Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back - How To Get A Date Worth Keeping

A largely-good read from Dr. Cloud, there are enough problematic issues that keep it from really taking wings and flying.

The good:
1. Finally, some good, realistic advice from a Christian about dating.
2. Lots of angles are covered, rebuking a lot of the casually offered advice of the Church.
3. Written in an easy-to-understand way that sheds light on the complex inner web that can prevent a person from successfully dating.
4. While the advice is based in a Christian belief, a lot of the psychological analysis doesn't require a Christian worldview, allowing a lot of the advice within to help guide a non-believer as well.

The bad:
1. While the books is for both genders, Cloud's advice largely tilts towards the ladies. Which is probably a smart move consider the main demographic for this type of book. But for us guys the book isn't quite as meaty as it will be for the ladies.
2. It didn't seem like he went as deep into some of the issues as to be entirely helpful. For example, the chapter on men needing to be more assertive is fine in terms of pointing out an issue. But I already know I am not assertive enough--what I need is illuminating advice on HOW to be more assertive. Cloud basically just tells guys to "man up". If a bird doesn't know how to fly, you don't just tell it to fly...
3. There were multiple cases where rather than explaining an issue further Cloud simply referred readers to one of his other books. Sorry, but that just makes this book feel incomplete.
4. The book doesn't clear up that mysterious line between "hanging out" and "a date". It seems to me that a lot of what he describes as the early dating process is hanging out. Considering that a lot of us who read this book are dating dunces, it would have been nice to give bit of clarification either on how he differentiates between hanging out and dating around, or how to move from hanging out to dating.

I know had many more reactions, but my memory sucks so I'll leave it at that.
Basically, Cloud's book is worth reading, and there is definitely some good advice that I shall follow.

This book is absolutely brilliant! I had not been on a date in six YEARS because I was so closed off, busy, unavailable, and "dating only to marry." Therefore, I had no dates. This book is perfect for someone who is tired of the same old same old. It provided me the kick in the butt I needed to awaken my social life. Rather than lament over the fact that I am not married, I am choosing now to get out, try new things, meet people, and enjoy my life! This book has changed me for the better.

I met my husband 5 years after reading this book, and before that I met some good people who weren't right but weren't ridiculously wrong either. I think that the book is partially responsible for my success in dating. The book's emphasis on getting to know people rather than springing to judgement was incredibly important. As other reviewers have said, it's refreshing to just get to know people rather than constantly asking "Is this the ONE?" In keeping with the book's theme, my husband and I might have met a couple of years earlier if we had been less selective in our dating website search criteria. By the way, I'm not Christian or evangelical. I found this book in the public library and checked it out because I liked the title.

Earlier review written a few years ago: It's been a year since I've read this book, and my dating life is going swimmingly. I'm meeting some really great men, and I feel really level-headed about them. Definitely there are lots of reasons for the changes, but I think this book is partially responsible.

I find the idea of multi-dating very helpful for the first several dates when there's definitely nothing there and there's no reason to think too much. Obviously it doesn't solve all dating dilemmas. There are always questions about borderline situations, and ultimately dating still comes down to the tautology that it works when it works. On this question of whether to date non-religious people: it's hard to know what someone's religiosity is without talking with them about it. People are different one-on-one than in a group or on a dating site.

My daughter wanted to be dating, but was never asked out even though she is a physically beautiful girl, and is a strong Christian. I bought this book and read it before I gave it to her. After she read it, she said, "Mom, this book has changed my life!" She has recommended it to many of her friends and it has also helped them. It makes a single person look at some personal characteristics about him/herself that may keep him/her from getting dates. This may be a bit painful, but if you are open to being honest with yourself, it will help you become a 'datable' person. Many books about dating are cheezy and really not helpful, but this one is straight forward, well written, and has Christian morals incorporated in a way that is very appealing and helpful to a single person. My daughter said that even her non-Christian friends have enjoyed this book.

Okay, so I never really felt "forgotten" by God, but what single Christian out there hasn't asked God "Why haven't you provided for me with a spouse?!?"

At the umpteenth friend's engagement, I put on a "yay!" face to congratulate her, but inside I would say, "Another one bites the dust..." and know that inevitably our relationship would change as she would (and ought) to rearrage priorities to make her new marriage first. It's easy to become bitter, but I always managed to keep the humor in the situation.

Enter my other single friend's suggestion to read this book. At first, I rolled my eyes and undoubtedly said something sarcastic. But I read the back of the book that said, "Are you spending another Friday night alone?" and, the dread started to set in. Uh, yes, I sheepishly confessed outloud.

So, I was hooked. I read the book. I couldn't put it down. Cloud does not "talk down" to you and he also doesn't see singleness as something to be cured, both of which I really appreciated. He taught me to find joy in the process.... the thrill of the hunt, per se. Oh, okay, it wasn't that easy. The biggest thing that stuck out to me, though, was that I was partly responsible for me being single. As Cloud asked, unless I was going to marry the FEDex man, God probably wasn't just going to send someone to my door. His rule that changed my life was "Go out with anyone once" (unless you feel physically in danger...) There was a guy who had shown some interest in me and I just wasn't sure so I kept putting him off and coming up with excuses, but after I read the book I decided I should quit that. So, I finally said yes to him.

Boy, am I glad I did. I had misjudged him. At first glance, he wasn't my "type" but part of the book talks about getting rid of your lists and preconceived ideas. We had so much fun going out together! I mean, so much fun! We have been dating for a few months now and he has become my best friend and confidant and we are very excited about our future together.

Does that mean if you read this book, you will magically be dating someone? Well, yes, if you redefine dating to be going out with people and having fun, YES! If you work the steps like Cloud suggests, you do. No expectations, just fun. Does it mean you will find the love of your life within a few months? Well, no... But, it does mean you are on the right path. Can't fall in love until you're not scared to get off the couch, flirt a little bit and say yes to a date.

This is EXACTLY the book that the Christian community who was raised on "I kissed dating goodbye" mentality needs. I think that mentality has led to many single, frustrated 20 somethings. So, do yourself a favor, buy this book and redefine what it means to "date." Dr. Cloud, if you read this, thank you sooooo very much for changing my life!

This book is great for any human who has relationships of any kind. Loved it. "Dating isn't for lonely people" How to address you own prominent baggage before wrapping someone else up in it.Addresses what is healthy and what is not, so you can get a great veiw of yourself from REALITY.

Reading this book may save you from wrecking your dating life, loneliness, and lack of growth.

Henry Cloud approaches dating with sound, practical, Biblical wisdom:

(1.) Don't go it alone. (Instead, find a community of healthy Christians that can give you feedback, advice, encouragement, and provide some accountability in your dating life. The bottom line: We all have emotional, spiritual, psychological brokenness, and it frequently comes out in our relationships. Get some support!)

(2.) Revise your expectations. (Dating is not just about finding a mate. It's about growing in your understanding of your self, others, relationships, preferences, etc.)

(3.) Be systematic, but avoid artificial dating games. (Rather, be as healthy as you can be, and _be yourself_. Continue in the process of healing through dating by paying attention to your self (your feelings, your thoughts, your actions and reactions) and take back the results to your community.)

I can't recommend this book enough, especially for those who may have missed out on some of the growth-producing dating experiences people have in high school and college, or for anyone who's ready for a more practical approach to dating and spiritual growth.

This book takes a no-nonsense approach to dating and outlines three strategies:

1. Get a team.
2. Get out there.
3. Get healthy.

I put the suggestions to work in and within eight months, I met the woman who became my wife.

Cloud has you doing all sorts of things that force you to deal with the stuff in your internal world that is robbing you of a good relationship and potential marriage partner. I can't recommend it enough.

This book is great for any human who has relationships of any kind. Loved it. "Dating isn't for lonely people" How to address you own prominent baggage before wrapping someone else up in it.Addresses what is healthy and what is not, so you can get a great veiw of yourself from REALITY.

Reading this book may save you from wrecking your dating life, loneliness, and lack of growth.

Henry Cloud approaches dating with sound, practical, Biblical wisdom:

(1.) Don't go it alone. (Instead, find a community of healthy Christians that can give you feedback, advice, encouragement, and provide some accountability in your dating life. The bottom line: We all have emotional, spiritual, psychological brokenness, and it frequently comes out in our relationships. Get some support!)

(2.) Revise your expectations. (Dating is not just about finding a mate. It's about growing in your understanding of your self, others, relationships, preferences, etc.)

(3.) Be systematic, but avoid artificial dating games. (Rather, be as healthy as you can be, and _be yourself_. Continue in the process of healing through dating by paying attention to your self (your feelings, your thoughts, your actions and reactions) and take back the results to your community.)

I can't recommend this book enough, especially for those who may have missed out on some of the growth-producing dating experiences people have in high school and college, or for anyone who's ready for a more practical approach to dating and spiritual growth.

This book takes a no-nonsense approach to dating and outlines three strategies:

1. Get a team.
2. Get out there.
3. Get healthy.

I put the suggestions to work in and within eight months, I met the woman who became my wife.

Cloud has you doing all sorts of things that force you to deal with the stuff in your internal world that is robbing you of a good relationship and potential marriage partner. I can't recommend it enough.

I must honestly say that this book revolutionized my outlook on dating. Unlike other books written about dating by Christian authors, Cloud acknowledges the workings of the human mind throughout the book, a true benefit of his psychological knowledge. He raises all completely valid points, the most eye-opening of which for me was, an analogy of Tiger Woods. It read something to the effect of, "Tiger Woods had the goal of winning more major tournaments than any golfer in history. What if he would have said, 'The only tournaments I will play in will be major tournaments'? That's absurd. So why do people insist on dating only people they see themselves marrying?" That really hit home for me, because for so long I fell into the trap of thinking that dating is about marriage, when Cloud points out that it is about meeting new and interesting people, having fun, and learning much more about yourself in the unique environment which dating alone can provide. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for any single person, Christian or not.

Unlike a lot of other dating books I've read, Cloud's philosophies actually make logical and practical sense versus those of other authors (ie: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"). I really cannot say enough good about this book, nor adequately summarize the profound truths therein. It is an easy read, entertaining, and eye-opening. You will not regret taking the time to read this book.

I loved this book. While its difficult to follow everything that the book says, I was still inspired by the principles behind it and abided by most of them. I found out so much about myself in the process, especially some weaknesses I've mine that I needed to work through. After working through those issues and then getting back on my own two feet to date again, I followed one of Dr Cloud's advice: Go to other churches to meet other people. Dr Cloud didn't mean for me to stop going to my church, but encouraged also going to other churches to meet people. It sure worked for me! I was reconnected with an old college acquaintance and now we're engaged! If it weren't for God bringing this book into my life, I wouldn't have ventured out to meet the man I have been praying for.

Such clear, direct and practical advice that significantly takes the pressure off dating. What a relief and pleasure it was to read and to lighten my attitude about dating, I so appreciate this book and imagine anyone who goes on a date with me now will be meeting a better person for it.

Finally.... a Christian dating book worth reading!!!! This book was a relief after being inundated with the perspective that "casual dating is bad" expressed in so many other Christian dating books and Christian social circles. In fact, Cloud goes so far as to say that if you're not casually dating several people at the same time (and instead dating only one person because you know you could marry him/her) then you are setting yourself up for disaster.

What also makes this book so great is that it's practical- it's not just all theory. Cloud offers a step-by-step plan on how to get your dating life into full gear in at least 6 months, and he advises that this plan can be best implemented when done within the context of an accountibility/support group.

Additionally, Cloud touches upon the delicate subject of Christians dating non-Christians and offers a surprising, yet healthy approach to such circumstances.

Even if your goal isn't to have an active dating life, this book is beneficial because it challenges you to grow and stretch as a relational individual.

This book is a definite good read!!!

Wow, based on the many long winded reviews, Henry Cloud is not the only author or relationship expert! Here is the long and short my friends: Single and don't want to be? READ THE BOOK. Take what you like and discard what you don't. You will get something out of it. Later gator...

So many books claim to have some revolutionary new idea to help you with your problems... This one actually provided a couple of significant A-ha! moments regarding what we can do about a stale dating life. I was encouraged by the possibility that I could actually DO something about it! Thank you, Dr. Cloud, for what you share in this book.

this book kicks your butt. My young adult pastor bought it because several of us in the group were complaining about the lack good Christian guys out there, and he wanted to help. So, I read "the book" and I just had to stop complaining. I think it's been really easy to say we're "waiting for God to bring the right person" when really there are areas of fear in our hearts that are holding us back. It's hard to read, but it brings freedom!