Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix - A Failure of Nerve

Not an easy read and compilers evidently didn't want to edit out too much material. The cost of the book is outrageous for a paperback. But...there is a lot of deep thought and experience there to chew on is short doses.

This book was recommended by my minister to read. At first I'll admit I was taken back by it. What? I don't have nerve? I am anxious was my thought. But as I read the book I was shocked that in fact I was living or am living a life of a chronically anxious family. This book breaks it down into 4 characteristics: reactivity, herding, blame displacement and quick fix mentality. You well be able to see where you are in the characteristics of chronic anxiety. You well also read about the thinking of people in each characteristic. This will be eye opening to you if you are honest with yourself. You may be in denial, but really if you are reading this book, you must want to know how to change. This book is bit one that is an easy read. It will take a little to read it, because you will want to process what you are reading.

I first read Ed Friedman's "Generation to Generation" in 1989. Sadly, I understood little and applied less. Ironically, I was so emotionally fused to so many people that if I followed his suggestions, I would have to change my entire way of living. So I put it back on the shelf -- and paid the price for a couple of decades. Gratefully, in 2002 I began working with a colleague who understood AND practiced Friedman's summary of Bowen famliy systems theory. By God's grace I was able to see healthy boundaries and relationships modeled for me. That led to me read "A Failure of Nerve" in mid-2014. This time I was in a different place mentally - I not only understood what Friedman meant, but I figured out how to practice it in daily life. I'm thankful for Ed Friedman's life, thoughts, and writings. As the bumper sticker says: "Rabbi Jesus saved my soul; Rabbi Friedman saved my ass."

A Failure of Nerve presents a unique approach on leadership among the books I have read on the topic. Friedman concentrates on several themes throughout the book that combine lessons learned from decades of experience and research.

The themes include the necessity of a sense of adventure and the possession of courage in leaders, the importance of self-differentiation, focusing on strengths instead of catering to weaknesses, the destructive nature of relationship triangles and the challenges leaders face among followers.

He highlights some negative practices of leaders in our culture, mainly the over-dependence on data and information and the misplaced emphasis on emphathy over action.

In this book, readers will find practical, simple ways to improve leadership. This book will challenge some of the accepted practices of organizational leadership today and should open readers' eyes to necessities of effective leadership.

All of Friedman's themes are applicable to families, congregations, businesses, government, etc. This is an especially useful book for parents and pastors/rabbis.

The downside of the book is that it was published posthomously, so the last three chapters were collected by colleagues who also edited the book. The effect is that it is not as cogent and concise as it might have been if Friedman had lived long enough to complete the writing himself.

This is a dense book on leadership that is definitely worth the effort of reading, as it will change the way you lead and relate to others.

Craig Stephans, author of Shakespeare On Spirituality: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shakespeare's Plays

I have read a handful of books on leadership, but this is the only one that I've ever really benefited from. The proliferation of materials, books, resources, articles, etc. on leadership is, in fact, explained in _Failure of Nerve_ as a symptom of bad leadership (ch. 3, especially). Being convinced of Friedman's arguments, if someone were to ask me what books they should read to develop their capacity for leadership, I would immediately give them this book and advise caution reading much else. This book summarizes almost all of what it takes to be a great leader, and refutes the junkyards of techniques and information that other leadership models are pushing.
To summarize Friedman's argument in just a sentence, one could say that true leadership is summed up in taking responsibility for one's own self. It is only by a leader's responsibility for his own person that other people are able to manage themselves in ways fitting to their various relationships (for example, as simultaneously employees, parents, children, siblings, t-ball coaches, church elders, etc.).
Friedman identifies 3 "equators" which lead to stifled leadership—that is, three fallacious conceptions which by and large dominate the thinking of Western (especially American) society. These are: data junkyards and junkies (focus on expertise, technique, and information), empathy (focus on the pathologies and shortcomings of others in attempts to solve them), and the fallacy of self (interpreting self-integrity as selfishness and autocracy).
As Friedman explains somewhere in the opening chapters (or introduction?), the way this book was written and "assembled" produces an effect which can be at once very helpful and very frustrating: in some sense, one must read later material before they can fully understand the significance of earlier material. This is helpful because after having finished the book, you can see how all these various pieces of leadership are closely linked and permeate the other aspects; in other words, the persuasive power of the book is greatly strengthened as one sees how these are not all just random thoughts thrown together as the author offers his two cents. On the other hand, this can be understandingly confusing as it may take a while to get a grasp on the concepts and terminology which Friedman employs (or invents) throughout. That being said, if you start reading and are a bit confused, push through it! You will get a clear picture by the end. If I were to find fault with the book, it would be in this. However, given that Friedman died before finishing editing, I suppose we can't fault him for it.
Friedman's book gives plenty of anecdotes to keep the reading interesting. It was far from a dry read (at least for me). Friedman has written another book (which I have not read) consisting of short stories and fables that explicate his leadership principles in story. That imaginative capacity reveals itself in Failure of Nerve.
I am glad to have read this book and would recommend it as my first suggestion to anyone seeking to understand the broad problems of leadership in society down to the narrow problems of leadership in a family or even individual. Ultimately, the problems and solutions to leadership are no different at any level of a society, and Friedman's book offers the key to understanding and reforming leadership on those levels.

This book provides a great application of Bowen family systems theory on a macro level. Having some basic understanding of family systems theory is helpful, but not absolutely necessary, in understanding the concepts of this book. Friedman applies family systems ideas to leadership in ways that will make you think differently about what makes an effective leader (whether it be a President or a parent or any leader in between). For those, like me, who use family systems on a micro level in psychotherapy to help individuals and families function better, seeing how these same family system ideas can also be applied to the "big picture" is eye opening. Friedman's writing style is clear and enjoyable. As a framework to explain his theories on leadership, Friedman uses the cultural mindset that existed in Europe at the time explorers were proposing to set out across the Atlantic to seek new trade routes to Asia. This framework may seem odd and out of place, but is in fact a clever and captivating means for Friedman to explain his theories effectively. The editors of this book also deserve praise in how they astutely updated and stayed true to this unfinished work by Friedman. Whether you are a leader looking for new ideas to become more effective in what you do or simply a person who is just interested in leadership as a cultural concept, this book will inspire you to think differently and question conventional wisdom.

Rabbi Ed Friedman was a groundbreaking scholar in applying Bowen Family Systems Theory to religious worshiping communities (churches and synagogues). "A Failure of Nerve" was to be the capstone of his lifetime work in leading congregations (as a rabbi), consulting congregations and businesses, community relations, teaching, and writing. Sadly, Ed Friedman died before he could finish "A Failure of Nerve." However, his children and colleagues collaborated in bringing this work to publication anyway--publishing the material Friedman had already written and turning his remaining notes into narrative. The result is a stinging critique of our American leader-crushing culture and a call-to-arms for leaders to transform our culture.

The first part of "A Failure of Nerve" provides an analysis of leadership--how leaders come into being, their mindset, their makeup, and the challenges they face. He heavily emphasizes the leader's thirst for adventure and their high regard for curiosity. He argues that the adventure-and-curiosity values of (primarily) Columbus, along with Luther, Calvin, Copernicus, Shakespeare, and others brought the world from Dark Ages to Renaissance. Were it not for Columbus et. al's leadership, sense of adventure, self-differentiated nature, and willingness to risk failure, the world would not quickly have gone from the highly-anxious leader-poor Dark Ages to the less-anxious leader-rich Renaissance. Unfortunately, Friedman argues, current western culture more resembles the Dark Ages than the Renaissance with regard to leadership.

Friedman argues that Western cultural values (e.g. the propensity to avoid leadership by immersing one's self in a sea of books and data; the fear of offending other people; the societal value of empathy; the fear of strong personalities, calling them narcissistic and autocratic instead of full of integrity and individuality) need to be challenged by some of the boldest of leaders so that more leaders can follow suit. He argues that the very thing that made the people of the Renaissance apt to become adventure-seeking heroes--rapid change--has now created so much instability that societal anxiety and undifferentiated persons run amok. The result is that potential leaders are sabotaged, worn down, and discouraged for ever attempting to lead in bold, new ways.

The solution, Friedman argues in the book's second part, is not simply less-anxious, highly-differentiated, highly-connected leadership...but also the steely backbone necessary to lead. Leaders in these ensuing generations need to stand up to the pressure to conform like no other generation of leaders; they will need to be bold, integrity-rich personalities in the face of opposition; they will have to stand firm and face weak less-differentiated opponents who somehow have claimed the moral high-ground. The result of this Columbus-like leadership may very-well be a new age of highly-differentiated leaders and a transformed American culture.

While this book does present excellent ideas, these ideas remain unrefined. Friedman's groundbreaking work, "Generation to Generation" was characterized by a playfulness and engagement with the reader that is absent in "A Failure of Nerve." The result is a darker, more pessimistic book. Further, the vast majority of this book defines the problem in modern America. The solutions--by far the more important part of the book--was left unfinished at Friedman's death and is thus much shorter and much less-developed. It was as if Friedman was building up to a crescendo...but then died before the apex of his thoughts. The reader is much poorer for this untimely death.

While inferior to "Generation to Generation," Friedman does provide many, many excellent points worthy of reading and digesting. While Friedman writes, "...I will be quite content if all I have succeeded in accomplishing is to supply this century's best candidate for book burning (28)," this book need not be burned. It should be discussed, taken to heart, and turned to often by those who have a strong desire to lead in their communities and countries...by those who have a vision for a possible future and are willing to risk their reputations, their fortunes, and their relationships for the good of others.

Although it is lacking in polish and development, the raw material is well, well worth a thorough read...or two...or three.

This book is very helpful for anyone in a leadership role or anyone who is interested in taking on a leadership role. I come back to it and reference it regularly. Friedman provides a practical and easily applicable framework for approaching and solving problems in relationships. I really enjoy books that draws conclusions that are so clear that, with hindsight, seem. An excellent read worth every penny. It is the "Dark Souls" of books.

There is no scientific basis for the many analogies to evolution, cancer biology, immunology, and virology. Unfortunately, these pseudoscientific analogies are used to support treating people in harsh, disrespectful ways. As a scientist and a teacher, I cannot endorse the false information presented in this book.

Note: This review originally appeared as a "You Be the Critic" column in the Rochester NY Democrat & Chronicle, 5/8/07:

In 20 years of coaching executives, I've read scores of books on leadership. I continue to return to Edwin Friedman as the most insightful, realistic analyst of the dynamics that occur in the emotional soup we call the workplace.

This book is not for the faint of heart. As the title implies, the antidote to a failure of nerve is courage. Courage becomes necessary once a leader begins to shift his/her own participation in the brokenness of the organization - e.g., to finally address a performance issue with a key employee. With this commitment to decisive, mature action, reactions are inevitable. Thus the need for courage: to persist in the face of those reactions.

Leaders will discover keys to recognize the emotionality that contaminates all decision-making processes, and what is required to provide clear, decisive, well-defined action. Friedman offers a treasure trove of tools, concepts and principles (e.g., five characteristics of a highly anxious system) to help leaders diagnose complex situations and to determine what is helpful and what is harmful.

Perhaps his most crucial contribution is the insistence that the leader focus on self: that is, in order to create transformation in a system, the leader needs to identify his/her participation in the present dynamic, and focus on altering his/her own role. Again, courage is a requirement here, but thankfully, focus on self diminishes the stress inherent in attempting to change others.

While the later chapters are sketchy (Friedman died before completing the text), they hold intriguing snippets - insights into the workings of our organizations and the challenges of leadership.

As with his other writings (e.g., "Friedman's Fables"), his insights are universal, and leaders will find application as much to their personal/family systems as to their work. His witty style punctuates "heavy" insight with a human and humorous twist that gives the challenges a pleasing flavor.

Frank Staropoli

President, Staropoli Consulting, Inc.

This is what one expects of Edwin Friedman if you have read Generation to Generation or are familiar with his work elsewhere. If this is your first experience of reading his insights, you might have to reread spots because there is much to think about. I was affirmed in my own understanding of leadership throughout each chapter. Leadership can no longer be seen as a top down, hierarchical directing of others. One must be within the system if one is going to influence it. Yet, one's own sense of self or self-differentiation is that which anchors one amidst the storms that will come. Good leadership will bring tension to the system and, as well, draw those who wish to sabotage growth, consciously or sub-consciously. Any group, as a living organism, tries to maintain the emotional balance of what has been experienced in the past. Anything or anyone that upsets that, a necessity for growth, is not seen as welcome. I would recommend this book to all who wish to reflect on their leadership. But be forewarned, there is a cost in knowing one's self and being honest. There are no quick fixes, just a new reality and paradigm of what it means to lead.

I started out wondering if this book would be too technical, but the way it was edited and structured, it soon became the best book on leadership I have ever read. It came at the subject from a totally fresh and new perspective- one that I had not thought of. When I finished it I thought, "This is so simple- why has everyone missed this view of leadership?"
Great book. How do we get it into the government's hands? They need it badly.

Ed Friedman is sorely missed but this particular volume is a fantastic tribute to his quality of thought. Drawing from history, medicine, politics, and his own 4 decade career as a rabbi and counselor, Ed's thoughts transform our understanding of leadership. His concept of "self" reminds every parent or president that knowing where you are is perhaps the single most important concern.

Thanks Ed, and thanks Bethesda

Friedman is not rehashing old work here. This is a new application of the Bowen Family Systems work as applied to leadership within the culture. I think his insights on anxiety in the culture are right on, and as always there is more hope where there is more understanding.
I recommend this to book to preachers, teachers, writers and analysts because these insights are distinctive and helpful.

Despite a winsome emphasis on adventure, playfulness and paradox, Friedman's scientific extrapolations and historical analogies are plodding and misleading.

Yet despite much foolishness, Friedman does have wise things to say about leadership. This is a book to savor, not for its dialectical grasp of its subject matter, but for its often valid and valuable gnomic utterances.