying hard enough, or we're not thin, or pretty enough or whatever. Instead of letting go, we cling, become needy, and are dismayed when the men we 'think' we love abuse us, or walk away.

This book is for any woman out there who is ready to take charge of her life. It isn't easy work. Uncovering the childhood wounds that cause us to fear abandonment, or rejection is many times painful. But unless we figure out what our patterns are, we won't be able to change them.

I also appreciated how this author explained why men sometimes have such issues with intimacy themselves.

In the end, I came away feeling more enlightened not only about myself as a woman, but about men too.

I actually found this book in a thrift store, best 49 cents I have ever spent.
I can't tell you how eye opening this book has been, their are do many stories that I find myself in and my life up to this point has been barely living, abusive relationships, sexual abuse.
This book brought me to the root of the problem it opened my eyes and I can finally look at myself and my life in a different light and feel that I can get well.
I thank God for showing me the way.
If your struggling in a relationship and it just doesn't feel right and you spend most of your time unhappy, read this book.
God Bless

This book was my very first reader in beginning to heal from codependence--way back in 1988. I was in such pain from a broken marriage when I found it. I bought it, took it home, and couldn't put it down--all day and all night. I called in sick the next day, finished it, and caught up on my sleep--feeling like I had been given the magic bullet.

What felt so good back then and started my healing was that Robin showed us all these other women who were just like me! I wasn't the only one! Wow. I went on healing from there, and as a psychotherapist, began to share with others all I was learning and recommending the book. From that beginning came so very much growth--I've even written my own book--and Robin gave birth to all of it.

Reading Women Who Love Too Much again recently, I remembered that one of the most profound parts for me the first time I read it was her saying that typically we come from dysfunctional homes where our emotional needs were not met. That concept was so foreign to me, I had a hard time grasping it. I felt as if she were speaking another language. I had spent my life meeting the emotional needs of others but never realized it. And I had never realized that my own emotional needs were rarely met. I found I could only feel secure when I was doing for others. Now I know that when I was giving, I believed that I was needed; that meant no one would abandon me, and maybe someone would love me for it. How sad--and how wonderful that Robin Norwood wrote this book just for me so I could grow and heal! Robin started an awakening of women across the USA, and we continue to learn more and grow and heal. Thank you, Robin. (Ariel I.)

12 years ago, a "shrink" who knew that as a college student I couldn't afford to visit him every week, recommended this book to me. It opened my eyes to my bad relationship choices and pointed me in the direction of a new way of thinking and living. It has taken a great deal of work to unlearn all those wrong lessons I had been taught, but it has paid off. I'm happy, in a loving, healthy marriage AND I can now trust the decisions I make for myself. Today I'm here purchasing copies to give to women who need Robin's help!

I read this book back in the 1980's when it was first published. It is true our culture has given women the message--you are nobody until somebody loves you! It makes its point. I just wonder sometimes about of overtones of blame your parents. Our parents didn't have the best parents either.

I bought this book because all my life I tried my best in relationships and they never quite seem to work. Was I obsessed with the wrong men? Not really and after reading this book I realised that I am not obsessed with men at all! I may have made the wrong choices driven by what happened in my past but I don’t try to change men to suit me. Even in my teens I proved to myself that rather than change a man I would like to find a man who wants to live his life the same way I do as I didn’t think it possible to change anybody to suit me. Every time a man would start promising me that he could change that would be a clue that I had to get out of that relationship. And I have always listened very well to them and tried to ask the right questions but my conclusion is that too many people lie when they want to convince a person they are interested in that they are the right one for them (even nowadays, the era of Internet dating sites, where you can post a very clear profile). I am very sorry about that as it creates huge misery for all concerned. What I have learnt from this book is that no matter what happened in my past I am a person very much worth loving and that the right person for me is out there! I have also learnt that I do want to be in a relationship where people discuss everything, are very open with each other, without fear that the other one will make bad use of what they are told. I also want a relationship based on mutual encouragement. I don’t think that praising each other is as negative as this book would make you believe. Of course there are women who are absolutely obsessed with relationships, often the wrong ones and I have known a few in my lifetime but loving a man even if he is not the perfect human being is not that wrong because no woman is either! I think that it is exactly the fact that you get to love each other’s less good traits that shows how much you love each other. It is very easy to love when everything is well, less easy if things go wrong! Sometimes maybe your partner needs help and it shouldn’t be wrong to tell him that! What I find wrong is abandoning someone just because that person has hit hard times. Of course, if nothing changes then it is maybe time to go at it alone but I would never abandon someone I love just because things have got tough. Yes, I have been known for staying too long in a hopeless relationship but at least I got out knowing that I did everything I could to save it as I wish someone would do for me! Do I have to learn to be more selfish? No doubt about that and I will surely try! So all in all this book was a useful read, even if a quite scary one! For me it would have been more useful if it wasn’t about such extreme cases and children of alchoolics but rather women who put a lot into a relationship and don’t get enough out of it but then maybe I come across some more suitable titles!

I believe this book points to an important human problem , loving too much. And this when that totally devoted - self- sacrifical love is an effort to change a person who will not be changed, to please someone who will not be pleased. This kind of love as Norwood rightly points out often has its origin in our failure to have the love of a parent.

I would only caution that it seems to me there are situations where no love is too much, when total devotion is called for. This may be because the one who is 'beloved' simply is ill, and unable to properly reciprocate. Perhaps the model for this is more the parent- child relationship, than that between spouses.But of course there are cases in marriage where after some years where the helplessness of one side means a kind of extraordinary devotion by the other.

But for the majority, the kind of situations she is talking about I believe Norwood provides excellent analysis, and perhaps a way of help for those caught in the wrong- kind of love addiction.

I have a recent experience with my first man, he's 6 years younger than me, at the begining we were terrible happy but when we had intimity things turned complicated, he began to desapeared constantly. I must tell he has problems with his father when he was a little boy, he told me some time that he'll do everything to obtain his father's love. I really think he turned in my obssession because he was my first man, now I feel terrible alone, I feel some hate about him. I'd tried every thing to make our relation be fine even though he made me terrible things, like promesed to made something and just do another, leaving me alone or waiting him. Last january we had a discution, where he told me his father ask him to leave me because he felt our relationship was hurting me, as I have all my live planned and he's only a "child" (his father's words) we finished, but it's terrible to me because we work together, recently we talked after 05 months, but his way of thinking is just so easy as "I'm sorry but" nothing had happened to him, all we did didn't exist, he wants to be a friend; how easy for him, but rarely he always says that I'm so important to him. What's happening? I'm trying to forget and he comes every day to talk, asking how I feel and we were together at the end he just avoid me; once again, what's happening? I really need your opinion and help, please.

DO YOU GUESS AT WHAT NORMAL IS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Are you hooked in harmful relationships?
Holding onto some dim hope that your loved one will change if your loyalty/love is there for them UNCONDITIONALLY?
Unable to break a long pattern of choosing women haters,violent batterers, charming seductive MANIPULATORS whose only goal was to drive you crazy?
If you choose those who ignore your self-worth now you can perhaps see why!
The batterer may be physically abusive, or more subtle with emotionally & verbally abusive ways and You want so to believe lies & excuses!

If you've been in a relationship that you knew or suspected was harmful but could NOT leave, you know the pain of addiction to a person.
Heres WHY people became love addicted
HOW to recognize a bad relationship
HOW to deal with the MANIPULATION of your partner

I liked this book and I have to say that I have learned a lot from it. Robin Norwood explains in detail the types of relationships that selfless women tend to fall into over and over. She does a very good job in explaining how our childhood greatly affects the way we relate to men in general. I could never understand how and why I chose the relationship partners I did and why I put up with as much as I did. My relationships continued to get worse over time, instead of improving.

However, the only reason why I did not give it 5 stars is because I found myself feeling depressed and hopeless while reading the book at times. She tells you why you are this way but not that much to fix it. I also do not necessarily agree with her 12-step ideas to go about helping yourself. She almost makes it seem like you are going to be stuck for a long time with your issues until you can fix them, which can ultimately take years.

"Women Who Love Too Much" is a revealing examination of dysfunctional behavior performed in the name of so-called "love."
According to Norwood, "women who love too much" are characterized by low self-esteem, a need to be needed, a strong urge to change and control others, and a willingness to suffer. They respond not to being loved, but to being needed. Such women tend to be the product of emotionally unavailable parents and continue the pattern by forming relationships with emotionally unavailable, distant men. Norwood examines this behavior repeatedly, not only through portraits of women who fit these characteristics, but interestingly, through honest portraits of men who have been partners in such relationships.
Norwood's recommendations for countering this behavior include seeking help, making your own recovery the first priority in your life, finding a support group of peers who understand, developing a spiritual side through daily practice, stopping the practice of managing and controlling others, learning not to get hooked into games, courageously facing your own problems and shortcomings, cultivating whatever needs to be developed in yourself, learning how to become self-honoring, and sharing with others what you have learned. Overall, the focus is on self-development rather than seeking a solution in someone else who will love you as you think you want to be loved.

I liked this book a lot and found it very helpful. I was worried that it would be dated since it was written in 1985, but I rather think it has held up well over the years. I liked it so much that I am going to purchase it from the store for my personal library (after borrowing it from my local library).

I recommend this book to anyone who is trying to recover from codependency. I appreciated that it wasn't overtly Christian; some other popular books on the same subject constantly talk about god, which is a huge turn-off to me as an atheist. Norwood does recommend "developing your spiritual side" as one of the recovery steps, but she explains how that can be interpreted in a variety of ways that are not specific to any religion. Norwood does mostly discuss codependency in terms of relationships with alcoholics and addicts, but I feel that that's probably due to it being written so long ago, before we acknowledged that mental illness can have similar destructive effects on relationships. The concepts Norwood expounds on are easily applied to that environment without having to make any drastic cognitive leaps, but the resources in the back aren't helpful for those instances. However, living in the post-Internet world and all, I don't have issues digging up my own resources from the information gleaned in the text of the book.

I've heard the rumors that Norwood fabricating the case studies, but I never bothered substantiating them because it doesn't even matter. I don't care if she made them up because they describe real behaviors, even if the people are fake. I honestly related to aspects to each and every one, and I am a real person who has really lived this experience. Good enough for me! I recommend borrowing a copy from your library before purchasing, if you have any doubts.

Dear Robin, Thank you for writing your god-sent book! It has made me understand that whatever happened in my life has to do with my background as a child, I was responsible to care for my younger brother and sisters from the age 5 years old . I was sent to reseidential school at the age of 6. I witnessed a lot of physical abuse that my mother received from my stepfather. This book is wonderfull, it makes me realize that I am not alone or weird. I thought I was the only one to have a complex problem like I have.
At this time, my boyfriend is always leaving me home and takes off to the bar. He is very jealous of my grown sons. He thinks that I spoil them. I believe I don't. He alway stays with his mother downtown when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't even speak to me, he just leaves. My sons do not stay with us, they are on their own. It seems that he resents any time I spend with them. K

For the longest time, I've ignored my codependent tendencies and wondered what I'd done wrong to be so unlucky in relationships and always ended up with the wrong men.
This book was my first step in seeking help. It's only been three months but I feel as though I'm putting these steps into practice and have already seen very slow but sure improvement in how I feel. I'm interacting with men better, but even with my friends and family.
Buy this book- it'll be one you re-read and cherish. I hope my review helps urge someone else to start the first step in getting better. Sending all my love out there to you all.

This book is extremely comforting and soothing to the soul. Yes, it makes you face some things perhaps you might not want to but Robin is very gentle in how she explores these themes. I finally understood the patterns going on in my life, from my childhood and through to adulthood and relationships. Almost all my relationships were not emotionally intimate and I could relate to the hilarious examples of throwing myself in a seductive way at men in the past! However, maybe I am on the road to recovery because the same drama, chaos and feelings of exhilaration have somehow lost their appeal as these are also coupled with anxiety which makes me wonder whether he'll stay. I found the whole book relevant to me and I couldn't put it down. It was like therapy reading it and I was almost sad when I finished it! I want to read it again! Robin gives really good ideas on how to break the pattern by concentrating on yourself and being "selfish". This idea seemed to be completely alien to me but she gives great examples and now it makes sense. Everyday I get stronger and focus on myself a little more and take more care of myself, thanks to Robin and of course to God.

My life was a revolving door of relationships---the good, the bad and the ugly. And they only got uglier as I got older. I KNEW I needed to do something to stop the madness, but didn't know what or how. I spent many sleepless nights thinking I was crazy. How could I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over?? A wonderful therapist suggested this little book,and to say it changed my life is the biggest understatement ever. I had hit "bottom" and was desperate for relief. Robin Norwood wrote this book for me and the thousands of women and men out there who think "if I can just love this person good enough, better than anyone before me, things will be ok".
Read this book with paper clips, markers, little flags, whatever---you'll mark this book up. Read it as tho your life depended on what it says. You will find a new way of living. You'll get relief because you'll finally know WHY you did the things you did.

I resisted reading this book for a long time, assuming from the title and (earlier) cover design it would be superficial and forced. When I finally dipped into it, I had to laugh at how true the old advice not to judge a book by its cover was in this case. This is thoughtful and thought-provoking work, which fully stands the test of time since its original publication. Norwood ably supports her controversial contention that certain kinds of love relationships work in a destructive, progressive way parallel to the course of addictions to substances; her mix of brief case histories, longer narratives, and expository material give the subject a rich and nuanced treatment. I recognized some of myself in this book, and I suspect many other women will as well. Even more helpful than the recognition, perhaps, were Norwood's thoughts on how to combat an "addiction" to relationships based on the need to change the partner. She never descends into any kind of trite or shallow "how-to," but she does paint a picture of what recovery is and how it can be achieved. I recommend it highly for any woman wondering why her romantic life feels over-full of crisis, drama, or pain.

When this book first came out I read it and it opened my eyes. I then went into private and group therapy for about 4months and then just group therapy for being an adult child of an alcoholic. It was something I wished I had done earlier. The cost of therapy after my covrage changed and new responsibilites ended my therapy after around 7 months. I had a great therapist. The author really explains the dynamics of how our relationships develop very well. I've read both of her books. In the second one " Letter's from Women Who Love Too Much" ( it also includes letters from men)she points out how peer therapy seems the most effective form of therapy for such issues. She had stopped doing private therapy at that point. A worthwhile book.

I read this book over 22 years ago when I was in a relationship that was destructive and abusive. I was not able to see at the time, how I was recreating my childhood. I read the book and initially thought it was certainly not descriptive of me. But the words from the book stayed with me until a year later, when I finally realized that a person can't possibly love someone and treat them the way I was being treated. I walked away, actually, ran away. It was only a few months later that I met my husband and we have been together for 19 years. I do partially credit being able to find someone and build a relationship with them because I wasn't looking for that "love at first sight". Love at first sight may work for those who can intuitively channel their happy childhoods into good decisions, but for those of us with destructive childhoods, we need to make choices based on rational thinking.

Let me start off by saying this book was difficult to get through. The beginning and end will draw you in, however the middle is very, very repetitive and monotonous. I came into reading this expecting a more how-to, inspirational guide; instead I found Norwood's personal memoir as she recalled many cases of women who love too much. She spends soooo much time (about 240 of the 280 pages of the book) just telling you stories of women she's worked with, and only the last two chapters explaining how to pull yourself out of it!
Overall, it didn't come out to be what I expected it to be. I wouldn't really recommend it to those seeking help; I'd encourage you to look elsewhere as there are much better self help books out there.

I too have given this book to many people, both men and woman. I was dumbfounded. I'd find a wonderful woman, we'd start dating, then she'd end it by saying something like "You treat me better than anyone I've ever met,...but I don't love you." After about three of those relationships, I read, "Woman who love too much." I kept bumping into woman who "feel" the excitement of an emotional roller coaster (the passion derived from both anger and sex) is "true love." Thus, when anger was no longer in the mix, they did not "feel" they loved me.

Wow, what an eye opener this book was. Yes I've now been married for over 13 wonderful years, and NO I was not my wife's "night in shining armor" there to save her from all those "bad guys" she use to hang out with. Thanks to this book I knew what to avoid, and I actually found someone without emotional baggage and we're doing fine.

I read this book in 1986-88 when I was separated and preparing for divorce. When I finally threw it away, it was dirty and twice it's thickness due to my notes in the margin. I was well on the way to being delivered from old patterns. Whether the case scenarios are ficticious or not, it was helpful just reading about the madness that can come from being codependent and hoping "he" will change if I was prettier, smarter, thinner, you name it. I am purchasing this book for a professional friend who is hopelessly in love with a young alcoholic. She wants to be his everything -- to his detriment. She'd rather he depend on her than him going through a detox program. I think she'll benefit from this book, don't you?

I had randomly come across this book in a book shop when I was going through a very tough break up.. I was very confused about myself, about the whole relationship.. I used to give chances after chances and I was always the chaser only to abandon things last minute..
Nothing made sense to me , I was just crying whole day ..I thought there is definitely some problem with me ..

So I started reading this book,everything made perfect sense, my commitment phobia, my lack of follow through, my chase, every little thing made complete sense and I could finally understand whats going on with me.. I read through each line in the book one by one and slowly I came out and became whole once again , with none of my previous issues..

This book came at the right time and saved my life and my future..

I strongly recommend this book to women who are currently undergoing a breakup after a bad relationship where they had given multiple chances after chances only to fall on their face.

This book, if read under normal circumstances , might appear normal , but when you are in that situation its a life saver.

The title is a bit misleading. In a way, it's for women who do not love enough- for women (and men actually) who get their sense of worth from what other people think of them. They need a man or a woman to validate their worth, which, of course, never works. The book presents this issue as a form of disease which must be treated or it will get worse. Another name for this disease is Codependency, or in Christian circles, the fear of man. Robin does an excellent job painting a picture of what this looks like and how it plays out (you might recognize yourself in her descriptions), but then she also lays out a plan for getting help. For anyone who finds themselves being walked all over by their partner, bur for some reason is unable to leave. I also recommend the books Getting Past Your Breakup and When People are Big and God is Small (for a Christian perspective). Best wishes for your (and my own!) recovery!

I read this book, or should I say, a friend read this book to me way back in 1986. I laughed at the title and laughed at the latest self-help book for women. As my friend read I began to see a pattern emerge...my own self-destructive pattern with men. I read it cover to cover. It changed my life. It changed how I thought of myself. It changed how I thought of relationships and most especially ones with MEN. It led me to a much needed emotional makeover that began with a much needed divorce. I am different and happy today because my friend read this book to me. Give yourself a gift today...and share it with a friend.

Ms. Norwood's book does indeed have useful information, exercises and case scenarios for women in relationship crises (readers will probably relate better to the histories, even if they are fabricated) with self-absorbed, distant, emotional vampires and how to find the self-love and healing required to get rid of them: the problem is in getting past the dry, overly-worded, rambling text to glean out the lessons. Although I learned a lot and consider the book valuable, women who don't have a lot of free time or a long attention span will probably get too impatient to benefit from it and quit. For those who don't mind the excessive verbalizing, this is a good tool to re-vamp your life as you relate to your partner(s) and can help future relationships, but for those of us with jobs/kids/lives, please read "Men Who Hate Women" by Dr. Susan Forward, who is more succinct and includes truthful case scenarios with women and men that can lead to insight and ultimately, healing (hint: in future reprintings, could this get EDITED any better to help the next generation? Thanks!!).

I read Robin's Norwood book and highly recommend it to my clients. All these years later, it is still a must read for all women.
You won't be disappointed with the tremendous, important advice.

Laney Zukerman, Author, Lessons for an Urban Goddess
Empowerment Coach

I too have given this book to many people, both men and woman. I was dumbfounded. I'd find a wonderful woman, we'd start dating, then she'd end it by saying something like "You treat me better than anyone I've ever met,...but I don't love you." After about three of those relationships, I read, "Woman who love too much." I kept bumping into woman who "feel" the excitement of an emotional roller coaster (the passion derived from both anger and sex) is "true love." Thus, when anger was no longer in the mix, they did not "feel" they loved me.

Wow, what an eye opener this book was. Yes I've now been married for over 13 wonderful years, and NO I was not my wife's "night in shining armor" there to save her from all those "bad guys" she use to hang out with. Thanks to this book I knew what to avoid, and I actually found someone without emotional baggage and we're doing fine.

I read this book in 1986-88 when I was separated and preparing for divorce. When I finally threw it away, it was dirty and twice it's thickness due to my notes in the margin. I was well on the way to being delivered from old patterns. Whether the case scenarios are ficticious or not, it was helpful just reading about the madness that can come from being codependent and hoping "he" will change if I was prettier, smarter, thinner, you name it. I am purchasing this book for a professional friend who is hopelessly in love with a young alcoholic. She wants to be his everything -- to his detriment. She'd rather he depend on her than him going through a detox program. I think she'll benefit from this book, don't you?

I had randomly come across this book in a book shop when I was going through a very tough break up.. I was very confused about myself, about the whole relationship.. I used to give chances after chances and I was always the chaser only to abandon things last minute..
Nothing made sense to me , I was just crying whole day ..I thought there is definitely some problem with me ..

So I started reading this book,everything made perfect sense, my commitment phobia, my lack of follow through, my chase, every little thing made complete sense and I could finally understand whats going on with me.. I read through each line in the book one by one and slowly I came out and became whole once again , with none of my previous issues..

This book came at the right time and saved my life and my future..

I strongly recommend this book to women who are currently undergoing a breakup after a bad relationship where they had given multiple chances after chances only to fall on their face.

This book, if read under normal circumstances , might appear normal , but when you are in that situation its a life saver.

The title is a bit misleading. In a way, it's for women who do not love enough- for women (and men actually) who get their sense of worth from what other people think of them. They need a man or a woman to validate their worth, which, of course, never works. The book presents this issue as a form of disease which must be treated or it will get worse. Another name for this disease is Codependency, or in Christian circles, the fear of man. Robin does an excellent job painting a picture of what this looks like and how it plays out (you might recognize yourself in her descriptions), but then she also lays out a plan for getting help. For anyone who finds themselves being walked all over by their partner, bur for some reason is unable to leave. I also recommend the books Getting Past Your Breakup and When People are Big and God is Small (for a Christian perspective). Best wishes for your (and my own!) recovery!

I read this book, or should I say, a friend read this book to me way back in 1986. I laughed at the title and laughed at the latest self-help book for women. As my friend read I began to see a pattern emerge...my own self-destructive pattern with men. I read it cover to cover. It changed my life. It changed how I thought of myself. It changed how I thought of relationships and most especially ones with MEN. It led me to a much needed emotional makeover that began with a much needed divorce. I am different and happy today because my friend read this book to me. Give yourself a gift today...and share it with a friend.

Ms. Norwood's book does indeed have useful information, exercises and case scenarios for women in relationship crises (readers will probably relate better to the histories, even if they are fabricated) with self-absorbed, distant, emotional vampires and how to find the self-love and healing required to get rid of them: the problem is in getting past the dry, overly-worded, rambling text to glean out the lessons. Although I learned a lot and consider the book valuable, women who don't have a lot of free time or a long attention span will probably get too impatient to benefit from it and quit. For those who don't mind the excessive verbalizing, this is a good tool to re-vamp your life as you relate to your partner(s) and can help future relationships, but for those of us with jobs/kids/lives, please read "Men Who Hate Women" by Dr. Susan Forward, who is more succinct and includes truthful case scenarios with women and men that can lead to insight and ultimately, healing (hint: in future reprintings, could this get EDITED any better to help the next generation? Thanks!!).

I read Robin's Norwood book and highly recommend it to my clients. All these years later, it is still a must read for all women.
You won't be disappointed with the tremendous, important advice.

Laney Zukerman, Author, Lessons for an Urban Goddess
Empowerment Coach

For any woman, or for that matter man, who has experienced personally or vicariously the agony of being held in thrall to painful relationships, this book is essential. The author presents numerous examples from her clinical practice of women whose lives have spiraled into painful despair, and while our familiarity with what we read can encourage us, the author's unflinching look into every woman's complicity is not for the faint of heart. This is not 'love' but degrading self-torture. I urge you, if you are such a woman, if you know such a woman, get this book and get reading.

I have to honestly say, when it comes to this book, it is like the Bible in my life on relationships. I was sexually abused as a teen and my mother was an alcoholic/drug abuser, and my father was a philanderer, resulting in my parents' divorce when I was 11. I loved my father dearly but it seemed as I got into adulthood I would seek out partners, subconsiously, who were like my father, resulting in immense pain for me. I am the oldest of my parents' 3 children so you can imagine how much responsibility was on me when my mother was absent. I have had this book for 5 years now and it has helped me to gain strength to become emotionally free of my ex, who hurt me repeatedly over the years because without realizing it, I LET him. I have recently let go of a narcissist who deeply wounded me after I found out about his lies, manipulation, and cheating. I have learned, though this book, that I have to love myself more and recognize the self-defeating behaviors I displayed that allowed these men to hurt me. I would rather be alone and wait patiently for the right man to love me in the manner I deserved to be loved, than to put up with unacceptable behavior from emotionally disturbed men. I realized that I needed to change in order to stop the pain, not them. Self absorbed, selfish men are incaple of change because they are incapable of empathy, remorse, or even love. Thank you, thank you Robin for writing such a inspirational, helpful book!

I agree that this is a very good book and it did change some of my thoughts and bring me some new thoughts too. However, I will say I need to wait and see if it will truly change my life.
I found the first half of the book too verbalizing too. I also need to mention that not every person who loves too much is coming from a family with alcoholic parent. Thus, some advices based on that do not seem to be universally valid.

The most helpful part is chapter 10, "the road to recovery". In this chapter, the advices I appreciate the most are:
1. Make your recovery a first priority.

"It requires a total commitment to yourself. This may be the first time in your life that you have regarded yourself as truly important, truly worthy of your own attention and nurturing. Also required is the willingness to continue to spend time and money to get well. If it seems wasteful, consider how much time and money you have spent try to avoid the pain either from being in our relationship or from having it end. Recovery requires that you be willing to invest at least that much in getting well. " This maybe the hardest challenge for me and for many women, we always put our family, job, etc ahead of our own personal need.

2. Stop managing and controlling him.
"It means stepping out of the role of encouraging and praising him, watching him, it means detaching. You may continue to care about him, but you don't take care of him." My understanding is to stop swirling around him as if he is the center of universe, where treat yourself as the center of your own universe. "Say and do nothing. " Stop hating, nagging or supporting or helping him, let him find out if you are the important one for him. This actually works a little for me . I stop to support him , and then he gets really angry, after a big fight, he was actually a little nicer to me.

"One of the implication of letting go of managing and controlling others is that you must relinquish the identity of `being helpful'. The identity of `being helpful ' is an ego trip. If you really want to be helpful, let go of this problem and help yourself." I still do not think being helpful was managing and controlling him, I was trying to help, but from his point of view, he may think that is the case. This book makes me understand that.

3. Learn to not get hooked into the games. .
"You respond in a way that will end the game". Do not get into meaningless fights. Save the energy and take the responsibility for your own personal growth. This is hard, I need to work even harder on this.

There are many other good points, which may be studied in many other self help books. I do think this is a good book and worth five stars even if it is not all perfect.

After 6 years of wanting, wishing and hoping he will change I realized it was me who needed to change and think more of myself. I had no self esteem or sense of self worth. Until I realized my children deserve more than I was giving and I deserved more than what I was getting. I cannot change him, I can only change myself and remember that I am worth more than he said I was. This is just the beginning for me and my children. It has only been two weeks. But I have my steps to recovery thanks to Robin Norwood and her understanding of a womens struggle with herself.

After reading the book I could not believe how much sense my life & struggles made to me. My first impression was "I can't believe that other people have been through the same things and the same feelings of despair." I will always be grateful to my counselor for suggesting that I read it. I have had experiences with mental, & physical abuse, and past & present experiences with voyeurism pertaining to family, and employers. I would hope to seek help and advice in writing a book about my lifes experiences and what I have learned from them, that may help others in the future.

I have no idea what this book is about. I bought it for my step daughter and she read it. She is now incarcerated so I don't think it helped any. It might help you though and if it doesn't at least you will have something to read while in jail...

I read this book when i was heart broken over the man I loved so dearly, this book got me to see things that i never would have never thought could be a problem. all of the stories did not remind me of myself, but they all had a great point. This book gave me a real reason to want to change myself. If anyone asks me I would tell them to read it. It helped me and i think it will help you, that is if you dont want to feel that pain any more, you know that heart ache, that lost feeling, and the feeling of being all alone that you need someone.

I read the 1986 version of this book and I owe Robin my life. It woke me up to the amount of dysfunction I was allowing in my life and readied me for my wonderful husband. If you have the chance to read this book and let it change your life, you are missing a whole different wonderful life where the sun shines! If the sun isn't shining, you now know how to get through it with this book

I first read 'WHLTM' nearly two years ago, prompted by the ending of another in a series of increasingly disastrous relationships. I found the book difficult to finish, but that was only because it brought to light such difficult truths. It is a truly profound, original and insightful book. Advances the cause of human understanding and relationships immeasurably.
I also found the authors' 'Why this, Why me, Why now' excellent, but this is a much broader work and has received a less widespread readership, which is a pity.

I read this book about 8 months ago... I found it extremely helpful and was able to identify with most of the characteristics of WWLTM. It helped that, as I reading the book, I was focused on ME; Changing MY dsyfunctional behaviors and coping patterns... the "Recovery WORK" in the last chapters helped me to get started on picking up the pieces and going on with my life--- IF you're ready to stop "care taking and start taking care of yourself then this book can help you....

I think its safe to warn you that this book is not about changing others--- JUST YOU & how you relate/respond to others behaviors! You can love someone who misbehaves but you don't have to accept their behaviors! Best Wishes!!!!

I looked up the book because I have a friend who "loved too much" - obsessed about her boyfriend, put her life on hold... And found people with similar problems, e.g. obsessive phone-calling, being 'hung up' on people totally wrong for them... totally incomprehensible.

I bought the book because it addressed a pattern that was present in my life too - being attracted to emotionally unavailable men, or men with problems.

I mean, a man I hated when he was flirting with me became instantly attractive when he left! How lame can it get?

The book offers a lot of insight, but apart from suggestions like 'join Al-Anon' and work on your life and your beliefs... it doesn't offer that much help in terms of 'what to do'. But does offer some insight into the recovery process as well.

There are no alcoholics in my immediate family (except from an uncle who is recovering and goes to AA), but my long-dead Grandfather whom I loved dearly was apparently an alcoholic. So I'm not sure whether Al-Anon is still the best choice.

It did remind me to work on my life and not try to 'help' others all the time though, which is good.

I would give the book 5 stars, but I really did expect a bit more in terms of 'what to do'.

This is a book which I believe should be owned by all women who put themselves second place to the men in their lives. This book demonstrates how many women exist in this world who need to feel loved by being with men, but in many cases, with the wrong men. The stories are all familiar to women who have these issues and although it is not a book with a quick fix, it is definitely a book that allows you to explore deeper into who you are and why you behave the way you do. A must read for all ladies finding themselves heartbroken and wondering what they did wrong.

Robin Norwood is truly a gifted writer. In this book she uses her experience as a professional and "A Woman who loves too much" to challenge woman everywhere who are in abusive, unloving and unsucessful relationships to take the focus off of the man we are with and put it where it can do the most good: On ourselves! For all of us who have passed the stage of reclaiming our dignity by placing the blame for the abuse squarely where it belongs, on the shoulder's of the man we are with, but also want to find out how WE find ourselves constantly in bad relationships but are never-the-less unable to leave THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU. It is very difficult readng, and I in fact was unable to read it for a number of years, but it is well worth the pain of self-exploration. Bravo to Ms. Norwood, she has written a wonderfully clear and concise book for women everywhere.

I was given this book to me by my mother who suggested I should read it, knowing myself that I do love men too much, well my soon to be ex anyway... I am not yet finished with this book, but man it's great and so honest.. It's not like it's not real stories or anything, when you read this book I bet you'll relate to one thing or another, cause it talks about all different situations... Trust me even if you don't think you love too much read it and maybe you'll learn something new...

It is a very powerful book published in 1985. (Surprisingly i haven't noticed anything outdated accept that cellphone texting/email/voicemail weren't mentioned in a book). I recommend to read it (its short reading) to each women who is wondering why her personal life doesn't do well.

This was one of the first books that I picked up after my divorce 17 plus years ago. I knew that I was giving these men all my love, but even with all the love I was giving them they were treating me like I did not matter. Knowing there is a problem is the first step and what a huge step that is. After reading this book the light bulb went on with a bang and it has never gone off. I have struggled with relationhsip issues, but at least I know what is going on and with each relationship I got better and better until I got it right. I learned I had to read the signs that I chose to ignore for some many years. I have been in a healthy relationship now for 8 years with a man that shows me his love(along with telling me)and treats me the way I deserve.

Surely the most enlightening book any person can read. Men can benefit as much as women - we all share the same patterns of coping mechanisms, the same poorly learned behaviours we began as kids in a dysfuctional family. If your roles in later relationships have been needy, dependent, compensatory, jealous or just plain painful, read this little book. Recognize where those ways of relating had their roots and change your approach. This awareness will reward you every day you live; the book's insights mean you'll understand your friends better too. You don't have to save the world, your pals or your partners. Finally, you can relate maturely without fear of rejection, without clinging or neediness.

A trusted friend recommended I read this book and I really didn't think it was my issue but boy was I wrong. I saw myself in every page and it was the big turning point of my recovery.
I saw my part in the failure of my marriage where I had been focussed on his behaviour. I couldn't change him but i could heal myself so it took me out of powerlessness and into constructive change. Because of this book I could now recognise and face my addiction to my abusive ex-partner and I went cold turkey. It helped me back to some semblance of sanity and serenity from really painful chaos and dysfunction.
I am very grateful for this book.

This is a wonderful book for all women to read to gain introspect into their behavior. We have all had family issues and this helps you to recognize why you perhaps do what you do. Change is not easy but this will help you start.

I can't stress enough how valuable this book is for any woman who is and/or has been in relationships with unsuitable/unavailable/needy/problematic men. I strongly recomment buying it, it can really change a woman's perspective regarding relationships that don't work, and eventually her life.

Very pleasant to read, the writing flows in a friendly manner. Almost like hearing a good and more wise friend or therapist talking to you. It can be read in one go. It keeps you company and gives you strength in times of need. Plenty of different examples, which might sound over the top to some, but which are not at all. It is easy to feel that this book "was written for me". Probably even more useful to underline passages, and read them again and again in times of crisis. A big support at breaking up.

Another very good book I would like to suggest is "Re-inventing your life" by Jeffrey Young.

After discovering my husband's affair, I started trying to figure out how this could have happened. After reading this book, I know I am a woman who loves too much. I was shocked to find how well I fit the mold. With my self-esteem at an all-time low, this book has helped me see clearly what my role as an enabler is. This book is very practical and gives people who are addicted to their relationships a lifeline to discover their self worth, self esteem, and eventually to develop self love so that they can enter healthy relationships. Highly recommended!

Just don't remember ordering - I probably gave it to someone I know I have not read it before but referrals I have received from professional counselor say it is a very helpful book for women with these issues

I read Women Who love too much & The Letters. I was awestruck at discovering how much my origin family was trapped in loving too much (a generational story of emotional abuse & neglection) and how I was taking all the litter to my marriage. Extremely useful for learning not to damage yourself and those you love. Don't lend it to your friends because they'll never return it to you, it's so good and re-readable!!

I have been getting in and out of depressions since I have been 15. Since that time, my depressions have evolved in a lot of different ways. I went from disturbed teen to Bipolar, S.A.D, and currently I am coping with the affective dependency problem during my therapy sessions.

I believe Robin Norwood is right about a lot of the things she states in her book. However I have to disagree with the fact that the reason why people who are experiencing this dependency problem are their parents. I have had a good childhood, no alcoholism, battery or incest or whatsoever was involved in my family at all. I do NOT blame my parents for how I feel today. I have always had a lot of laughter and love. It is true that me and my dad are not able to tell each other our feelings except for on paper but we still hug and know how we love each other as fathers/daughters do.

My childhood has however been a bit wobbly since we always moved around, but that is not my parents fault, it's the job that they have. And even I love traveling, I have never thought of it troubling me but looking back it hasn't always been easy. Now perhaps what Norwood was saying was that we have sthing in our childhood that somewhat disturbed us.

Other than that the book is indeed an easy read, I have rarely been able to read a psychology book that easily!

So, a good book but some of its contents are only applicable to certain cases.

Well I am a 25 year old woman with a knack of attracting all sorts of losers on this planet.My first crush was at age 11 and since then I am ( WAS ) obsessed with the male species.Drug Addicts,alcoholics,committment phobics,emotionally unavailable men and added to the misery of a painful end of a long term relationship with a man who literally dumped me 2 months before the wedding and a month before christmas!This book was life changing and made me understand the reason why things were going wrong.This book gave me the strength to understand I was loving too much to the point it was hurting me.I got into theraphy and today I am better..much better. Thanks to this book. I would highly recommend it for women coming from broken homes or dysfunctional families.This book is helpful for men as well, although its written in a women`s context.I have also recommended this book to my therapy group and I continue to spread this books awareness & hope it touches lives of all who need guidance.

I read this book in 1987 in the space of 48 hours.

I saw myself in the first page and cried for 2 days while reading it over a July 4th holiday.

Once I knew what my problem was, it was easy to fix. I immediately changed my behavior and have been "well" and happily married for 23 years now.Women Who Love Too Much

Reading this book literally changed my life. Like she says, loving to much is a progressive disease. I was headed down a bad road. But, in my mid twenties I read this book and it helped me to clarify, validate and change! I'm now in a happy, balanced marriage and have a wonderful family. I keep my copy of the book tucked in a dresser drawer. It's too valuable to me to give up. I look at it every couple of years and think of how far I've come. (I had underlined and made notes.)

Just read it. Seriously. It can change your life.

Norwood offers uncommon insight into why people develop unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns within relationships. Equally interesting are the stories of people who may alternately develop intense and unhealthy attachments to food, sex, alcohol, work, shopping, or any other external "thing" as a way to relieve deep emotional pain. If that sounds like you or someone you know, it's likely you will find comfort in this book. Solid guidance and concrete steps for those who are ready to move beyond these behaviors to a more healthy way of life - or support someone else who makes such a choice.

... for women who can't understand how & why they keep getting stuck in relationships where they are taken for granted or abused. I was given a copy of this book in 1993 by the bank officer who helped me open my bank account when my marriage was falling apart and this book changed my life!
It had such an impact on me that ever since, as soon as I realize that any of my female associates & friends are in these types of destructive relationships, this is the book I buy for them. I've probably bought this book 20 times in the last 7 years . . . I gave up on lending it out, and just buy my friends a copy, because I never get mine back!
To Robin Norwood, thank you for putting into words what I needed to hear & opening my eyes 7 years ago. My life has totally changed for the better & I am now in a wonderful relationship. (Ladies, there are good ones out there! Don't settle for less!) There have been bumps along the way, but I will always have my trusty well-worn copy of the book to remind me that *I* can change this pattern forever!

This book has had the MOST impact on my life of any one book I've ever read. Period. A MUST read for ANYONE who is unsatisfied with the relationships in their life.. be it family, lovers, friends. Do you always feel like you get the short end of the stick? Always dissatisfied? Always walked over? This book is a total MUST read. If I had more than two thumbs to put up, or 5 stars, it would get them all.

Basically it's your parents' fault. You came from a dysfunctional family.
That sounds flip, and I hasten to say that this is an excellent book. Many women have found it helpful. I've bought extra copies to give to people, which is the highest compliment an author can hope for.
It's very well written, with vivid case vignettes that read more like the work of an accomplished novelist than medical case histories. (She not merely describes the physical appearance of her clients but the scenery around as she talks to them). It's really a piece of literature rather than of scientific psychology, and perhaps should only fairly be judged on that basis.
Scientifically it falls short. The theoretical basis is psychodynamic, with a bias to transactional analysis. She attempts to show that the tendency of women to become disastrously involved with the wrong type of man is a disease with characteristics similar to alcoholism or drug addiction. It is due to coming from a dysfunctional family, but the definition of a dysfunctional family is so broad that her theories beome untestable. Sometimes she makes specific testable statements (e.g that nearly every woman with an eating disorder is the daughter of an alcoholic) but does not back them up with any statistics or references to published experiments.
Her treatment recommendations sound reasonable and in accordance with common sense but they are not backed up by any objective evidence of their effectivenss.(Zero-tolerance hardline methods for dealing with physical abuse are not mentioned). Perhaps she has published objective evidence elsewhere and of course many would argue that the testimony of the women who have found this book useful is evidence enough.

Ladies Who Love An excessive amount of has absolutely changed our entire lifestyle. I have been in search of your committed relationship for a long time. I have ended up in violent, degrading relationships and acquired no strategy how or maybe why;How to Keep Love So Hot --- Forever!!!
most importantly, how to get rid of the style. This guide literally acquired my label on every single page.

I read this book in the 80's and can't tell you how much it helped me dig out of the hole I was in. I have recommended it to several friends who were in relationship crisis. I read it in conjunction with some therapy because the therapist recommended it. I will always be indebted to her for making me read it.

Women Who Love Too Much has totally changed my entire life. I have been in search of a committed relationship for years. I have ended up in abusive, degrading relationships and had no idea how or why; more importantly, how to get out of the pattern. This book literally had my name on every page. It gives real life examples of people the author has counselled. I was able to identify with every one of them. It was so easy to see what was not working for those women when I read their stories. It is always so hard to see yourself and your own mistakes. While reading the book, I was able to clearly define moments in my life when I made mistakes, and then learned what other options there were to those situations. I was able to dissect my entire life to see when and where I learned certain "ways of being" especially in intimate relationships. Ways that were addictive and I could not stop myself. I read several sections over and over until I got every last word and could apply it to my life. The book has a section at the end that teaches you steps you can take to alter current patterns to make yourself well and strong.
I have always been extremely independent, extremely successful in business, popular, beautiful, smart and I make a lot of money. None of this had anything to do with the patterns imprinted on me from childhood that had me choose men who could not love me if they really tried. It is quite ironic. I always attracted gorgeous, successful, popular men, so you would think everything was great. But they did not love themselves and many of their own issues stemming from childhood disabled them to love someone else and treat them well. These were the only types of men I sought out and did not know it. By practicing what is taught in the book and being extremely determined (it is hard work) to take care of me first and not lose myself in a relationship, I was able to turn the whole thing around. I now have the most wonderful man on the planet. We are getting engaged and plan to be married in March of 2000. I feel as though I was blessed from the heavens. He treats me with respect, always thinks of me, does not make demands and simply is my best friend. It can actually be quite scary at times. I am so used to being the one that has to give everything.
There is another very important point I would like to make. I have a 13 year old son (I am only 32). By reading the book and applying the stories to my life and what I went through as a child and how my parents and others treated me, I was able to see how I was repeating some of those patterns with my son. At first this was beyond disturbing. I could not believe that the things that hurt me so terribly when I was young, I was now repeating. The thought that my son might grow up to be one of those men that I had dated, or worse yet, take on the same behaviors I did in an addictive relationship, was horrifying. When reading the book, I also applied the same life examination to my relationship with my son. I have altered our relationship drastically and am looking forward to raising him to be a happy, healthy man that will treat women with love, affection and support. I am giving this book to all of my friends (some men) and family for Christmas. To me, it is the greatest gift you can give someone.

I stumbled across the book by accident at the library and boy am I glad I did.

This book was written at least 20 years ago and to bad I did not read it then. I literaly saw myself on every page of this book. It was so helpful in helping me see why I chose the men that I do and how to heal myself so I don't make these same mistakes again

Every single woman out there needs to read this book. I can't say enough good things about it.

When I first started reading this book I was embarrassed because of the cover being so out there. I thought people would look at it and just kind of laugh at me. Now that I've read it I am giving it as gifts to a lot of my girl friends. There are so many people out there that can benefit from this book and what it has to offer without even knowing it. This book has given me the strength to realize things that I have needed to realize for years. I would recommend this book to anyone who came from any sort of "dysfunctional" family whether it be emotionally, verbally or physically!!

This is the best book out there for women who feel they are trapped in an abusive or substance abuse tainted relationship. It helps you understand how you ended up in the relationship in the first place, and then helps you proceed to put YOUR life back together, and to take care of YOURSELF. Yes! It really is OK to do that. More than OK, it's mandatory. Not only for yourself, which IS your primary concern, but to be honest, your getting your act together again actually helps plant the seed for your dysfunctional drug addicted or abusive mate to maybe start making the changes in his life that must take place for him. This is a MUST READ!!!!!! If you are in one of these types of relationships this is THE BOOK to read! There are some others I recommend as well, Claudia Black's "It Will Never Happen to Me! and the book "Perfect Daughters" by John Ackerman, and also the book "Codependant No More" by Melanie Beatty. These are all MUST READS for any of you out there seeking help and guidance in respect to your various dysfuntional relationships. I just got a call from an old friend who I never expected in a million years would call me and tell me she and her husband were splitting up after years of secretly keeping from us that she was in a drug-infested and emotionally unavailable relationship. I am taking my personal copies of all of these books to her today. That's how strongly I feel. Help YOURSELF, because when you try to help him, you just make it easier for him to stay the way he is. It's the truth. HE is the ONLY person who can help himself, and he has to get to a point where he is ready to do that. It can take a really long time for some men, and some men never get there, not even for the women and children in thier lives. But, YOU CAN have a happy life. Yes....whithout him. You can, you really can, and you will be well on your way if you're willing to do some reading and take the advice of other women who have been through it. Now is the time to invest in yourself. Do it. You wont regret it! Your happiness depends on it, and maybe even your life. Read. You wont be sorry you did.

Holy moly, this book is incredible! Thank you, Robin, for writing this. The book described me so well it was shocking. By this time in my life, I can see that I am repeating patterns in bad relationships, but this book helped me to understand WHY I have been doing this since I was a teenager and what I can do to stop. Note for LGBT folks: I am a lesbian, but I had no trouble seeing the similarities between the heterosexual relationships portrayed in the book and the long term relationships I've had with women. The dynamics are nearly identical.

It was the most horrible summer in my life. I was 23 and I wanted to die. I couldn't understand and accept what was happening to me, that I was addicted to a man who clearly despised me and cheated on me. I had been obsessed with a few men that I couldn't get before, but this was much worse because I thought I had lost my current boyfriend's love because I didn't deserve it. I was a bad person, an ugly and stupid woman, and on the verge of going insane. I had lost weight, my skin was yellow and my intelligence was paralyzed while my soul was in so much pain... At the worst times, I would tear my hair out or pinch myself to distract myself from the psychological anguish. I would often think: "This can't be love! It's surely a kind of mental illness... How could I love someone who mistreats me, lies to me, cheats on me, laughs at me in my face?" I thought I was crazy.

When I first spotted WHLTM at the drugstore, I thought it was just another stupid self-help book with a ridiculous title. How can anyone ever love too much? But my despair was such that I was ready to try anything...

The book confirmed what I was already suspecting: that what I was going through was a kind of mental disorder rather than actual love. Because I had been rejected by my father (he disappeared from my life when I was 4 after sexually abusing me), I was always attracted to men who didn't love me, who often even barely knew that I was alive. I thought I was a romantic, but I wasn't attracted to Prince Charming. A couple of very nice guys suffered because of me because I couldn't love them back.

One of the real-case stories in WHLTM was like a mirror to me (I was very disappointed when I learned that these stories were mostly fiction). It helped me to face the truth about myself, my life, my boyfriend.

I still think the title is misleading. You can never love too much. But you should always be wary of feelings and mental disorders that often pass for love: obsession, addiction, infatuation, mere sexual desire, etc.

WHLTM made me understand what was wrong with me. Sadly, it didn't cure me. I don't think I will ever be able to love a man who loves me me back, so I stay alone. I love men, I have a lot of male friends... But I could never have a healthy romance with a man. Therapy didn't help.

I still recommend this book. To both men and women who think that they love too much and are often in great anguish. It will help you understand what exactly is making you miserable. Then there's a lot of work to do: soul searching, therapy, spirituality. If "loving too much" is the only thing that currently gives your life any meaning, I recommend as a companion book to WHLTM "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl.

Good luck. If you're not as "damaged" as I am, there is hope for you and you can learn to love truly and in a healthy way... and to accept that someone can actually love you back.

P.S.: I suffered a lot because of an unrequited "love" last year. It was the first time in ten years. Despite my passion, I was able to stay away from the man... because of what Robin Norwood had taught me about myself 14 years before.

I have been struggling with this problem for years, and never knew it. Thank you, Robin Norwood. I have an eating disorder, and am clinically depressed, among other problems. And I have been through counseling for so long, but it never really helped me. I mean, I still had all my problems. But one day, I saw this book on the library shelf and picked it up, and I can honestly say that it has changed my life for the better. I am no longer as unhealthy. I know I will always struggle with my eating disorder, but no longer do I have to chain myself down to other people's needs. I am now free to discover myself and be my own person without feeling obligated to bend to someone else's wishes, consciously or unconsciously. I recommend this book to women, all ages, all races.

I read this book when I was 40 and had never been married. At 41, I started dating a man unlike anyone I had dated previously, and shortly before I turned 44, we were married. Last week we celebrated our 15th anniversary. I have found that a number of my friends who married for the first time after the age of 30 had read this book just before they started dating the men they ultimately married. This book taught us why we were attracted to men who weren't emotionally available, and how to be attracted to men who were.

I received a copy of this book from an ex-boyfriend. He said he's never done much for me before but this will make up for all of it. He told me to read it and I thought I'd glance through it quickly. I sat down and read the first and second chapters and thought that Robin Norwood wrote about me. I was shocked that she knew so much about me! I got out a highlighter and started again. It seemed that almost every other sentence was being highlighted. It was frightening. This was my life and he wasn't an alcoholic! The problem was me. That was 15 years ago. I am still buying copies because I keep having to give mine away to other dear girlfriends (and a couple of guys too). It teaches you a new way of looking at yourself and treating yourself. I thought I didn't have the time to read it, but instead I know now that I cannot afford not to read it and cannot afford not to share it with other women and men. Yes, men also love too much too, in the way that Robin defines. I read the book in two days. I could not put it down. It was so wise. You cannot change your upbringing, but you can change your future. If Robin Norwood reads this, I want to thank her so much for all that she has done for me and for my friends.

When I first started to read this book I could not put it down. I read it from cover to cover the first night. The book identified behaviors and feelings I wasn't even aware of. It was a painful look into my life, and yet it gave me the direction to make my life better. I have given it to countless friends, and I have never had anyone say it didn't help. It is a good book to re-read from time to time, as I did recently and saw that I was slipping into old behaviors with a relative. It put me back on track, and I was back to being happy again. This book is an invaluable tool to anyone who feels that for some reason they are not happy, and yet can't put their finger on it. It helps you see what you are doing wrong, and why you do it. It then guides you through fixing the problem.

This book saved my life. I was finally able to not only identify what my "problem" was, but what I needed to do to make necessary changes in my life. I did also have to seek Codependant group meetings, but this is the book that started it, and propelled me on my way to recovery. Two thumbs up!

I come from a family of many sisters. So many have married men with whom they now struggle. One sister was brave enough to divorce her first and second husbands, then discovered this book. Now, she has an awesome, loving, truly supportive husband! She purchased two copies of this book for each one of her siblings. We are all grateful! We have all read the book at least once and many of us have so dog-eared and marked up our first copy, that we were appreciative of the foresight for the second copy we had been given. I honestly keep this next to my King James Bible and I refer to it as my "Second Bible". I have to read from it daily. I can not describe with words the power I receive from my worn-out copy. I am ready to purchase a third copy because this one is getting quite tattered as well. I pray a prayer of thanks constantly for Ms. Norwood's inspiration which has changed the direction of my life and my family's lives as well.

I had been living in despair after I had broken up with my ex six months ago. Having suffered from serious depression and frustration, i luckily found this book in a local bookshop. I was so shocked as soon as i turned to read the Preface on which the author says "When being in love means being in pain we are loving too much"! Hey! this was exactly what i had been feeling about my love life! Quickly, i spent a week to finish this book and found that WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH is definitely the most powerful and wonderful book (not merely a self-help book!) i have ever read! Surprisingly insightful, powerfully written with style, i suggest every woman in the world, esp those who love too much like myself, should read it at least once in their life time, so that they can build up themselves and enjoy a healthier relationship with their partners and, most importantly, with themselves!

This book was originally written over 20 years ago, but it's just a fantastic read. I read all of it in one day/night and really found that it all applied to me. I recommend it to everyone who is going through a breakup with a man who is less than stellar - especially if the girl is waiting around for him to change.

I also recommend as a companion the brokenheartedgirl forum (Its online) and it supports the BreakUp Workbook. A lot of women go there to work out their issues with men. It's just a bunch of women helping other women and I think its fantastic.

este libro merece un premio, en lenguaje sencillo pero muy serio, logra dar evidencia clara sobre un comportamiento que en muchas sociedades en ves de verse como un problema es una conducta premiada, la mujer que vive por el hombre, su pareja, que deja de vivir su vida por vivir la de él, para algunas sociedades esto esta muy bien visto, el sufrir por amor es algo tan cotidiano que, solo descubrir que no puede, ni debe ser así, tiene un merito muy importante. y cuando lo descubres saber que hacer, despues de haber pasado toda la vida pensando que el que tiene un problema es el otro, que hacer para construir un nuevo paradigma. el libro me ha cambiado la vida, con el y el apoyo de Dios, espero no volver atras.

I am a 29 year old gay male.You may think to yourself "How can this book be of any help and use to him?" "Women Who Love Too Much" has been a life-saver for me,having recently come out of an unhealthy relationship.
I am unashamed to say that i was the more "unhealthy person" in that relationship but at the same time,the book gave me tremendous insight as to how unhealthy my partner was.
My therapist suggested that i read the book,explaining that the dynamics of relationship are much the same,whether they be homosexual or heterosexual.Please don`t ignore what i have said in this review because my lifestyle is alternative.
You who are reading this review,may know somebody close to you who is lesbian or gay.Do they "love too much",are they in an unhealthy relationship,are they in desperate need of help?Whatever their situation may be and most likely it is an unpleasant one,"Women Who Love Too Much" is a definite beginning to heal the pain.
I will forever be grateful for having read this book and with no doubt,will keep on reading it.The knowledge,understanding and insecurities i have gained about myself is the knowledge that will steer me in the direction of a truthful,happy and healthy relationship.
Thank you Robin Norwood,where-ever you may be in this world.

The title says it all. A must read for any woman who keeps finding herself in bad relationships. Warning- be prepared to dig deep if you want this to make a difference in your life. A lot of passages made me feel like I was reading my own biography, which was very painful and not easy. However, it has put a lot of patterns in perspective, shown me the roles I have had in my destiny, and is allowing me to make very healthy changes in my life.

This book helps you learn and understand why we put our selves through the things we do. I found this book in a Domestic Violence Shelter and it really helped me understand a lot and helped me heal a lot of things in my soul.

This is a great book for people who want to understand WHY?

My therapist recommened this book and what a great find. Coming from an abusive alcoholic family, and until I read this book didnt realize I was one of these women. It points stuff out that make you realize your not alone and your actions are for good reason. It did have a lot of Personal Accounts and stories, but all in all, its a great book.

a really good friend gave me this book, and told me that hopefully by reading it, it would help me on my lifesjourney, as much as it helpt her... I starded to read the book - woman who love too much - and I want to 'critisize' robin norwood - just a little... I have been together whit "this kind of a man" and it took me 3 years to leave him, another 2 years of sleepless nights, and 2 years to rebuild myself and my children from all 'deamons'... and it was NOT because "I loved him too much"! it was because I was scared and confused, and I didn't get any help from the guvermant. I have talked to many women, who has been in the same situation as me, and they know for sure-like I do-it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with love. and I don't think it's good, to tell women that they go thrue hell - because they love too much... It aint thrue. (all the other things you've wrote, was good and healthy for the spirit and 'personal' health) thank you

I've never written a review before, but after reading Women Who Love too Much, I was compled to review this amazing book. After many readings on books about relationships, this book takes a different approach to the inner struggles some women face...like myself. The stories are beatifully told and very relatable for women with this issue. It was eye opening and life changing for me, and even though I am in the beginning stages of changing what needs to be changed....within myself, this book was the one crucial tool I needed to start my road to recovery. I can not thank Robin Norwood enough for writing such a beautifully written book for such an underlooked problem.

letting a man in your life treat you like crap and bending over backwards to make him happy? oh boy, do you need this book.. helped me understand why i seek emotionally unavailable men and then suffer for it.. taught me a few lessons on what NOT to do, raising my son.. it was also an important step in the process of selfrealization that helped me get over my ex husband cheating on me. i recommend to every woman.

A counselor at a domestic violence shelter recommended this book to me 2.5 years ago, and it started the process in my brain that needed to happen in order for me to leave my abusive ex-husband. This book saved helped save my life and I now recommend or give a copy to every woman I meet that is trying to escape a domestic violence situation. It caused a huge light bulb to finally go off in my head and helped give me the strength I needed to make a change for myself, and for my daughter.

12 years ago, a "shrink" who knew that as a college student I couldn't afford to visit him every week, recommended this book to me. It opened my eyes to my bad relationship choices and pointed me in the direction of a new way of thinking and living. It has taken a great deal of work to unlearn all those wrong lessons I had been taught, but it has paid off. I'm happy, in a loving, healthy marriage AND I can now trust the decisions I make for myself. Today I'm here purchasing copies to give to women who need Robin's help!

I've read this book several times over the years and I think it is a great book to help the women it is intended for get through tough spots.

A lie? So what the scenarios are fictional. Did she mention anywhere that the scenarios in her book are real. It never even cross my mind to beleive that the scenarios in the book was real.

How many books (self help or not) is based on real life? The fact that she was able to create those scenarios that so closely chronicled what most women go through is outstanding in itself. She did what she did to get through to us and it worked for many women.

I like the book a lot. I found it helps looking at things in a more critical perspective. It gives lots and lots of examples of real cases which are always interesting. However, it keeps on repeating the same ideas over and over again. Sometimes I feel that a whole paragraph was unnecessary to explain the same concept that was thoroughly covered in the past three chapters already.

Being a 20 y/o child of a heroin addict and the eldest of 7, I experianced so much in my short time on this earth. I had a nervous breakdown and its only my second year of college... I am just getting over my first real relationship which was only 5 months but it drained me emotionally..and I was so happy to have found this book.. it has helped me so much... in my road to recovery...and I truly don't know what I would have done if I didn't find it.

Robin Norwood did an outstanding job here with here and I recommend it be readed by anyone dealing with relational addiction. As an author, I found her work to be most impressive.
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John D. Moore
Author of Confusing Love with Obsession