How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

Henry Cloud writes the definitive works on setting boundaries and finding safe people in your life. Very helpful book if you have issues with relationships, friends, family, romantic, he covers them all.

I selected this book because I just lost a supposed friend. In reading this book, alarms should go off when you meet people who do not have life long friends, who have left behind a string of friends or lovers, and are at odds with their family. More than likely everything was wrong with the people in their past, while they were close to perfect. A person's history of successful/failed relationships with friends, lovers, mother, father, etc. should reveal most of what you need to know. Even the abuser who hides his abusive personality cannot hide these facts. Most people have some failed relationships, but the person that has many failed relationships... run away! The person that criticizes everybody else... run away!

There is enough information in this book to learn how to make more healthy choices in friends. I would recommend it.

Cloud & Townsend have given us a great guide book for evaluating relationships. I would love to see this as required reading for all 16 year olds. This kind of easy, straight forward format makes this a valuable tool for people of any age but the sooner one acquires the tools the better.

I am currently reading this. Like several of the points the author has addressed about knowing who the safe people in your life are. It is also helping me learn how to be a safe person to someone else.

Decent book. Finding safe relationships is exhausting but this book does explain why many relationships are empty in a way that makes sense. I know lots of sweet nice people but after spending time with them I have often walked away scratching my head.....now I at least know why!

Growing up with parents who took kindness / trust to extremes is unhealthy, simply because they did not know how to exercise boundaries. Being a "pushover" is a wrong way to live. Consequently I was not taught about safe and unsafe people, my parents didn't model discernment for me. That left me vulnerable as an adult in so many ways, and I unwittingly passed on the same to my children. Fortunately they became much more aware in today's world that that won't work. As a mature person, I'm still learning that not everyone who says "Lord, Lord....." is truly a Bible believing Christian........ so sad. It's been painful but worth the learning and practicing. I am now reading "Boundaries"......... my eyes are popping with the revelations that sooo very highlight my ignorance. These principles of life and living should be taught in middle and high schools years so that they to a greater degree can make much much better choices in every area of life. "Boundaries" (by the same authors) is a MUST read! Everyone can benefit from that book.

I found this book written excellently. It has great advice on relationships. Personally, I still think the best way to attract a great relationship is to first change myself, before looking to find perfection in another.
I do find everything in this book true, however, and it would be hard to look for these qualities in another without having them in ones self.

I recommend this book for anyone who has like myself had problems setting and enforcing boundaries with unsafe people, places and situations. While it is heavy in Christian religious background none the less it provides solid information for non-Christians and non-religious people.

Wish I read this twenty years ago.

I found this book written excellently. It has great advice on relationships. Personally, I still think the best way to attract a great relationship is to first change myself, before looking to find perfection in another.
I do find everything in this book true, however, and it would be hard to look for these qualities in another without having them in ones self.

I recommend this book for anyone who has like myself had problems setting and enforcing boundaries with unsafe people, places and situations. While it is heavy in Christian religious background none the less it provides solid information for non-Christians and non-religious people.

Wish I read this twenty years ago.

What a great book! It not only instructs but confirms many thoughts and patterns of behavior I have questioned. This book also instructs me how to handle me...by the Bible. Thank you Cloud and Townsend...another gem! :-)

Having a lot of experience in ministry as well as a master's degree in counseling, I found this book amazingly helpful in evaluating both myself and others. Safe People would be helpful for anyone in ministry, participating in a small group or for anyone who is finding themselves feeling wounded or frustrated by the relationships in their lives, particularly church relationships. There were a few surprises in this book which were great jewels of practical wisdom for me.

Excellent book and very helpful in making one more aware of those we find ourselves in relationships with and on improving ourselves. I found it very beneficial and highly recommend it to those who are confused and struggling in their relationships.

Not bad...it read it pretty quickly and it focuses on people in your life that you should have on an everyday basis that are safe...won't take advantage of you or use you. Brings in Christianity and how the family of Christ should treat each other. All in all, a pretty good book!

The information is sound and balanced. It is a good insight into one's own behaviour and also the behaviour of others. I enjoyed the book, it was a quick read because I am familiar with the subject matter.

This is my second favorite book to read and reread.. My first being The Bible... The Word of God.
It is a easy and thorough look at individuals, including a look at oneself... This is a wealth of wisdom for anyone... I am in my fifth reading and still am getting more and more "mindful" of my traits and the traits of others... I highly recommend this book to anyone. You do not have to be having any kind of difficulties to read this book... It is just that good at explaining "Safe People" and not "Safe People" which may include yourself... It is not condemning in anyway. It is pure easy to follow and comprehend "enlightenment" Thank you Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend...

I appreciated that the authors repeatedly stated that hard work on your own character is required to see any positive change in your relationships. We must take serious the command to "take the log out of our eye before taking the speck out of our brother's eye".

Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank God for this book!!!! It literally has changed my life. I was surrounding myself with unsafe people since childhood, leaving not much time for the safe ones. The understanding provided by this book lifted the heavy load I was carrying. Now, I am polite to unsafe people and pray for them, but I don't hang out with them any more. Dr. Cloud gives guidelines to be able to decide if a person is safe or not. What a blessing.

While reading this book, I had to wonder whether the author had met me! It was very easy to read and interesting. I learned a lot about myself and why i have been choosing to have relationships with people that hurt me. Highly recommended.

Excellent! I read this straight through, and I find myself going back to it often for reference. I started noticing right after reading it how my "gut" feelings were sharper and how I could start to recognize unsafe and safe people right away. I have been burned before so I realized I needed help with discerning good and bad people in my life. This book spells it out very, very clearly ... no long-winded psycho-babble or new age stuff.

For anyone who is perfectly self-sufficient alone and thinks they are "just fine" this book looks more closely at that state of being, the places you have been that have gotten you where you are and the places you can go if you are open. The best part of the book starts on pg 122 and continues through the chapters that offer real solutions (ZOndervan edition). I am not particularly religious but the biblical references did not keep me from the powerful insights the authors put forth. Highly recommend. (Though not religious, am deeply spiritual)

What a wealth of information!!! I could not put this down, and would often review and re-read the paragraphs to make sure I did not forget the information. This book has been on my night stand for months. I have read through it several times and oftern pick it up to re-read sections as they become relevant to my daily situation. I am not a religious person, so there were a few sections that I did not feel pertained to me, but the wealth of applicable information is priceless.

An excellent source of guidance in assessing the likelihood of a good relationship (or an unhealthy relationship). Have used as a reference in divorce recovery classes to understand what may have contributed to the broken relationship (e.g. was my spouse "safe" and/or am I "safe"?).Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't