Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents

For every parent who feels the strain of relating to your children who are now fully grown. This book took away the anxiety I was feeling and the anger it was creating with feelings of an abandonment of sorts. I was not prepared for how I would feel once my son was truly independent. Instead of appreciating the quality of our visits I was counting numbers of visits as my marker for 'my time'. This book has given me the perspective and the truth I needed to move forward with my son in my life.

I am enjoying Walking on Eggshells as I build evolving relationships with my twenty-something children. I found some of the lower-rated reviews interesting, as these reviewers hoped for more psychology-applications for dealing with the rough edges of parent/adult child relationships. I had no such expectations, and would probably have found HOW TO tips to be distracting. What I enjoy about this book are the composite stories (or so I assumed them to be) that allow me to relate or discard situations that are (or are not) applicable to my own life stories with my mother and my children. Ms. Isay is a terrific writer who introduces a topic, describes the family scenario, then summarizes each story in such a way that makes you want to read on and on. I plan to buy enough copies of this little gem to share with close friends so that they can pick and choose what they see in themselves among the many enlightening stories.

I found this book helpful in relating to my adult daughters. The primary message of it, is that adults do not need or want advice from their parents. They do appreciate a neutral loving listening ear, and the encouragement which evolves from a lifetime of knowing and loving them.

The case histories mentioned are common family situations, and made me think about family influences I hadn't before considered. I'm glad I read this book, and would recommend it to other parents interesting in forming a new, more complex, adult relationship with their children.

This book is reassuring of how common are the conflicts between parents and their adult children, and provides sensible explanations of the feelings of adult children. Ms. Isay also empathizes with the parents' legitimate feelings of hurt. But the solution suggested by this author is basically for a parent to bite their tongue, control their facial and body language, and pretend, lest their adult child be offended. This advice does not consider the tension and underlying rage that can build up in a parent that is also contending with all the issues of advancing age, to say nothing of the phoniness of the resulting "relationship". The subtitle of this book should be "Stepford Parents". I found it depressing and disappointing.

I have insisted to several friends that as parents of adult children, they too, MUST buy the book. I even bought extra copies myself and gave to relatives. It's a "keeper" in my library.
Thank you, Jane Isay for the shared revelations.

I really enjoyed reading this. Not only did I find reassuring stories which reminded me that my problems are shared by many, I feel as though I got a glimspe into other people's families. It was so interesting to see how other people deal with issues and there is truly sound advice about maintaining family bonds, even through difficulty. Most important, the voice is warm and accessible,and gently brought me back to what's really important, even if it is work. I bought an extra copy for my mom with a note that said "This is not a hint."

There were some interesting examples which I believe many people could relate to in some way. Overall I was disappointed and my expectations were higher, as I was looking for more psychology and alternate solutions to deal with these and other issues.

This book has multiple variations on a one-note theme that's summed up in the flap copy: Don't try to give advice to your adult children. Instead, the author advises, if you're endlessly accepting and generous, those children might (or might not) give you the time of day. As one of the earth mothers she interviews puts it, "Keep your door open and your mouth shut."

Good advice? Maybe. But the evidence is all anecdotal, based on a pretty thin sampling of mothers and kids; and Isay never digs deep enough to explore what the resulting relationships are really like. In the final chapter, she reveals her own guilt about certain aspects of her relationship with her sons, and I couldn't help wondering whether that guilt was predisposing her to side with the kids in every conflict. Yes, parents need to recognize the autonomy of their grown children, but is the ultimate goal only to keep the peace at all costs? It seems shallow and empty and sad to me.

The book is very helpful to parents who are having a hard time with their relationships with their adult children. They give many different examples of diverse types of relationships and how to heal them.

What a wonderful and useful book! Jane Isay has done a brilliant (and highly readable)) job of examining the nature of our relationships with our adult children and gives truly invaluable advice about how to navigate these treacherous waters. I recommend it to all parents and their adult children alike!

This is a fascinating book that will be useful and compelling for almost any adult from their 20s on up, in dealing with their parents and/or their own kids. It shows how these relationships change over time, and how to adjust them once the kids reach adulthood. There is a lot to think about here, and the examples of how families have handled the changes in their lives are very helpful.