Or Self-Involved Parents - How to Heal from Distant

I am amazed about the way I feel my soul connected with the author's words while I'm reading this incredible book. It's an indescribable feeling, almost as if the book was written for me. I am the result of emotionally immature parents, and it's been a real struggle for me. Issues such as individuation vs. enmeshment, flexible vs. loose boundaries, parental expectations and fantasies have been struggles I've had to deal throughout my whole life. Dr. Gibson explains these and other neuralgic concepts throughout the book while also using quintessential clinical case presentations and practical excersices. I highly recommend this book to anyone for personal and/or professional issues. A+

A Truly excellent and informative book. It goes a long way towards helping one understand why some people behave and live the way they do!
It also helps one handle situations better with the wise insights provided in the book.
Highly Recommended!

Bought this for my kids after a long, difficult marriage ended. They are in their early 20s but needed to know it wasn't their fault why their father treated them the way he did and why he did the illegal and immoral things he did. This book had him pegged and definitely fostered understanding into the mind of a narcissist. It's just scary to think there's so many of them out there!

After years of wondering what was going on with my immature parents, I finally understand. It feels like the author literally lifted some passages from our life. This book is easy to read, quotes from many other supporting studies and right on the mark. A must read for any adult striving with their parents and don't know why!

This is my first book review ever. This book will likely change your life. I can't believe how many questions about my life it has answered. My life and the patterns I've been repeating in my relationships make so much more sense now. I recommend this book to everyone!

I am sorry, I am sure this book will help a lot of people, but I am not one of them. It's like a case study. I can relate, but it's really not helpful to me. I guess I was looking for an easy solution. This is not it.

In her latest book, Dr. Lindsay Gibson reveals a prevalent aspect of the dysfunctional family, emotionally immature parents. With its groundbreaking clarity and well researched conclusions, I’m reminded of Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child: Search for the True Self. Dr. Gibson accurately highligys the poisonous family dynamics caused by distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. Not only does the author present the extremes of damage caused by emotional needs not being met, she also offers numerous examples of how individuals are able to recover their true nature and live fulfilling lives. Her theme is one all too many of us can identify with. The underlying message is that judgment of the past is prologue to one’s future. Our parents may be responsible for our problems, but we are responsible for the solutions. This is a most commendable book.

This book helped me, as a therapist, help patients to identify themselves as the children of emotionally immature parents and then apply "tough love" to those parents. Patients learned to build and maintain boundaries with immature parents and to no longer expect reciprocity from people who cannot give it. I also was able to describe in detail the emotionally mature person with whom a satisfying relationship is possible. This book will help the children of immature parents deliver themselves from guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating family of origin dynamics in new relationships. Armed with this book, victims become proactive and those who feel ashamed can release themselves from the condemnation of immature parents. It is a must read for those whose parents failed them.

This book was ok. Contains some useful concepts to think about. However, it did not speak to me the way it clearly did for many other readers. I think it is primarily meant for people who had experiences at the more severe end of the spectrum of childhood; less so for those simply wishing some insight into your average flawed parents, which we all had/are. I am sure it can be helpful for some.

Dr. Gibson has written an incredibly insightful, tremendously helpful book. Its truth is that "Mutual emotional responsiveness is the single most essential ingredient of human relationships." This book helped me understand that my mother was emotionally neglected as a child by her mother, and this affected her relationship with me. I so wish I had had access to this book years and years ago so that I could have used the valuable tools learned in it when interacting with her. I now understand my role as an internalizer and how I relate to others. The sections on getting to know my true self and how to take better care of myself are invaluable. The guidelines for indentifying emotionally mature people are helpful not only to me, but also to my friends and my adult daughters in their relationships. Suggestions for new relationship habits are pure gold. I highly recommend this book to everyone!

Lindsay Gibson’s book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” is an excellent read. The book thoroughly examines the parent-child relationship, illuminating the unique challenges faced by children of immature parents. Children of parents who lack maturity develop an emotional loneliness that continues into adulthood. I especially enjoyed the stories she weaved into the book. Her advice and exercises are helpful for not only these people but for anyone struggling to cope with an emotional immature person. I would recommend this book to everyone.

This book was not sensitively written enough to be helpful to me particularly. I found it to be too black and white without shades of gray necessary for me to relate well to it. My experience was that I found the material to be too upsetting and general to be constructive for me. I wanted to trust the author, but I couldn't.
I much prefer Running On Empty. My advice is to get that book first. Good luck!!!!

This book should be required reading for high school psychology students. Or high school grads. If I had known this information when I first "left the nest" it would have helped me get much further with relationships in early adulthood. Many family roles are repeated unless we are consciously aware of them, and this book makes it easy to process childhood and move into the next step of life.

I'm very happy with the layout of this book: it has very informative, brief, and impactful headings...therefore you can skim or browse for the sections that can be most impactful to yourself and/or a client. I'm also impressed by the very quick and effective breakdown of complicated emotional interactions and labeling of concepts like Role Coercion (a parent clinging to the role between themselves and their adult child). I think that this dynamic is not well explored in other literature, and this book should be considered a primary source of information on this topic. I also appreciate the time spent on each part of the dynamic: the parent, potential motives for their behavior, the adult child, the adult child's coping strategies, and how to cope potentially more effectively. There is also extra content available through the publisher: the questionnaires in the book in PDF format to print for clients - Assessing Your Parent's Emotional Immaturity, Identifying Your Coping Style, and Assessing Others' Emotional Maturity. I consider this to be the epitome of a self-help book, as it does offer effective tactics for emotionally dealing with an emotionally immature parent. In particular, a popular concept in therapy is boldly stated before the management section: You cannot change the emotionally immature parent's behavior, only how you handle it. All around well written book that will be of help in your practice or in your journey to heal from such a destructive parent/child interaction interaction pattern.

This book explains my life, my feelings and my emotions perfectly. I always wondered why I never felt "happy" (even being diagnosed as dysthymic at one time), why I have overwhelming anxiety and depression, have had panic attacks, etc. I knew there was something wrong with my childhood all along but never had a name for it. I've read other books (Toxic Parents and Will I Ever Be Good Enough?) but this one nailed it 100%. I recommend this for anyone who has nagging feelings of self-doubt, anxiety or depression that might be related to a childhood that from the outside looks good but isn't emotionally stable.

Dr. Gibson’s book was right on target: insightful, thorough, and amazingly helpful! Many readers will feel the author was a little mouse in the corner watching as they grew up. The book clearly identifies the impact of emotionally immature or self-centered parents, but I found these behaviors may also apply to siblings, spouses, or even friends. The book then offers constructive ways to deal with consequences, minimize damage, handle family interactions, and ultimately heal as an independent, self-actualized adult. The book offers practical approaches and suggestions, even specific phrases, to deflect and redirect potential conflicts. I highly recommend it to anyone facing and struggling with the self-serving manipulations commonly found in family, social, or work-place interactions. You will, no doubt, see yourself, and a lot of folks you know all too well! It can open doors that have been shut for far too long. It should definitely be required reading for anyone heading into one of those mandatory, yet much-dreaded family reunions!

What i like: there are many places through out a book that gives you a wow moments to keep you intact, you will be like that's exactly what has happens to me that is just so him/her moments. and it does match the person , and explain the psychology and some experience on why does it happen that way.

what i didn't like: i don't see a piratical way to actually implement this quickly. mainly book is talking about don't expect she/he will ever change. so just change yourself, and detached yourself. this is not very much practical for me, for one who provide their parents for long time and still parents living under my roof, and it is nearly impossible to physically separate from them, including the sibling who are automatically depending on me, but it does give me a new perspective, regardless of how i had this 'role' self, from tradition or religious, it very well explained and match what you are going through. it's like a friend who can give you advice, but can't give you the solution. you may have to find out yourself.

overall, i liked this book, the writer seems to know what shes doing, for a long time and it's understandable style of writing,

Overall, i like this book. thanks for writing and sharing your psychology patiens story, it's can be related much easily, and i felt like i didn't have to pay for therapy session in huge cost.

I wish this book were available back when I was a teenager, if only to prove to me that terrible parents are so common that a book can be written about them. I've read lots of books about recovering from a parent with narcissistic personality disorder, but they weren't as helpful as this one in terms of insight and how to move on. There's even a chapter at the very end about how to choose a romantic partner that will NOT repeat your childhood behavior patterns to which you've become accustomed to. One of the most profound (and hopeful) passages states, "...what has happened to people matters less than whether they've processed what happened to them. In a study of the characteristics of parents who raise securely attached children, researchers found that parents who created a secure attachment for their children were often characterized by a willingness to recall and talk about their own childhoods. " I will be re-reading this book several times, and will eventually leave it on my mom's gravestone when the time comes (I can't let her see this book while she's alive, she'll rip me a new one).

Looking deep within and peeling the layers away to reach that core authentic self can be overwhelming and discouraging. This book gently awakens your soul and allows you to start the process with comfort. Light hearted and easy to read, this book has the answers that so many of us search for. The outline is beautifully strategic in walking you through this painful part of the process. This is a must read for spiritual growth and a book worth reading again and again just to keep it fresh. There’s an abundance of information and suggestions to help rediscover the authentic perfect self we all are.

Encouraged by the many five star reviews I had high hopes for Gibson's book. I have read quite a few works on emotional abuse and psychological already and am looking for a set of tools to deal with parents and other emotionally immature people. While I have never bookmarked a book as heavily as this one (and can therefore certainly recommend it highly), it left me a bit short on solutions in the end - hence the 3 star rating. I really enjoyed the explanations of the various behavior adaptions that the two main personality "types" use to deal with each other. In terms of background info, Gibson does an outstanding job.

Fortunately, I was already more or less aware of how to deal with my emotionally immature mother and found my strategy confirmed by Gibson. A few years ago I came across two articles that seem to provide more useful, hands on tips on how to deal with difficult people though albeit from a slightly different perspective. How to Date with the Stars ( How to Date With the Stars [Article] (How to Use the Stars Book 3) and Help! I have a Cardinal Parent [Article] (How to Use the Stars Book 2). Eventually, it all comes down to the same thing as there are only so many personality types.

This book provides a detailed look at immature parents and the damage they inflict on their children.Being raised by an immature parent is one of the worst things that can happen to a child.It is a traumatic experience that has lifelong implications.Due to their insufficient social learning, the child's capacities will be stunted,their emotional needs will not be met and they will lack the fundamental abilities that to most of us are so second nature we don't even realize they were modelled & transmitted to us by a parent. Victims of childish parents find it incredibly difficult to lead productive lives and are likely to become an immature parent to their own children.

This book is theoretically sound and informative,however the chapter related to healing yourself and then going on to form relationships with emotionally mature people [How To Identify Emotionally Mature People] is irresponsible.Firstly,due to the immaturely parented adult child's deficient social skills,emotionally mature people are not likely to desire or enjoy the company of a person who was never taught the social skills required for effective daily living.Secondly,it is a harsh fact of life that people are repelled by someone with a differing (lower) level of psychological/emotional functioning to their own. People with psychological problems violate an expectation of rewarding adult to adult, give & take, social interaction.Consequently high functioning individuals will ultimately prefer to keep their distance,this is likely to leave the other person with a sense of rejection & lower self esteem.

The author states the book "offers real skills for handling difficult family situations and moving on from the emotional wounds of your childhood"

It doesn't offer real skills.People parented by immature individuals have suffered attachment trauma that has impaired their ability for connection to self and others they cannot fix themselves with the platitudes offered by the author because they have been subjected to a form of subjugation that has damaged their brain and nervous system.Buy this book, but please ignore those quick fix pollyanna platitudes about fostering your true self etc.They minimize the reality.

This book explains in clear, simple detail how the emotional immaturity of parents, in its many forms, can stunt and distort the healthy emotional development of their children. It is very common for these children to carry their distorted views on healthy emotional behavior into adulthood, and have a difficult time finding truly fulfilling lives and relationships. Dr. Gibson explains how to identify emotional immaturity through research references, clear explanations, and many case examples. Through these varied descriptions, it is easy for the reader to identify whether this problem has affected his or her life. Just as important as the self-understanding the information helps elicit, are the tools provided for making changes to this destructive pattern. The book is a reassuring, supportive tool to help those with emotionally immature parent rebalance their lives with healthy boundaries, self-perceptions, and ways of interacting with others.

I read this on digital loan from my library and highlighted it up and down. Today my dad sent me a bombshell, self centered, immature text while I was grocery shopping- in lieu of calling and bravely sorting through some huge issues. I promptly ordered this in hard copy. It looks like a reread is in order! Thank you so much to the author for giving me the tools I need to be emotionally strong, whole, and idependent.

This book is packed with insight, carefully organized descriptions of both mature and immature emotional behaviors, and accompanied by inventories and practical application steps that help turn new ways of thinking into operational changes. I’m so grateful for this book- it was like reading a description of myself and family of origin. For so long I’ve discounted my own thoughts and feelings to try and earn love from my emotionally immature parents. Realizing I can’t change them and that I don’t have to be a different me for them either was extremely liberating.

I am a middle-aged guy who started reading self-help books about 5 years ago. I am outwardly successful, stable, own a nice home, high functioning. But inside I feel very different to the point where I wanted to investigate. What happened? Most of the self-help books I read had at least some value, and were certainly entertaining to read. But why am I like I am? There's got to be more to it. I had seen this book title but thought, that would never apply to me. Well guess what, it absolutely hit home. This was it. What really struck, and Lindsay Gibson emphasizes this in her book, is that I would have never believed that my parents could have been the way they were. I was housed, I was fed, and I was taken care of when I got sick. What more is there? Emotionally immature parents? Absolutely unimaginable. But they were emotionally immature. It's hard to accept, but they absolutely were. Now I know. This book was a catharsis. Thank you Lindsay Gibson for a book that meant so much to me.

I like this book because it explains the origin of the behavior, what it looks like in the parent and how it manifests in the child. Also, no blaming, just information that is usable. I often feel guilty trying to help myself, if the words I'm reading don't show compassion for others. This book does focus on you, but without blaming others.

It explains cause and effect, with examples out of the author's practice, and it's really helpful. Sometimes books like this upset me by shining a light on my baggage and leaving me hanging. This book doesn't leave you with an explanation. It's very thoughtful.

There's also a list of books at the end and the publisher has a website where you can get additional free resources like worksheets.

I LOVED this book. I am always wary of books that seem to speak only to the severely damaged or horrific childhoods, which I did not have. What I love about this book is that even if you had decent parents, the author still brings up so many ways that the things your parents did *not* do or didn't know how to do emotionally have affected you as an adult today. So with my average parents who were not abusive, I have already learned so much. We are raised by human parents and therefore, some things are bound to hurt and stagnate our development. This book helped me to learn so much not only about childhood and adult figures, but in how to relate to specific difficult people in my work life and extended family. Great book, highly recommend whether your childhood was an average or horrible one--you will still get a lot of info from reading.

Insightful, realistic, true-to-life, very relatable, and helpful. A must read for everyone! The author definitely knows what she is talking about, and it's written in small, very manageable sections with real life stories that exemplify the section.
Like holding a mirror up to yourself and seeing and learning more about yourself than you ever saw before.

The insight in this book was so on point and really helped me. I struggled with the term immature since it suggests an ability to mature when even the author states these are usually people that are not capable of change. Maybe a better word might be dysfunctional? I don’t know... I am going to read this book again immediately and keep it around for reference when I need it. Very very helpful.

I spent years in counseling trying to learn to relate to my parents and deal with their often insensitive and self absorbed tendencies. With this book I feel like I finally found the missing piece of the puzzle.

I would often be so hurt and confused as to why they just couldn't understand how hurtful their actions were to others or see when they were so obviously in the wrong. This book has given me a lot to consider about the level of emotional maturity they have and how that impacts how they see, process and react to things. It has also given me many tools and insights to use moving forward that will hopefully give me peace in my own emotional life.

This book is amazing. Personally, this book gave me so much insight into myself, my parents, and our relationships. Professionally (as a therapist myself), it gave me a non pathological, compassionate way to understand human emotions and behaviors. It is such an easy read. I loved the real life stories and applications! I think every human being could benefit from this book!

I picked this book up during a period of deep self-work in my life. I had recently began putting boundaries into place in many of my relationships. When if came to my relationship with my mother and step-father, I was met with a total lack of accountability and empathy from both of them. Reading this book helped put my parent's reactions into perspective and helped me understand why they reacted the way they did, and still do when confronted with emotionally uncomfortable situations. Highly recommend if you feel you may have surpassed your own parent's emotional maturity and need guidance on how to mourn their limitations and develop a new kind of relationship with them, if you want it.

The premise is not blaming. It is understanding where they are, how we reacted to their pain, the two lies it created (our childhood healing fantasy of what we have to do to fix it, and the role we take on in our family)

Anyone looking to understand themselves and their relationship with their parents should read this book. The author provides a straightforward and organized approach to understanding the different personality types that can arise from past childhood experiences with emotionally immature parents. It also provides practical ways of dealing with emotionally immature parents, as well as guidelines of how to identify emotionally mature people. It’s a straightforward and honest book, and I found it to be incredibly helpful.

This book is a game changer, as if the author lived in my home growing up. I would happily recommend to anyone, because if it's not our own issue, this is something a relative is dealing with, a friend, co-worker, neighbor ... to one degree or another. Written in clear, easy to understand language and examples, gives ample support and confidence to identify my issue, name it, get acquainted, describe it, discuss it, make peace with it, and ample tools and help to then move beyond it. Thank you, Lindsay Gibson!

Recommend this book to anyone who’s felt any relationship in their life has been “off”, who feels like they’re having to hide their true self. This is a fantastic, insightful, proactively helpful book.

Gibson is one of the rare psychologist who sides with the innocent child you once were. At the same time, she avoids blaming your parents. Rather, she focuses on reclaiming your life from an emotionally distant, rejecting or perhaps mentally ill parent. Gibson's approach is the right one. She teaches you that you have the right to love yourself, and that you have the right to be loved by others. Emotionally immature parents can destroy a child's innate self-confidence, reducing you to a slave of external factors. With Gibson's book, you can become master of your future, and cease to be the slave of your past.

Dr. Gibson’s new book is easy to read while being highly informative. You find yourself, your spouse, and/ or your parents on almost every page. There is no one who cannot identify with numerous sections. And when you fear you might not have fully understood a portion, she offers a “story” about a client that excellently illustrates the point (s) she has just made. Of particular interest are the sections about Externalizers and Internalizers. The insight is as significant and revolutionarily revealing as Transactional Analysis was in its day and Myers-Briggs was in its day. Clearly everyone should read it. I believe eventually, everyone will. Don’t be fooled by its 198 pages into thinking it is inadequate. It is comprehensive while still leaving the reader hungry to learn more, and that may be its primary purpose. To introduce each reader to these insightful life-learning concepts in order to prompt the reader into seeking more.
Dr. Scott and Myra Davis

This book has helped me understand a lot about the inner workings of my family and how I can deal with them in the future. There are exercises throughout the book that help you write out your thoughts and understand your true feelings about yourself and other family members, partners or friends. I feel so much more aware after reading this book and am looking forward to using the tools given in this book to live a better life for myself!

Excellent book and helpful if you have a narcissist parent. My only objection is her attribution of emotionally immature to people who have trouble handling stress. This describes an effect of growing up with emotionally immature parents and borders on victim blaming, although I doubt the author intended to imply this. If you grew up with parents like she describes, you’re likely to have an anxiety disorder.

This book was brilliant and well referenced. Thank you much to the author. This book was validating and affirming and guiding. I had one emotionally immature parent. I had a wonderfully emotionally mature one- yet the complicated management of the immature continues to challenge-HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

(Written by Kelly Hemphill)
This book was a breath of fresh air for me. It makes sense of so many aspects of my childhood that didn't make sense previously. It gives guidelines that enable a person to avoid life-draining relationship pitfalls, choose healthy relationships/friendships and a guide to being an emotionally healthy person yourself, so that you can be a life-giving person instead of draining life from others. This book meant a lot to me and was truly life enhancing!

I was already pretty sure that the tract I was taking in dealing with my emotionally distant parents was the right one, but this gave me the confidence boost I needed to continue. Also, this book provided me with a few more options in dealing with them if ever we meet (HIGHLY unlikely) again.

I have always struggled with how my parents treated me in the past and felt guilty for cutting them out of my life. This book has helped me to understand why my parents did what they did and has taught me how to deal with it by setting boundaries that I'm comfortable with.
I recommend anybody struggling with anxiety or depression caused from their family to read this book. It can help you to understand your relationships and decide what course of action in dealing with them is best for your own emotional health.

I appreciate this book so much, as it helped me to understand my childhood experiences and why I am the way I am. More importantly for me though is the understanding of why I often became entangled with emotionally immature men, and how to recognize that and change my tendencies.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Adults is comprehensive, logical, balanced, and powerful, giving permission to the reader to untie the knots that bind. Through well-documented research, thorough explanations, assessment inventories (with downloadable options) the book defines, explains and promotes understanding of the constricted personality of the emotionally immature parent. It is not just another self-help book, it opens a window to personal insight and self-understanding inviting the reader to identify and understand the basis for the very real heartache and emotional loneliness that the adult child experiences. It is rich with real-life examples to ensure clarity of the concepts while identifying techniques for compassionate care for self. This book hits the mark ... it provides the foundation for a new life.

This has some good stuff in it, however a lot of the conclusions are hasty and one-sided. There's too much obsession with labeling people, and cramming them into boxes where they don't quite fit. It's a bit too closed minded.

This entire book resonated with me in such a way it was like it was written just for me. I am eternally grateful for the author of this book I feel like I am really in charge of my own life and my future for the first time in 48 years. I am no longer the square peg that needs to try to fit into a round hole. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

This book ripped my heart out and helped me look at it from a new perspective. It was clear about the nature of emotionally immature people and the consequences of having one (or more) as a parent. Highly recommended if you want to see your family accurately and move forward with maturity and freedom. I have to go cry now.

This was the most useful book I've ever read. If you've had the misfortune of having to deal with this type of parent, this book really sheds light on your experience and makes you realize that there's nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do. What a relief to know you're not alone in this.

This book felt as if it were written personally for me. I’ve been in therapy for years and felt like I was making progress with dealing with my emotionally immature mother. But the death of my father set me back significantly. I discovered this book from having read an article online written by the author. It has been more helpful than all my years in therapy. Not only was it relatable and compassionate in tone, but it offers practical strategies for coping. I will be recommending this to others who deal with this same issue.

More important than focusing on your parents, this book is about understanding you! I recommend for anyone who has found forming relationships difficult. It forces you to take the blame off of others and examine ones self with empathy and acceptance.

Spot on. Thank you so, so much for this book. This book answered so many questions and explained so much. Highly recommend it. Definitely helped to understand why we turn out the way we do. Hopefully, will help the next generation.

Once I started reading this book I could not put it down. This book totally changed my life - for the better. Dr. Gibson does an excellent job of explaining the phenomenon of emotional immature parents and teaches the adult child healthy ways to cope. One week ago, I felt powerless. One week later and after reading this book, I feel in total control of myself and emotions. I've learned I can love them, but to look at them objectively and take the emotion out of it. I know how to set boundaries and no longer feel guilty about setting them. Bravo, to Dr. Lindsay Gibson. Thank you for giving me my adult life back to me.

I’ve never highlighted a book so much in my life. Every sentence rings so true with me. I wish I’d read this 15 years ago, it would have saved me much turmoil. This is one of those things that is very hard to understand on your own, as usually we don’t even know it’s real. I feel so validated reading this and it’s powerful to know I’m not alone.

I made it 61% through this book and at this point it still hasn't delivered on the promise of "how to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents." I'm tired of waiting for the promise to start...instead it just goes into a ridiculous amount of depth explaining what these types of parents are like...yeah, I've had that figured out since childhood.

I have been reading and studying family dynamics avidly for the past 5 years. I have read many good (even great) books and some not so good. By far and away Lindsay Gibson's book, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" is the very best I have read on the subject. I have read many complaints about self-help books that offer a description of the problem, and client stories to illustrate the problem, but fall short of any solutions. Lindsay Graham's book does it all. Although short in length, the author manages to clearly describe the problem of emotional immaturity in parents, she offers an explanation of why this occurs, presents many illustrative and relevant vignettes, AND offers solutions. Do not let the length of this book fool you; Ms. Graham has managed to pack a concise and thorough study of emotionally immature parenting and its effects on children, in the most economic and elegant way. This is not to say that Ms. Graham pretends to say all that there is to say on the subject. Rather, she presents her subject in a way that answers questions, offers solutions, does not leave the reader frustrated, and invites the reader to continue learning about this very serious problem. Brilliant book. Compliments and many thanks to Lindsay Graham.

An important book for anyone who has struggled with issues related to their upbringing. In particular, Dr. Gibson is able to present ideas in a way that's direct and understandable, with little in the way of "fluff". This is easily one of the best books of it type that I've ever written.

This book has changed my life. As I was reading it, it truly crossed my mind that it might have just been written for me. I can't say that about any other book I've ever read in my life-- and trust me, I've read quite too many. If you're reading this, I just want to say thank you Dr. Gibson for answering questions I forgot I had. You've saved my life by helping me create a new one.

I am so grateful to Dr. Gibson for writing this kind, intelligent, insightful and incredibly helpful book. I'm the child of what she calls "driven" parents, and I always thought I was crazy for feeling like there was anything wrong with our outwardly perfect family. I learned that I wasn't crazy, thanks mostly to a longtime meditation practice, but this book shed additional light on my childhood conditioning. In doing so, Dr. Gibson helped me on my journey toward increased kindness and compassion for myself and everyone around me.

I stumbled across this book when I was on the hunt for a book on forgiveness. The thing that caught my eye was the title and within a few pages I realized this book was very direct, provided real life examples, provided worksheets for the reader to do, all the while reassuring the reader that this emotional work can be done, but of course hard but will be much more rewarding in the long run.

Lindsay Gibson if your reading this comment I Jean pagan Thank you for writing it. Although i was already on the path to self discovery and already agreed with certain points of view you had, on the other hand you gave me some of the best things anyone can have. And that is understanding. Thank you.

I always thought I was the problem! I liked how I was able to as my parent in a new way. It was also good to see how I have been an internalizer in relationships. I have found an emotionally mature partner to spend my life with.

Parental influence upon the development of children is a well-noticed fact to all members of society. However, what is often not noticed is the dramatic psychological impact of parents upon children and their emotions when they become adults. In this book, Lindsay Gibson explores the significant effects of emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parents upon their children as they reach adulthood.
The author breaks down the immature parents into categories. In examining each, she utilizes specific examples of adult patients suffering from pain and confusion caused by parents' behavior during their developmental years. Far from being a simple analysis of behavior and its effect on children as they become adults, this book provides specific examples of the way in which an adversely affected adult can free themselves from parental influence.
This book is an excellent read for any person seeking constructive improvement of their relationship with their parents or other family members. Lindsay Gibson is to be commended for this work.

It feels as though I wrote it — it resonates so deeply within me. I feel prepared to tackle a problem I didn’t fully know was there until recently, and it will be very difficult, but I have more validation and courage now that I’ve finished this fantastic read.

Dr. Gibson's book is clear, direct, and enlightening. I can only think of a couple people who would not benefit reading it - my Grandmother and I can't remember the second. If your parents were less than perfect, if your friends have parents who are so, if you are, or hope to be, a parent, then you will find this book more than interesting. I hope she enjoyed writing it as much as I enjoyed reading it.

As an extension of Adult Children of Alcoholic (ACA or ACoA)
or family counseling, this book helps clients and professionals better understand how the family of origin could cause life problems and shows how to overcome these challenges. The book is an easy read and hard to put down if one is interested in this issue.

This book can change lives. It talks about things that we don't dare mention, and it validates our emotions. A definite must read for all adults as it helps us to know how to interact with emotionally immature people in general.

This book is a tool that helped me. If you read it I believe it may help you to. This book helped me understand what my role was as a child, and what other people's rolls and responsibilities were. It has helped guide me to be present now.

I still can't believe how much I can relate with a lot of what is being said here, there is one chapter that feels like was written with a copy of what my life has entailed so far.
Completely recommended, with this I've realized how much of a broken man I am

I read this book in one night on kindle. I could’ve written this book myself as an autobiography because it was so accurate. Incredibly validating. Good exercises on working on yourself. I’ll probably order a paper copy.

Dr. Lindsey Gibson has written a most useful book for those wanting to better understand how the emotional weaknesses of parents can be wounding to their children. Whether readers are professionals or individuals searching for themselves, this book shines a light on those dark places of childhood experience and the information is amazingly helpful. It is well written and researched with the material easy to read. She weaves personal stories and exercises into the presentation of her topic and raises the reader's awareness, allowing them to identify their own experience, bring healing to their inner life and relationships, and finally identifying the qualities of an emotionally healthy person. What a gift Dr. Gibson has given us!

I really enjoyed reading this book and the journey of self discovery I embarked upon! It is a very eye opening book for those who find themselves in this situations. It’s excellent for self help and even coaching others through their own emotional awareness!

It's made me aware that what I was feeling was not wrong and that it was possible for a different outcome in my life. Such a great experience reading this book and learning how to grow into a newly emotionally healthy person.

Lindsay Gibson has not done her homework, not read the relevant litterature on this topic. The book is terrible.

Instead of using psychological concepts accepted and debated amongst developmental psychologist for decades, Gibson is using her own vague ideas about "deep emotions" versus "emotional immaturity" A glance at the litterature list shows clearly its not an academic book. Lindsey Giibson is more or less talking about herself and her therapeutic case stories with no link what so ever to modern academic psychology. Attachment theory from Bowlby/Ainsworth are very important even today in order to understand parenthood fully, Gibson ignores this completly. The attachment behavior system is an important concept in attachment theory because it provides the conceptual linkage between ethological models of human development and modern theories on emotion regulation and personality. Gibson forgets that.

Other Modern scientific important ressearch about parenting styles is also ignored. Sociological factors like powerty, lack of education, etc are left out also, why? Diana Baumrind is a researcher who focused on the classification of parenting styles, she is important and also she is totally ignored in this book.

My guess is that Lindsey C. Gibson just wants to portrait herself as a therapist, she has not done her homework and read about different kinds of parenting. Bowlbys books is a much better buy if this topic is interesting for you. There is substantial scientific ressearch about the topic, its ignored in this book. developmental Psychology is not smalltalk, this book is.

When we think of damaging parents, we often think of the obvious or sensational. We feel that if we weren't the victims of what we read about in the papers or see on television, we were raised properly - or at least well. Lindsay Gibson, PsyD challenges this perception by crafting personas of the "emotionally immature parent." It's an eye-opening book filled to the brim with, "Oh, I've never thought of it that way..." moments. Her concluding advice stuck with me and challenged me to think about what kind of parent I will be.

The language seemed to harbor a judgmental and accusatory bias against the kinds of parental actions discussed in the book. Ironically, the author exhibited some of the characteristics she describes of the parents discussed in the book. The author describes selfish parents lacking self-reflexivity, but this book does not read as if it comes from a self-reflective place.

For example, the author explains a description of characteristics will be helpful. But I was quite perturbed at the phrasing used, where the author explained that the descriptions were so the reader could know "what" we were dealing with. It could seem that using what to describe people dehumanized the parent objects described in these pages.

The book also "types": parents have 4 types, and children come in 2 types. The author's language suggests a preference for the "internalizer" child. I found this off-putting because (1) I believe typing people is reductive and fails to appreciate subtley, and (2) I believe a psychology book should not be biased.

The book's biases overshadowed any good this book may have been able to do for me. I was unable to accept Dr. Gibson's advice because she brought many judgments to the book.

She heavily implies in the first few chapters that people with chemical imbalances are selfish. Seeing as most people who were parentified will end up with depression, anxiety, or other chemical imbalances, this sorta feels like she's attacking the victim of abuse. She later flat out says that people with chronic pain are self-absorbed. Again, continued trauma and stress wear down your body making chronic pain a likely situation. She is directly attacking the victims of childhood trauma. I have no idea who she thinks this is supposed to help considering no one can come out of that sort of environment completely mentally healthy.

I'm only halfway through this book at the moment. The thing that bugs me is that throughout (so far), the author assumes the reader is sensitive to sensations that I associate with a relatively high level of emotional awareness . From my own personal experience, this assumption is wrong. From previous reading, she's nearly alone in assuming this, unless she's writing to a very very feminine audience. And it isn't stated anywhere that she'd writing for a feminine audience.

She seems to hide all of these assumptions inside the word "internalizers" which she defines as people who don't look to others to solve their problems (roughly). I don't see how that can then transmute into "people who have a lot of emotional sensitivity and self awareness".

If you're looking for a perspective that will likely be more apt for masculine readers, try this book, written by a man about his male clients: https://www.the store.com/gp/product/B000FC0Q0C/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o09_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I'm also not a friend of the sweeping self-congratulatory descriptions that she bestows upon these internalizers, and it makes a lot of the writing sound like that of a bad diet-fad book from the 1990's, where it is dramatizing the difficulty in achieving your goals. I'm pretty sure if I went to go see Lindsay Gibson as a client, I wouldn't return for a second visit, due to the very sloppy use of language and what looks to me to be her projecting her own traits upon her audience.

I do intend to go a bit further in the book. If I find something useful for a more masculine audience, I'll come back and edit this. I'm hopeful, but I'm not holding my breath.

EDIT: okay, just a few hours after writing what is above, I found the following, regarding what the author calls the "True Self": "It's the source of all gut feelings and intuition, including immediate, accurate impressions of other people. We can use fluctuations in the energy of our true selves as a guidance system to tell us when we're in alignment with a life path that fits us well (Gibson 2000)."

I can't tell how much of that is a direct quote from Gibson, but I can tell how much of it is unsubstantiated meaningless word-salad: about 80%. If this is the quality of the author's sources, I'm not surprised at the amount of gibberish she seems to spout. I bet she wears a lot of crystals. I'm done. I'm going to see if I can get a refund on the purchase price, and, if possible, my afternoon.

EDIT 2: Purchase price refunded, but they couldn't help me with refunding my afternoon. Downgraded from two stars to one star. I don't know where you go to find an editor who would let this be published. Probably to a place where the publish books on homeopathy.

Made me feel like my parents were dangerous sociopaths who were entirely incapable of understanding me or my feelings when really they're just trying to figure it out like the rest of us. If you want my advice, stay away from the self-help books and just keep putting one foot in front of the other (and maybe see a therapist who is actually willing to listen). You'll eventually get where you're going.

I highly recommend this book to those looking to answer why. Why do they act like that? Why do I keep doing this? Why do I have to try so hard to get love and attention? Why do I act like I do? This book gives clear and concise answers to all of these questions and more. It gets to the heart of the matter in an easily comprehensive way. You will find yourself having many an a-ha moment. If you are ready to move forward and learn how to emotionally mature, you may find that this may be the only book you’ll ever have to read. Yes, it’s that good.

I have read many books about the subject so i have good authority to say this book is groundbreaking! No I am not a practicioner in the field of psychology however I am a sufferer and family member with emotionally immature parent(s) which in my mind qualifies me even more. Thank you, thank you, thank you, i believe your sharing of your experiences is truly going to change my life along with millions of others.

Excellent read for anyone interested in self-discovery ! This book can be for anyone, not just those with emotionally immature parents, but also for those with absent parents. I learned a great deal about myself and began reclaiming my life back after reading this book.

If you want to learn about growing up with emotionally immature parents (or being in any type of relationship with these people), then this book is for you. I read it in a day, eating up all the details. I’ve read many self-help books over the years, and this is definitely one of the best organized and most clearly written. Plus, it doesn’t tend to repeat itself over and over as some books do. I enjoyed the structure greatly. The author leads you through the symptoms to the cures, highlighting how adult children can continue to hurt themselves with childhood healing fantasies. I would recommend that anyone read this who is facing these issues. Well done!

This book does an excellent job of highlighting the troublesome feelings that arise when your parent is emotionally absent and of explaining why one might be feeling that way. It covers all the bases, and provides a plan for healthy recovery. Excellent resource for anyone who felt lost growing up and is still trying to figure out why.

This is my first the store book review ever. That’s how impactful this book has been to me. I can’t say enough how this book told my life story and saved my sanity at the same time. For 52 years I’ve struggled with everything written in these pages. Recently my anxiety has been off the charts and this book has given me a peace I’ve never had about the strange relationship my mother and I have always had for as long as I can remember. If Dr. Gibson ever reads this review, I would like to thank you immensely for saving my sanity. The book describes my mother to a T, and also describes myself, the internalizer child. Many of the patient stories were so similar to many of my experiences that it’s uncanny. My desperate search for answers to my situation led me straight to this book, and I’m convinced that it’s a miracle. I’d recommend it to everyone who feels like their feelings never mattered to a parent. And I’d recommend it to anyone who has had their fill of the emotional blackmail, guilt trips, and disloyalty suffered at the hands of a parent who is supposed to provide love, compassion, empathy, and concern.

While this book may be helpful for some, I found that it merely stated the obvious. It didn’t really describe or go into depth about the “immature” person’s perspective. Many times emotional people can express how they feel, but are not particularly skilled at doing so verbally. They may have skills in writing, art, or music. While this is not particularly helpful to the child, it’s something to consider. Overall, the author’s treatment of this topic came off as oversimplified and a bit too matter-of-fact. Not helpful, most kids understand these things intuitively at an early age.

I LOVE this book. It describes my upbringing and adulthood experiences exactly. I mean SPOT ON. This book does give you some good “take aways.” But what I got mostly out of this book was understanding myself, why I am the way I am now, what was heathy and what was unhealthy. I think the first step to overcoming anything is understanding the why. What helped me a lot was someone else reiterating the unhealthy aspects of those behaviors and how I was treated. Since everyone who treated me that way believes that I was the problem if I was not okay with the way they behaved.

This book is amazing. I downloaded it free with Prime and didn't expect much but it got pretty deep. Especially for my husband. We ended up reading it together and having very intimate conversations during the reading. It was a real eye opener for both of us. I love this book and I'm buying the paperback.

If you were raised by emotionally immature parents or live with emotionally immature spouse- this book will teach you how to understand them, protect yourself, and change your unhappy relationship to simply a relatedness.

This book addresses emotionally immature parents but I also appiled this book to other adults in my life. The book doesn’t fix you nor your parents (other adults in your life) but it allows you to understand and live among loved ones whom are emotionally immature.

This book was so wonderful! Packed with scientific evidence, studies, and outcomes regarding relationships with parents and beyond. It shed light on so much from my own childhood, what I carried into adulthood, what I have projected onto my own children though my own emotional immaturity and finally the tools to move into emotional maturity. Bravo! Great book!

So glad I read this book, so helpful I could have just inserted my whole life into it. Finally a clear and concise explanation of my experience that years of therapy never recognized. The problem was not me. Now everything makes sense to me, better late than never. This book is a Godsend.

This book was easy to understand and written in a manner you worked through finding out who you are and what your childhood and the relationship with parents had to do with who you are. If you’re placing yourself in unhappy situations it tells you what you need to do to become happy. A true mirror to face yourself and faults and to accept them and how to change.

As an adult child of an alcoholic father and emotionally neglectful parents, this book truly resonated with me. With dietary and lifestyle changes, along with therapy and reading self help/improvement books such as these, I know I will overcome my past in order to make a better future. This book was very informative. It explains what it says like to grow up with emotionally immature/phobic parents, how to set boundaries with them and how to help yourself to have healthy relationships. I highly suggest this book!