The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

In this age of disconnection how do we find belonging ? Dr. Brenè Brown presents practical tools for finding a way to belong to yourself first, then to each other.
The premise of the book is the wilderness is the place we step out from the crowd and stand alone in our integrity . Hard to do its a thankless place sometimes but if we rare willing to risk not fitting in, we will find out how to belong to our own hearts.
One quote that resonated with me:
the more we diminish our own pain, or rank it compared to what others have survived, the less empathic we are to everyone.
Feeling pain is part of our journey. The only way to sit in pain and grief with another, away from the crowd, is if we are willing to feel our own. I strongly recommend "Braving The Wilderness" for anyone who has hurt, has ft the pain of not fitting in,and those who want to provide safe places for others to find emotional safety.

Brene's books transform deep parts of me. I can hear her as I read them. I am forever changed in beautiful ways because of her life's work sharing about vulnerability showing up and being me . Thank you Brene' for being you, perfectly imperfect and braving the wilderness. Keep writing and living full heartedly and keep sharing.

Absolutely incredible. Brene Brown once again shows a knack for finding the universal and fundamental aspects of human existence that we, as a society, try to ignore. By baring her own fears, struggles, and insecurities, in this book, Brene Brown gently coaxes us out of the fortresses that we have built around our hearts, showing us that the walls we have built to protect ourselves from pain also prevent us from experiencing joy and connection. Anger and contempt and isolation and clinging to what is familiar does not truly assuage our deep sense of loneliness.
I have no doubt that if everyone were to read this book, the world would become a better place.

Brene' hits the proverbial nail on the head with this one. There is so much wisdom touching on everything from where we've come as a society and the influence of social media on our civility to encouraging us to spend more time face to face embracing one another through the celebration and grieving rituals. She speaks of being authentic and true to ourselves even though it may lead us through the wilderness. It is there, in the wilderness, where we may find a whole new tribe. I purchased this through Audible, and I could not stop listening. I finished the listen in one afternoon. It has been a long time since I didn't become bored listening to a book. Brene' gets real on so many levels and it is inspiring and refreshing to listen to someone who is genuine and honest.

The foundational question behind this book couldn’t be more timely or compelling: Why can’t we get along? Why have we sorted ourselves into fortified ideological camps, relying on weaponized words to keep the marauders from the other camp at bay? In doing so we have not found solace but have paralyzed public debate and social progress. And we’re lonely.

The author is right, of course.

Dr. Brown believes fear is at the heart of the problem. And the solution she advocates is to follow your “wild heart” into the wilderness beyond your encampment. The rules of engagement in the wildnerness, should you encounter like-hearted souls from the other encampment, and you will, are civility, a developed and willing ability to listen, and recognition that what we all seek is real belonging. To find it we must call out BS, be generous, and above all else, hold your ground.

Dr. Brown is a social research scientist. And science, of course, is all about cause and effect. Research science is a protocol for analyzing data, preferably in large amounts, discerning the patterns that emerge, and applying those patterns to larger, related questions. It is a product of deductive logic, often characterized today as reasoned intelligence.

It’s a process and a world view that dominates all of our institutions today. Politicians conduct polls, businesses mine Big Data, and the traditionally soft academic sciences like evolutionary psychology and social science conduct research. All well and good.

There are, however, several limitations to this definition of reasoned intelligence. In the extreme it is assumed to be both infallible and all-inclusive. The conclusions, as a result, tend to be one-dimensional and strongly held. There is little room for Socratic debate.

The potential myopia of the approach is evident in the fact that words come to take on rigid and deistic meaning. Dr. Brown notes, “We are hardwired to believe what we see and to attach meaning to the words we hear.” And, “Dehumanizing always starts with language…”

Language, however, is a human convention. It’s not natural to the universe like rain or oxygen. Words are mere symbols, and while symbols are indeed important, they acquire real meaning only in context. In some languages, like Mandarin, the very meaning of a word, in fact, is often defined by that context.

If it sounds like I’m starting to make the case that “guns don’t kill, people do,” I’m not. I’m making the opposite case. Guns exist for only one purpose—to shoot bullets—and bullets do, as a matter of science, kill people.

Words, however, do not exist in such a single dimension. The belief that they do is at the heart of political correctness, which is ultimately the belief in the rigidity of meaning and all-inclusive intent.

In this case Dr. Brown notes, “Successful dehumanizing, however, creates moral exclusion.” It is, therefore, a short hop to the observation that, “Today we are edging closer and closer to a world where political and ideological discourse has become an exercise in dehumanization.”

And this has given rise to the ultimate false dilemma: “You are either with us or against us,” that is at the heart of identity politics. It’s an abominable and flawed dilemma that falsely digitizes all opinion. And I fully agree with Dr. Brown in condemning it.

The alternative, however, is not another false dilemma. And here is where I always stumble in my attempts to get to the heart of the very important issue raised by this book. Are words like inclusion, humanity, rehumanization, and underdog digital in their meaning? They are clearly less digital that words like hate, prejudice, and arrogance. Ultimately, however, they are words and someone has to arbitrate their meaning.

The books devotes ample space to what Brown calls “BS’ing.” (She spells out the word but I wasn’t sure the moderator would accept that.) “I love the idea of speaking truth to bullsh*t…” She continues, “It’s helpful to think of lying as a defiance of the truth and bullsh*tting as a wholesale dismissal of the truth,” often found in discussions “driven by emotion rather than shared understanding of the facts.”

In this case, Brown knocks uncertainty as a cop-out, in keeping with the scientist’s rational perspective. The opposite of clarity is ignorance and she cites Professor Harry Frankfurt’s work on the topic to prove the point, identifying the culprit as “our being skeptical and denying that we can ever know the truth of how things truly are.” As a denial of the digital perspective, however, that itself is a digital weapon.

The prose on BS’ing, as a result, reminded me of the term first coined by Steward Chaplin in 1900 and popularized by Teddy Roosevelt—“weasel words.” These are the words that suck the meaning out of claims much like the weasel sucks the meat out of the egg while leaving the shell intact. They provide cover for misleading claims and politicians and business executives use them every day.

In the end, I fully agree and support the basic premise of this book. It is a worthy and noble aspiration. I only wish we could focus more on behavior and less on language. If a picture is worth a thousand words a behavior is worth ten thousand pictures. To borrow from the words of Supreme Court Justice Potter Steward, I know hate when I see it. I know prejudice when I see it. And, ultimately, I know fairness when I see it, although that is often perhaps the least digital word in our language; being, as it often is, in the eye of the beholder.

This book is a very good read that I recommend for just about everyone. On balance I am undoubtedly in Dr. Brown’s “group”, as it were. There is, however, an old saying that people will remember you not for what you say or do, but how you made them feel. No one ever lay on their deathbed and said, “Bring me all my stuff.” The need for human connection, as Dr. Brown so eloquently points out, is supreme to all other human needs. (Maslow put it before self-esteem and self-actualization.)

I only hope that we don’t continue to let our words alone define the discussion. That role belongs to the heart, not the tongue. It is the heart that will lead us into Dr. Brown’s wilderness where real diversity thrives.

This seems like the culmination of what she's been working on all this time, and everyone will benefit from giving it deep consideration. It is so tempting and easy to align with a path that is already well travelled, especially by those we call friends and colleagues. So easy to blame the "other" for all that is not the way we want it. It is uncomfortable, but really mind-expanding, to realize that "they" actually make some valid points, and to take them seriously. The peak of this awareness for me came from when I felt like I actually understood what Trump was trying to get at when he said "both sides" were responsible for the Charlottesville disaster, or at least what he might have meant in his own tone deaf and clumsy way: the "anti-racists" can easily become violent too! We must embrace nonviolence if we hope to end violence. I expect I will be condemned for this point of view and that is exactly what Brene is talking about. There is good in the worst of us and bad in the best of us, and until we really accept that we are just going to be part of the problem.

This is the first book I have read by this author. It does seem to meander a bit and I don't feel like I'm able to pull out any firm advice or guidance. I find myself repeatedly frustrated with references to earlier research or books by Brene and others work. The references are so strong, that I feel like this book is really all of those other books, and no real in depth content specific to Braving the Wilderness. Perhaps the author was rushed for a deadline? I believe I have picked up what this author's politics are and she does make an effort to show both main republican and democrat conflicts from 2016 election as examples of her B.R.A.V.I.N.G conversations. I'm honestly not sure why this book has been rated so highly by others. I may give this author another chance in hopes that her other works do a deeper dive and explaining NEW research she did, not trying to rehash old works; reminds me of tv montages - recycle bits of other shows to make a "new" show.

I could read and re read this author all day. When my eyes are too tired to read, I’d watch/listen to her on TED! Reading Braving The Wilderness was like sitting in a cozy living room and soaking in Brene Brown discussing her research on and experiences with connectedness and the human need to belong. I’ve never highlighted a Kindle book more and have already quoted areas for reflection at work and home. Braving The Wilderness is a true resource. I recommend this book to anyone that wants to both feel empowered and whole all by their lonesome-as well as inspired to get out there and make solid connections with others!

It's ok, more of the same. Not one of her best works. I am a big Brene Brown fan. Her earlier works are better. Seems like she is pulling from recent works to keep writing books. A few new concepts yet nothing earth shattering.

This was my first Brene Brown book - and my last. I found it to be a meandering, fluffy piece focusing on political correctness. I didn’t expect it to head that way, and when she wholesale dismissed a point of view, she lost all credibility. I barely made it through half the book, and I couldn’t get it out of my house to a thrift shop fast enough. I actually want a refund, it made me so angry.

Concepts were easy to follow and she provided some great areas to consider in life; however, I just couldn't get past her personal stories as they seemed so self-serving and "look at me" vs. being a helpful building experience for the reader. Additionally, in our book club only one out of five individuals actually cared for this book.

I only met Brene on Ted talks. This book was a perfect follow up to Dan Rather's What Unites Us. Both call us to raise the bar on civility, humanity and using our brains and souls for better lives. Both should become required reading before you pass go and collect your first paycheck.

Both call us on our soul sickness. Both have life altering suggestions for healing.

I've run hot and cold on Brown's previous books. This one stood out as strong for me. It left me with a few good questions (like why aren't people curious anymore when they have more information at their fingers than ever before). I also walked away reading it with concrete things to try. Overall, very easy, pleasurable read.

Ok, so I really liked her book The Gifts of Imperfection so naturally I thought this would be a good one.... But the whole white guilt thing at the beginning was too much and her bemoaning on about how white people would think she's black because of her name? Like, I didnt even think about it until she wrote about it. I guess the beginning just ruined it for me and I definitely wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. I guess it's popular because she's obsessed with Oprah and feels bad about her "white privilege"?..... I don't know the whole book was just way too liberal and agendaized for me to actually respect it. Just my 2 cents tho!

Meh this felt like two half way fleshed out books rushed and crammed into one. I’m sad bc I like Brene Brown. And her concepts are good, it just felt like she didn’t dive deep enough and the connection between the two halves was tenuous. Still a decent read though.

With her characteristic insight and compassion, Brene explores true belonging in a divided world. She's one of my favorite authors and I appreciate that her research is both inspirational and practical, personal and global. This book is challenging as well as hope-giving. I'll be thinking about it for a long time.

I enjoyed her other books and even when I disagreed with her; her books were readable and well-written. This one is just plain awful. White guilt, political rants, weird ramblings, recycled, irrelevant research, disjointed writing. Best I can tell this book aspires to be a guide for surviving when your political candidate loses. That is fine, but I feel duped because I didn't realize that was the direction her book was headed. I couldn't finish this book and I'm done with this author.

Started crying reading the first chapter...this book should be required reading for every human. If you are feeling lost in this crazy world it is a must read. But it will challenge you, and that is a good thing. We need change and we can't just ask the world around us to change if we aren't willing to change ourselves, our hearts, our beliefs, our actions. If you aren't willing to see yourself as part of the problem and part of the solution, don't read it.

Brene has done it again! She has a way of writing which cuts right through to the core of the issues and makes me think critically about myself and what I want. It is just what our country needs right now to get back to unity and what the world needs to follow to make peace a reality.

Brene Brown does it again! I'm biased because I'm obsessed with Brene Brown. But literally all her work is gold! You can't go wrong no matter which of her books you purchase. Take it from someone who has read every single one multiple times and gets something new out of them every time she does!

I could not get into this book at all. I bought it based on being in Reese Witherspoon’s book club, but it is definitely not what I expected. The writing is very preaching and political, not a light hearted read at all. I could see if someone was at a place in their life that this may connect for them, I guess I am just not there. I felt myself having to re-read pages because I was lost of what it was even talking about. Disappointed with this purchase.

This book was very thought provoking. My version is full of highlights and things I believe I will be mulling over for weeks to come. I love her acronym for braving and believe this book has something to teach each of us.

I had high hopes for this book. Unfortunately, what was showcased as a self-help book for how to stand on your own, actually turned out to be a politically biased, opinionated novel lacking real data and facts. I had to stop halfway in because this book simply did not resonate - she tries to associate loneliness and “not fitting in” to the current political climate, with a very one- sided perspective. Most of the tangents she goes on do not even tie back to the original theme of the book. I’m sure some of her other work is great, but this was disappointing.

Another incredible resource for whole hearted living by Dr. Brene Brown. Words seem to fail my experience , but the tears and laughter I experienced through this literary adventure stand as testaments for the power of the wonderful Dr. Brene Brown.

Absolutely phenomenal and timely, I cried, laughed, got nailed, was deeply empowered, and have already sent five of my friends on the quest to read it. There are so many important areas covered in this book, from how we dehumanize one another to how gossip is the toxic mimic of connection to how to be curious to being brave by being yourself. It should be required reading for everyone.

Too simplistic. Maybe I am just old, but this type of belly button examination just seems dumb. I could not stomach more than a chapter or so. Might be okay for a teenager but I cannot imagine a grown women finding this of value. Sorry I bought it - just shows that NY Times bestsellers are not always worth reading.

What Brene explores in this book is refreshing, liberating, and daunting. I love how she advocates for us to have the courage to stand in that place where we are true to ourselves. I concur with the need to embrace and live from our wild hearts.

I am so thankful for this book.

Brown continues to teach wisdom to any participant of the 21st century. The book lays out true homework for those who wish to kick their life into high gear and leave the banality of living in the rut. Just hope she can top this one with more inspiration and more human insight with what ever she is presently working on for her next release.

Wonderfully motivating, Brene’s latest book reassured me at a time in my life when I feel that there is little room for being different and an aging member of society whose contributions are a thing of the past!

I just love brene. So anything she writes I’m sprinting to. This one was different than the rest of her books. It challenged us to think outside ourselves and see the world as belonging. Exactly what I needed. You light up my life, Brene. I wish to be a piece of this to others in the world. I love your heart, your words, and for you being YOU.

Absolutely essential reading for anyone who doesn't feel like they fit in and that the world is crazy. We must "brave the wilderness". It's so important in healing our culture of divisiveness and hate. Thank you to Brene Brown for writing this book for all of us.

Not a fan of B. Brown - find her preachy and peddling common sense. I only bought it because my book club was reading it and I should have listened to instinct. This academic has made big bank off blathering on for hundreds of pages saying nothing. Could not finish it, have many better ways to spend my time.

Another incredible resource for whole hearted living by Dr. Brene Brown. Words seem to fail my experience , but the tears and laughter I experienced through this literary adventure stand as testaments for the power of the wonderful Dr. Brene Brown.

Absolutely phenomenal and timely, I cried, laughed, got nailed, was deeply empowered, and have already sent five of my friends on the quest to read it. There are so many important areas covered in this book, from how we dehumanize one another to how gossip is the toxic mimic of connection to how to be curious to being brave by being yourself. It should be required reading for everyone.

Too simplistic. Maybe I am just old, but this type of belly button examination just seems dumb. I could not stomach more than a chapter or so. Might be okay for a teenager but I cannot imagine a grown women finding this of value. Sorry I bought it - just shows that NY Times bestsellers are not always worth reading.

What Brene explores in this book is refreshing, liberating, and daunting. I love how she advocates for us to have the courage to stand in that place where we are true to ourselves. I concur with the need to embrace and live from our wild hearts.

I am so thankful for this book.

Brown continues to teach wisdom to any participant of the 21st century. The book lays out true homework for those who wish to kick their life into high gear and leave the banality of living in the rut. Just hope she can top this one with more inspiration and more human insight with what ever she is presently working on for her next release.

Wonderfully motivating, Brene’s latest book reassured me at a time in my life when I feel that there is little room for being different and an aging member of society whose contributions are a thing of the past!

I just love brene. So anything she writes I’m sprinting to. This one was different than the rest of her books. It challenged us to think outside ourselves and see the world as belonging. Exactly what I needed. You light up my life, Brene. I wish to be a piece of this to others in the world. I love your heart, your words, and for you being YOU.

Absolutely essential reading for anyone who doesn't feel like they fit in and that the world is crazy. We must "brave the wilderness". It's so important in healing our culture of divisiveness and hate. Thank you to Brene Brown for writing this book for all of us.

Didn't feel, for me, there was much value in this book and after reading the first couple of chapters I had to stop. I guess if "belonging" or not is important to a person, it would be useful but as I age I find it's not important to me at all. Anyway, guess I just have a different philosophy on life; if it helps others, great, just not for me.

purchased this after reading the glowing reviews only to find i disagree! The author sounds like she is whining the entire backstory. I was looking for a book that helps me fit in; but my experiences did not line up with what the author was saying. very disappointed with this book

Didn't feel, for me, there was much value in this book and after reading the first couple of chapters I had to stop. I guess if "belonging" or not is important to a person, it would be useful but as I age I find it's not important to me at all. Anyway, guess I just have a different philosophy on life; if it helps others, great, just not for me.

I genuinely enjoyed her other books and was greatly looking forward to her newest. I was a little skeptical because since her books are all based on her research I had my reservations how she could do enough new research and write a book in the short time since her last book. But I trusted her as her other books were very well done in my opinion.

I ended up being correct. It's a short book with a big font size and wide spacing. It didn't really say much. Very shallow and fluffy. Not at all intilectual. Most of it is her saying stories about herself with a few half decent thoughts. (You would think someone with over 200,000 pages of research would have some stories to tell about other people.)

It also was very preachy, basically sounded like her screaming at the world for half of the book. I agree that there are a lot of problems in the world but this is very different than her other books. I really had the feeling that she just had to get something off her chest.

On top of all this she gets very political. I happen to agree with the one nice thought that the book contained - that we shouldn't be so all or nothing when viewing people with different political views. But I didn't buy the book to hear her rant about politics. Nowhere in the title or book description does it mention that she would be discussing politics.

In general her writing style is very different/unique as she is extremely flowery and metaphorical which often leaves me confused as to what she is trying to say. With her other books there was enough content for me to struggle through that, but with this one I really couldn't do so as much as before as there really isn't much there.

Also in general she quotes her research a lot. But she never spells out her research, how it was done, etc. She just says "the research says" and your left to take her word for it. Qualitative research leaves a lot of room for the interpretation of the researcher. As such it is really important to know what information she is interpreting and not just rely on her. Unfortunately she never provides us with this information. Again this bothered me with her previous books, but at least there was enough content to make the book still worth it. Here it was just a lot of fluff, stories about herself, ranting, and politics.

All in all, I really got the feeling that she wrote the book just because she knows that her name recognition alone will make her a ton of money off of sales. Next time I won't preorder the book rather I'll wait to read other reviews.

Such an amazingly vulnerable and powerful journey that Brené invited us into in Braving the Wilderness. Her encounter meeting Maya Angelo for the first time was my favorite part ofthis story so far. It's like her resistance to "the one quote" of Dr Angelo's promoted this divine encounter that pushed her to one of the most important breakthroughs of her life. I know this book is so timely for me, like I was taken right into that first meeting with Brené and Dr Angelo and I too am being thrust right into my own breakthrough in loving and embracing me, knowing that it is the clinchpin for the most amazing 2nd half of my life. I wish everyone I know and love would read this book.

I love Brene Brown and reading two of her other books have helped my alot. But this one was by far disappointing to be honest. I thought it lacked substance and a whole lot of value. I did not get any take aways from this book. It was honestly a lot of fluff stuff.