Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

I had not heard of this disorder. After wading through books on passive aggressive, narcissism, addiction, etc., I think I hit the jackpot with this book! The book not only has descriptive information about this disorder, its characteristics, and relatable "real life" examples, but more importantly it has real, practical, and successful suggestions that can be easily and instantly be implemented. I did! (Results of my newly learned communication skills with the BPD were astounding!) The book also contains a wealth of information including tons of references for further reading and online resources. I know I will come back to this book again (and again).

If you are around a crazy, yelling person that seems normal until they are set off by nothing, then goes off on you over something so minor or nothing at all, this is the book to explain Borderline Personality Disorder. It answered a lot of questions as to why my son's ex-fiancé was so moody, angry and unpredictable. It isn't you, it is their illness. Prompt delivery by the seller.

I bought this book as a recommendation of to deal with a person who was making my life a living hell. I never heard of BPD until reading this book and then I realized WOW, this answers so many situations I have been in. It provided me with great insights in how to handle people with BPD. It is far more common than most people know.

Everything in this book has helped me tremendously dealing with people in my life with BPD. It does not make them out to be evil, but human beings. I have read almost every book on the disorder, this one helping the most. I took notes and applied it right away, I triggered my BP less and the episodes didn't last as long, as a soft answer turns away wrath. Even when dealing with someone with BPD. Recommend.

O..M..G... years of therapy wondering what was wrong with me, turns out, it's not me!! You have anyone in your life that exhibits these symptoms, you REALLY need this book! They aren't going to change, but this book isn't for them. It's for you!! How to handle yourself, set boundaries, stop blaming yourself, stop taking on the guilt.... you no more cause a person to have BPD as Diabetes or cancer.... read it read it.. then read it again.. order copies for members of your family! it's a game changer!!

Right on. She nailed it.
Thanks Although I was very sorry to see that she devoted some pages to divorce. I'm going through my husband moving out; we are Catholic , plus I'm desperately in love with him and I don't want divorce in the picture. She only devoted about 4 pages to the. subject. I ' to start therapy soon-to-be had to make over 100a must read calls to find a therapist who would take medicare. Very exhausting!

I was in a long term relationship with a Borderline, and this book really helped me out. At some point it's likely that you will think you're the problem, and you can start to chase your own tail. This book is far from perfect, but it gave me a dose of reality, let me know I was not alone, and gave me some tools to cope.

While this book has some really great points for those who love someone with BPD, it does make people with BPD sound like evil soul eaters. It's makes it out like they are all violent, abusive, dangerous people who will beat you to death both physically and emotionally at every turn. It's at a level that is allllmost comical. If you can put that aside its an ok book.

This is a great book! I teach about personality disorders to caregivers and nurses, and am often asked for a good resource to recommend to family members. This book is my number one choice for lay people and for professionals who are expanding their educations into the field of personality disorders. Stop Walking on Eggshells is comprehensive and writen in clear, plain language that most people can understand.

The book was not my favorite. There were so many boring parts that described this disorder over and over and over. My favorite parts in the book were the little snippets of real life stories, but there were not enough of them for me. Also, I expected to see more ideas for a family to cope with this. Somewhere in the book, there was mention of a workbook so that you could begin to formalize a plan on how to deal with this. I should have purchased that in hindsight. Now I am just turned off of this particular title. It was almost to clinical for me as well. It was a fast read though and I did get some valuable websites from it so, overall I still gave it a 3. I think if you truly have someone like this in your family, you may need to look into therapy for them and the family. After studying up on this, I dont think books alone witll cut it.

I ordered about five books on the subject hoping to figure out how best to deal with a narcissistic and/or sociopathic ex with a splash of borderline personalty disorder. Was hoping on insight on how to effectively raise kids with him. I guess there just aren't many great reads on the subject out there. This one was one of the more helpful ones though.

The author explains the problem and then gives both the borderline and their families concrete instructions on how to talk with each other in productive ways that are less likely to trigger unwanted reactions. Concrete advice as to where to draw the line to protect yourself physically and emotionally is suggested. Access to online support websites is also given.

Regretfully, with all the divorces of couples with young children, all the births out of wedlock, and the lack of stable extended families, it is more likely that our babies, age birth to 3, will experience great chaos in their little lives. Because the frontal lobe which regulates self soothing and attachment ability is mostly formed then, I see the treatment of borderline personality disorder as a "growth" industry. More and more of us will be dealing with people with these warped ways of thinking as co-workers, family members, neighbors etc. It really helps to know what you are dealing with the when someone is BPD and once you know the "traits" it is not hard to pick them out. One in ten borderlines now commit suicide. They engage in destructive self soothing like impulsive sex, shopping, drug and alcohol use and addiction. The good thing is that this incorrect way of thinking can be modified with therapies that have been developed in the last 40 years so there is hope. We need to figure out how we can make the therapy affordable. As a society, we also need to emphasize the NEED for children birth to three to have a secure home, a regular routine and consistent affectionate care from the same people as much as possible during those years so as to do all we can to prevent the development of more BPD citizens.

As a non-BPD, this book was like an autobiography. It was so comforting to know my experiences and struggles were not unique and that thousands (probably millions) have gone though the same situation. I thought there was something incredibly wrong with me and this book helped me understand my former partners actions and behavior. I wish I had read this book years ago but I had no idea my partner suffered from this condition until after the relationship had been destroyed.

I was in a long term relationship with a Borderline, and this book really helped me out. At some point it's likely that you will think you're the problem, and you can start to chase your own tail. This book is far from perfect, but it gave me a dose of reality, let me know I was not alone, and gave me some tools to cope.

While this book has some really great points for those who love someone with BPD, it does make people with BPD sound like evil soul eaters. It's makes it out like they are all violent, abusive, dangerous people who will beat you to death both physically and emotionally at every turn. It's at a level that is allllmost comical. If you can put that aside its an ok book.

This is a great book! I teach about personality disorders to caregivers and nurses, and am often asked for a good resource to recommend to family members. This book is my number one choice for lay people and for professionals who are expanding their educations into the field of personality disorders. Stop Walking on Eggshells is comprehensive and writen in clear, plain language that most people can understand.

The book was not my favorite. There were so many boring parts that described this disorder over and over and over. My favorite parts in the book were the little snippets of real life stories, but there were not enough of them for me. Also, I expected to see more ideas for a family to cope with this. Somewhere in the book, there was mention of a workbook so that you could begin to formalize a plan on how to deal with this. I should have purchased that in hindsight. Now I am just turned off of this particular title. It was almost to clinical for me as well. It was a fast read though and I did get some valuable websites from it so, overall I still gave it a 3. I think if you truly have someone like this in your family, you may need to look into therapy for them and the family. After studying up on this, I dont think books alone witll cut it.

I ordered about five books on the subject hoping to figure out how best to deal with a narcissistic and/or sociopathic ex with a splash of borderline personalty disorder. Was hoping on insight on how to effectively raise kids with him. I guess there just aren't many great reads on the subject out there. This one was one of the more helpful ones though.

The author explains the problem and then gives both the borderline and their families concrete instructions on how to talk with each other in productive ways that are less likely to trigger unwanted reactions. Concrete advice as to where to draw the line to protect yourself physically and emotionally is suggested. Access to online support websites is also given.

Regretfully, with all the divorces of couples with young children, all the births out of wedlock, and the lack of stable extended families, it is more likely that our babies, age birth to 3, will experience great chaos in their little lives. Because the frontal lobe which regulates self soothing and attachment ability is mostly formed then, I see the treatment of borderline personality disorder as a "growth" industry. More and more of us will be dealing with people with these warped ways of thinking as co-workers, family members, neighbors etc. It really helps to know what you are dealing with the when someone is BPD and once you know the "traits" it is not hard to pick them out. One in ten borderlines now commit suicide. They engage in destructive self soothing like impulsive sex, shopping, drug and alcohol use and addiction. The good thing is that this incorrect way of thinking can be modified with therapies that have been developed in the last 40 years so there is hope. We need to figure out how we can make the therapy affordable. As a society, we also need to emphasize the NEED for children birth to three to have a secure home, a regular routine and consistent affectionate care from the same people as much as possible during those years so as to do all we can to prevent the development of more BPD citizens.

As a non-BPD, this book was like an autobiography. It was so comforting to know my experiences and struggles were not unique and that thousands (probably millions) have gone though the same situation. I thought there was something incredibly wrong with me and this book helped me understand my former partners actions and behavior. I wish I had read this book years ago but I had no idea my partner suffered from this condition until after the relationship had been destroyed.

Excellent resource
This book has helped me better understand BPD  I found the book insightful, easy to read and  understandable. The book has helped me understand a person I love dearly who has been exhibiting BPD tendencies. I would recommend to anyone who is struggling to understands someones behavior to read this book. There are many tips that can be applied to several mental Heath conditions.  Excellent!!!!

This is an invaluable book for anyone who has been involved with or who is currently involved with or related to a person with Borderline Personlity Disorder...Having worked in mental health I can say that the descriptions are 100% accurate and the good news is that there is help available to someone with the disorder and especially for those who don't have the disorder but have been damaged by a Borderline...The book helps you to understand the origins and struggles of the BP as well as its affects on the non- BP with coping skills and a great sense of hope that never seemed to be presented by other books in the past.. This is a book WELL worth the money and its an excellant read...

This book although short, is a great first read if you know someone who was recently diagnosed with BPD. There were times I thought the author was writing about my relationship with my BPD partner.
It helps answers those first questions you have and also gives you some insight into the disorder itself.
Gives helpful tips to non-BPD family members about setting limits, recognising that you cant "save" them and you are only responsible for 50%of the relationship.
It can leave you with a few questions afterwards in terms of where to go now you have all this knowledge, also starts you thinking about what it is about yourself that let you tolerate some challenging behaviours.
Overall great read would really recommend it to those in relationships with people with .BPD

This book is extremely helpful to understanding what is going on and how you can best support and respond to someone with BPD, or their family members. It also helps you understand that it is not your fault when the person with BPD is depressed, anxious or stressed. I have recommended it to others, especially for understanding how to help children of a person with BPD.

My therapist recommended this book to help me understand my mother who is borderline personality. Even if you are just in a difficult relationship with a spouse, friend, sibling etc. This book really helps you understand relationships and how to handle different dynamics of relationships. It is a quick read.

This is a good introduction and may have deserved a 4th star. One of the authors had experience with an adult with BPD and the book seems somewhat skewed in that direction. Our concerns were in the area of BPD in adopted children and, while the topic is addressed, there were few specifics. In fact, the authors cite a work that sounds a bit like Bettelheim's discredited theory of autism without challenging it. Still, there is much here for anyone dealing with this disorder.

Sadly my Mother has this condition and this book clearly spells out the impact her impact has had on me. A must read for people who have difficult parents who do not and will not go for psychological counseling. It will not heal them or you however it provides greater understanding.

This is a very informative book on borderline personality disorder. Fascinating! It was everything I had hoped it would be! Highly recommend this to anyone who is dealing with this unpredictable mental illness.

this book teaches some useful things. But the whole thing feels like an advertisement for the author's other works. The references are to mostly dead communities which makes it feel a lot lonelier than it should. Mostly this is common sense stuff. I was hoping for more specific and in depth ways to communicate with a bpd partner. This wasn't quite what I was looking for.

This book is for understanding your loved ones if their behaviors and communication have you baffled. . Written about borderline personalities but I think the techniques and thought process are good for all communication in relationships.

This book immediately felt outdated and kind of slapped together. There was a lot of sympathy for the person with BPD, which I think is fine, but the book went so far as to call their manipulation "not real manipulation," which I completely disagree with. None of the titles or headers were capitalized which drove me nuts. Adult children would do much better with Surviving the Borderline Parent and Understanding the Borderline Mother, especially if you're looking for validation of your childhood experience.

Very informative! Bought a second copy for my mom! Mom said a lot of it made sense for her, and a lot hit "the nail on the head" with a lot of it. BPD is very real.. The more people understand it. The less people get misdiagnosed and less feeling misunderstood and alone!!!

This resource gave my wife and I a very unsettling view into the world of BPD. There is so much info we would have never
gotten otherwise. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with a loved one who is stricken with this illness.
Boderline Personality Disorder is real and contrary to belief, we as parents do not have all the answers.
Many thanks to Mr. Paul Mason. Steve S.

I enjoyed the easy to understand language; I.e. No continual jargon. I believe the authors created a good reference for families; however, I believe more emphasis should have been placed on the possibility of an invalidating environment. Of course, this is referring to the parent or sibling(s) of the BP and not the spouse. What I'm saying is that while I am a firm believer in genetic and environmental predispositions or influences, I believe this book did not cover more of the environmental factors. This may help the caregivers to have a better awareness of inconsistent validation and assist with being consistent in consequences, boundary setting, and other matters suggesting consistency as a major factor in recovery.

Reading this excellent book is like receiving authoritative and extremely helpful advice from two very smart and well-educated friends. The authors draw upon their own knowledge as well as research performed by other experts and interviews with people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and those who care about them, and they provide a comprehensive view of this distressing disorder and how to deal with someone who has this problem. As well as how NOT to deal with them. For example, readers learn (Chapter 8) that they should not respond to the rage of a person with BPD with their own anger, even though it's a natural response to do so. The reason is that the anger can escalate. (You can't really "win" an argument with a person with BPD who is in a rage. They know they're right--even when they're dead wrong.) Nor do you try calming the person with BPD down, because that often aggravates them as well. So what do you do? Tell the person in an even-tempered voice that you cannot talk if they're yelling and screaming. Then if the hysterics continue, people who don't have BPD should leave the scene of an argument, especially if they feel themselves erupting. The authors suggest that you should go to a friend's house, take the kids to the movies or take a taxi home and they offer other useful options.

The book is replete with information and anecdotes about borderline personality disorder and provides exceptionally helpful advice that somehow seems personalized to readers as well. You will find yourself nodding your head as you read this book, thinking that these authors really know their stuff. Sidebar boxes emphasize key points, which is also an important means of conveying key information.

If you have any sort of relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder--friend, spouse or partner, sibling or another relationship that matters to you--you need to buy this book and read it now. Also, don't lose the book after you read it because you will want to come back to and read sections that are relevant to you later on.

Not much is available about borderline personality disorders, and this book provides valuable guidelines for those who face someone so afflicted every day. It strains to drop the textbook approach and offers practical suggestions on how to "deal." I recommend it to anyone who wonders what's wrong with him/herself - are they causing this behavior? Read and find out.

This book made it crystal clear what Borderline Personality is, and it offers numerous tips and information on how to deal with a BPD person in your life. It really helps to understand a problem. If your family is affected by BPD, I recommend you read this book.

Makes important points about certain steps you must take to care for yourself.

However, I believe you won't be able to stop walking on eggshells through taking those steps alone....

The reason I say that is because I later read books that gave steps you can take when interacting with your loved-one who has borderline personality disorder that led to peaceful resolutions. Although I did appreciate this book for the reason I stated, it was not true to its title for my particular situation. This book - in my opinion - seemed to more or less avoid the topic of specifically how to interact with your loved-one who has borderline personality disorder - when what I needed to know was exactly that.

Incredibly helpful. It was interesting to learn that it is quite common for folks with BPD to fit the facts of a situation to their feelings rather than the other way around. It's not intention manipulation, simply a reaction to very strong feelings or emotional distress. I'm really hoping this perspective can help me better communicate with my family member with BPD. Validate the feelings, not the "facts" even when it's so tempting to deny and defend.

Extremely helpful and eye opening. Good starting point. It's a comfort to feel you are not alone. Coping strategies are basic, and I would encourage exploration beyond the book...but this book alone is very informative. Help yourself, then your lived one.

The book I recommend most to students, clients, friends, and family members. It's great for teaching people about BPD, but it's also just a great book to learn about complex relationship dynamics and how to have healthy boundaries and empathy at the same time.

I felt like this book described so many situations that I have lived through for many years -- and helped me understand how my actions/inactions contributed to the situation. While I did not stay with the BPD individual, the suggestions for change in my own behavior going forward were helpful. The information was very accessible.

This book explained everything to me. Now I understand what I have been living with my whole life. My mother has BPD. This book also enabled me to take control of my own life. It also taught me how to handle my mother so she no longer has control over me. This book is exceptional. I highly recommend it

An excellent resource for individuals living with very difficult people whose unstable emotional reactivity they don't understand. This not only puts a diagnostic label on it, but offers very concrete suggestions on how to cope with, and manage, the impact of Borderline Personality Disorder on everyone who lives in the sphere of life of someone so affected. It is painful to hear how spouses, children, and parents can have their lives so shaped by the behavior of someone towards whom you have come to develop so many ambivalent feelings in addition to the love that brought you together. In this way, it is also a sad book that I could only read for short periods of time. But it just makes explicit the pain one feels living on a daily basis with someone with Borderline Personality disorder. It is also an essential read for professionals working with people who fit the diagnosis and their families.

Excellent book for anyone who has ever dealt with difficult parents, partners, or children. It specifically addresses Borderline Personality Disorder and was extremely helpful for me. As the child of a Borderline, it gave me an entirely new perspective and helped me learn to establish and stick to personal boundaries. Great book!

I wish I had found this book four years earlier. It described many ofhte situations I found myself in. along with "I Hate You don't Leave Me" these are two of the more useful books in dealing with a dysfunctional partner whose behavior suggests they suffer from a borderline personality disorder.

One of the most tragic effects of having a personality disorder is that the sufferer is usually blocked from seeing that they have it... they know something is terribly wrong in their relationships with others... they want more than anything else to have positive, healthy relationships... but those just don't happen.

The pain, confusion, sense of isolation, and fears of abandonment that come from this is horrible to watch in someone we deeply love. It must be absolutely terrifying for the person who is suffering from it since usually they find they brutalize and push out of their lives the people they love and need the most. I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

If the title even touches you, get it, read it, and connect with a supporting group of people who likewise love their partners and want the relationship to work. Maybe it will, and maybe it won't. That decision is always 100% in the hands of the person suffering from these personality disorders, since the process of recovery begins and depends on them.

For them, there is help... if they want it. Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder.

These books Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells are for you.

One of my children probably has Borderline Personality Disorder. My relationship with her has always been extremely difficult. For all of her life, from her early teens on, we have had problems communicating. And because I would have done just about anything to have a good relationship with her, I didn't set boundaries. As a result of all this, I've walked on eggshells every time I've been around her, during every phone conversation and in all our correspondence. And she's trampled all over me. Until I read this book. Finally, I understand the dynamics of the relationship and have drawn a line. This far, but no further. It has made all the difference in the world for me. She's not happy about it, but that's really her problem, not time. I no longer will allow myself to be a rug.

As one who both experiences what is described in the book and counsels other who are on the receiving end of the BDP behaviors, I affirm the realty touching that the author offers. I appreciate the author's compassion for the BPD person and for those in the circle of the impact of the behaviors. The guidance and suggestions offered are very helpful.

great book when dealing with someone with BPD..nothing more frustrating than walking on eggshells and developing anxiety yourself..great book in helping to understand the illness..good price and delivery as well

This was my first book about Borderline Personality Disorder and I found it very easy to read. It was very insightful and helpful. It explains why people with BPD do what they do and offers tips on how to react. I feel much closer to my family member with BPD now and also feel a great deal less guilty.