How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships - Boundaries in Dating

This has great information on how to "kick the tires" when you are dating. Instead of just schmoozing someone, Cloud encourages you to know yourself and check out the other person's reactions to who you are. Investing emotionally in a relationship is risky business. Cloud helps you look for the signs that indicate the person your are dating will treat your heart well.

This book is a must read for all Chrisitian singles who are dating for marriage. The insight and forsight will absolutely change the trajectory of your dating life. I'm considering purchasing more as holiday gifts.

Cheap and interesting read. I like how the Christian mindsets and prayers come into play through this book. As a Christian I do enjoy how religion comes into play even in relationships. Thanks JESUS! LOVE U.

I really enjoyed this book. Both authors did a very good job of giving real scenarios in dating. They also offered very practical advise. There was no sense of over romanticized view of Christian dating. Dating is a vehicle for learning not just marriage. I'm glad that was emphasized in the book. I recommend this book for those in the dating scene already not for people who are single and looking. Single folks will have to look elsewhere.

I thought this was a really good book. It's best to read this book before getting into a relationship. I saw myself in many of the comparisons and wish I had worked more on my growth before getting into a relationship.

This book was life changing. Coming out of an abusive situation which led to a divorce, I knew I needed help if I were ever to marry again! I figured that it was best to figure out why the abuse happened, as well as what I had done wrong in my choice of mate. This book was SO insightful that I wish it had been in print before my first marriage.

As it happens, I got into a dating relationship much sooner than I had expected. I had figured that I needed at LEAST 2 years to regroup before even planning to begin dating again. "Fate" had other plans. I got into a very bizarre and abusive dating relationship with a man who was unlike anyone I had ever known in that he manipulated me, lied, and had the gall to accuse me of trying to control him! Soon I began to feel those awful, trapped feelings from before.

I kept trying to step back and just slow things down (since he wanted to date me AND someone else at the same time and I happen to think one should be patient enough to date only one person at a time for the sake of other people's feelings). Part of the reason it felt so exhausting was the way he would talk about really wanting to marry me and then in the next breath tell me about a date he planned with the other gal he was just starting to see. When I challenged him about the hypocrisy and cruelty of playing with my feelings, he would accuse me of being controlling. When I tried to just be "coffee friends" until he decided how he felt about the other gal, he would accuse me of being controlling and not wanting the best for his son and himself. God had to finally wrest him away from me by having him dump me without telling me and then find out in a month or so that he was planning to marry yet a different gal in 4 months. Praise God for His mercy AND for THIS BOOK!

After the fact I read this book and it was like a bolt of lightning sending me back to reality. NO, it hadn't been wrong for me to tell him how I only felt comfortable dating one person at a time and only dating people who felt the same way. YES, I had been right to be bothered by the "little" lies he told me about his whereabouts. And YES, I was really wrong to have felt so desperate that I was so unattractive and getting old so fast (at 44--LOL) that I was not taking the time to think things through and to insist on an equal footing in our relationship.

I have given a copy of this book to several people, including to my own handsome but single sons:)

My story has a happy ending in that several months after the end of that nutty relationship I met a very honest, polite, considerate, generous, kind, affectionate, hard working man who just adores me:) It was a whirlwind romance, but the RIGHT kind. We are coming up on our 4th wedding anniversary and the 5th anniversary of our first email and first date. God is good and this book is the kind of great advice one would hope to get from BOTH one's mother and father (if one were smart enough to LISTEN to them--LOL).

I recommend this as essential, insightful reading for guys and gals from age 12 to age 100! If you follow these guidelines I can almost guarentee that you will NEVER get yourself into another abusive relationship. Just make sure that YOU are the same kind of person that the book discusses so that you may bless your date as well as he/she may bless you! Happy dating:)

This is ALSO a great book for picking out your friends! These authors have written several other great books such as Changes That Heal, Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries With Children, and a book which I think is called 12 Things That Can Drive You Crazy. God bless you!

I didn't find this book helpful. I really like Boundaries and Beyond Boundaries, but this book didn't provide any useful information on dating. I still don't understand their notion of dating multiple people at the same time. It sounds like what they're discussing is having multiple male-female friendships and spending time with them, not dating. I personally wouldn't ever date a man who was dating multiple women in addition to me for months. That is a recipe for disaster. I don't think the authors understand what the dating world is like now. It's nothing like it was when they were in their 20's and 30's, so their advice is very outdated and harmful. I personally think it's difficult to truly be friends with a man if he finds you at all attractive. You can read research on the topic which supports that truly platonic male-female relationships are very rare. The men whom I've dated with female friends weren't able to have platonic relationships with them. Either they were flirting with them, crossing emotional boundaries, or cheating with them physically. I don't agree with the ideas in this book at all.

I should have read the note from the author and not only the book description. This is a Christianity book and I was quite shocked about messages about "you should not have non-Christian friends" or date someone from another faith. I thought I was going to read a self-help book based on psychology, not based on religion. If you are Christian and living by Christian values and words, than you might appreciate it. For me, I had to stop reading when dating all became about God...

I read the description of this book and thought it would be appropriate for me. This is clearly geared to those who are very religious as every other word is God. This is not what was noted in the description and while I believe in God I am not a religious fanatic. In fairness the authors of these books should be clear that the books are geared toward Those who are very religious.

I felt ripped off and will give these books away.

I have never given a negative review to a book before. If I don't like it I just move on so this will be my first.

If you believe in dating multiple people, if you believe in just dating for the sake of dating and you can't seem to stop dating the wrong people then this book is for you. Go for it and buy it you will love it.

However if you don't believe in dating multiple people, if you believe you should only date when considering marriage. If you are a devoted Christian looking to date or dating a devoted Christian then this book will be completely useless to you. Depending on your past experience you might get 1% out of this book.

I have had some experience with dating multiple people. I can only state I did it in way that made me proud and that I never crossed any boundaries. However love is not about what you can get but about what you can give. And when I put myself in my dates shoes I realized that dating multiple girls is not the most loving thing to my dates.

Real love goes beyond I'm right. It goes down to thinking of how I'm making the other person feel. Is what I'm doing making the other person feel loved and precious. Dating multiple people is not a good way of making someone feel loved and precious.

I feel like this book motto is "I'm a mess you are a mess let's find a way to make this mess work this is the world we live in."

If you are a mess please sort yourself out before looking to date. You will be surprised that when you sort yourself out it's easier to attract the right people because you know what a right person looks like because you are one. If you are a mess even if you find the right person you will mess it up anyway.

Hope this helps someone. Generally speaking their other books on boundaries are pretty awesome.

I had read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" years ago and really appreciated Joshua Harris encouraging me to put God first in every area of my life including finding who I would marry. Now I have teenagers and I'm helping them grow in this are so I thought I would check out"Boundaries" to see if I could gain more told and insight for them. I haven't read very far yet, but I have been greatly disappointed. The first chapter is spent criticizing Joshua Harris. Why? I just don't see the value in that. I was hoping to read things I could use to encourage my kids with not stuff to confuse them. The bottom line is that no"system of rules" will work if God isn't first in our lives. A point which both authors make. So my main criticism is since both books are going towards the same goal, why make it seem like they are presenting opposing views?

As always Cloud and Townsend are excellent
This book walks a person through the steps and issues related to dating in relation to setting healthy boundaries
(which is what you expect, right?)
In my opinion the book favors the woman's point of view with emphasis on couching a woman through not getting pushed around in a dating circumstance - and I will grant that Cloud and Townsend to utilize male examples and attempt to portray the issues a man might be facing - but let's face it men have more options and are much more able to leave a dating situation becaus in our culture men do the asking and although women are allowed this option few take advantage of it.
The book is really just a lot of thinking things through and in my opinion doesn't really get to the real issues
until the chapter much later in the book regarding physical intimacy (sex for those of you who would rather use that term).
Now you should understand that Cloud and Townsend view themselves are speaking to the evangelical christian audience and so their chapter on the physical part of a dating relationship reverberates the conservative christian teachings that the Bible says that sex should be reserved only for marriage (and marriage only between a man and a woman).
This is where I think Dr. Could will loose a lot of people - even evangelical Christians - because the truth is (and this is not just my opinion) the Bible doesn't actually say sex before marriage is forbidden - there is language in the Bible which assumes couples are not having sex before marriage because in the culture during the times the Bible was written that was the norm - but there is also examples in the Bible of people having sex outside of marriage and it is not strictly condemned - but certainly it is good advice to treat sex with careful consideration in a dating relationship - but perhaps not to the extent of excluding it prior to marriage - especially when there is no clear commandment in the scripture which indicates this
Could and Townsend would have been much more helpful to everyone including evangelical Christians if they had written much more extensively guiding a person through all the intricacies of the physical part of a relationship and the psychological and emotional things a person is subject to in relation to this part of a relationship - but they more or less bailed and went with the conservative teachings of evangelical christianity

I absolutely love the quick shipment. It was great. I got the books sooner than I expected, which made me super happy. I love the quality of the books, they are absolutely new looking, there's nothing wrong with them. Thank you so much for your great service! ^^

The picture is very deceiving because the book I was expecting turned out to be the old version. Please put the actual picture of the product I am getting. It could have saved me money. I still had to purchase the updated version.

Book arrived in lightening speed time. Not marked or abused, but pages a little yellow on edges. I thought it was going to be "new". This was a gift for friend. I have not read it, but I have read other books by this author and I would bet it is a good reference for said topic.

I was sort of peeved that I didn't read this book sooner, definately could have helped me avoid so many relational disasters. Some parts of the book were painful but oh so necessary to read. It helped me make real changes in my thinking and behavior and gave me a terrific insight into what to look for in those I date.

I read and RE-read so much of this book, it's pages are dog-eared. You won't regret buying this one. It helped me greatly. I'm now happily married and my husband and I both read this book prior to finding each other. Needless to say, we had much to talk about when we did finally meet and this book was at the center of it.

Book arrived in lightening speed time. Not marked or abused, but pages a little yellow on edges. I thought it was going to be "new". This was a gift for friend. I have not read it, but I have read other books by this author and I would bet it is a good reference for said topic.

Christian to the gag-me point. It does not explain this. Does not give realistic boundary advice (WWJD is NOT useful psychological advice, sorry.) If you're looking for real information on developing healthy boundaries in dating (or anywhere else) get a different book!

I started reading this book and was immediately shocked to read bible verses and references to god. I looked all over the cover for something labeling this book as a religious text, but there is nothing.

It is completely unnecssisary and disturbing to have god referred to over and over and specific bible verses quoted in a psychological self-help book. It's as if the authors don't think they can convince us of the truth of what they are saying on their own and they have to refer to the bible every couple of pages for us to accept what they are saying.

I am very disappointed that this is not labeled as a religious book. The advice seems to be sound, but it is unreadable if you don't believe in the judeo-christian bible. That would have been fine if the cover had been up-front about the religious slant in the text, but as is it undermines the whole thing.

I agree with the review, "Misleading to the secular reader," from June 24, 2005. The book does not explicitly acknowledge its Christian orientation and it can be disarming to secular readers (God is mentioned at least a dozen times on nearly every page, so its an explicit religiosity). However, that Christian orientation doesn't change the insight of the book, which isn't revolutionary but its dense and well written.

My advice is to get the book and find your own substitute for "God." For instance, I substitute "Rock n Roll" for "God" and "musicality" for "spirituality." (you might choose something that is important to you - liberalism, education, animal liberation, cooking, it all works). Not only does it still make sense, it actually makes the book more fun to read during those moments when it gets out of my range (i.e. when it discusses sex, which is probably the place where Christianity has the hardest time vibing with my worldview).

I've been reading through a slew of dating books lately, and this one was a welcome surprise.

Not only did the authors take exception to Joshua Harris' "I kissed dating goodbye" book (as I have) but they hit the nail on the head about what exactly it is that makes people bad at dating. Namely, the WAY people date and the lack of boundaries they give themselves from the beginning.

I support their ideas about establishing rules and creating a safe environment for your heart, and the heart of your dating partner. Most chapters are accompanied by a story that illustrates their point, so it doesn't read like two guys' blanket opinions. There are a lot of good ideas here. We are called to guard our hearts and I like them, feel that people are far too quick to fritter theirs away to someone who might not be willing to protect and cherish the gift that it is.

Overall though, I'd give this a three out of five because I did find it to be a bit repetitive. I felt like they presented an idea clearly, but then often followed it with four or five different ways of saying the same thing. That being said, the information is worth repeating and as someone who has greatly struggled with boundaries in the past, it was a nice refreshing look at relationships and how they can quickly go off course, and how to correct that ahead of time for the future.

This is a great book. It defines what single Christians need to do when dating. The author clearly states what he means and doesn't skirt around issues. Even as a 30-yr-old woman, I need to be reminded that there are boundaries that I must set - to not only protect myself when dating but to be the responsible, respectable Christian woman that I am and that I was raised to be. I think this would be a great read for any single male or female who is dating or even thinking about dating. It is never too late (or too early) to establish boundaries in dating!

This book was very insightful in my understanding of when to say hey nay, or yay. I enjoyed it the content was pretty right on for me. I've met some wonderful women along the way that sometimes needed a different response than I gave. Giving me a much faster key to understand how or why I should proceed.

This is a great book for older teens and adults but this new cover IS AWFUL. Makes it look like a woman's book when it is really just as appropriate for men and women. My male patients don't want to buy it or carry it because of the cover. Go back to the old cover or something more neutral please!!!

This is the most amazing book. These guys combine so much practical wisdom, so much insight into relationships. The idea that I should be sharing my opinions, preferences, likes--whether in music, politics, clothing, whatever ... the idea that I should be sharing this directly with someone as part of defining my boundaries is simply revolutionary to me.

Somewhere along the way, I started holding back on my opinions and preferences when meeting new people. That creates two problems: one, people do not get to see or get to know who I am, what I really like, what I don't like. So I am stifling myself, keeping folks at a distance. Two, others who want to find me (who like my preferences, etc. or who simply want to know me better) can get this information more quickly when I share it early on. There's so many other insights here about wisely choosing partners, about assuming responsibility for your relationships.

I'm going to read more of these guys' books.

One note--I delayed reading this book because of the Christianity. When I finally picked it up and gave it fair reading, I saw that the Christianity is extremely ecumenical and open. The authors quote passages from the Bible in ways that reinforce common sense and common insights from psychology and psychotherapy and relationships. No guilt or judgmental thing going on ... If you're not Christian, I think you still might like this book.

I am eager to begin to practice some of this stuff.

This book was really good for me in how it brought up examples that so closely reflect real situations and give such good insight to the psychology behind them and how we act/react. It was super super helpful. It's pretty heavy in biblical references, but even if you're not religious, the actually psychology insight is something I think everyone whose dating should know.

This book was a homework assignment by my therapist. Even as a non religious person I enjoyed reading this book. It does make some very insightful points about how and why certain patterns in the dating arena are created by your own as well as the other person's actions, thoughts, and feelings. If you want to gain a deeper understanding about what is necessary in order to come to a successful dating experience this book is a good read.

I enjoyed this book from end to end. The authors covered all the basis: from how to incorporate God into your dating, looking at personal inadequacies before engaging in a God-centered relationship, keeping your self-respect, and knowing the difference between "settling" or compromising with someone that could be a potential best friend for life.

Although some of the topics, to some degree, were not pertinent to my life, they were, however were good reads and reference points for the future. I don't think that these boundaries are necessarily just for romantic relationships. These ideas can easily be related to interpersonal friendships.

Dr. Cloud's book is excellent! He uses easygoing conversational language that keeps the reading light. I am reading and discussing this title with my girlfriend and it has led to some fun/interesting conversations. Through sharing this book we have learned much about each other, grown individually and grown as a couple.

The author also uses caring language and helps you understand mistakes you may have made or continue to make in relationships. Dr. Cloud may confirm your thoughts and leanings or give you better and newer understanding of why we do what we do in our dating relationships.

Just to put it out there - I really found truth in this entire book. Truth that I'm very excited about. But one particular chapter spoke to me.

I'm a 21 year old female who has really struggled with maintaining a Christian lifestyle while dating. Sex is so degraded in today's society (at least among my peers) that it was difficult for me not to fall into this mentality that sex isn't worth as much as I thought it was. I've never dated a Christian before and in my past relationships, I had trust issues. And because of this chapter, I finally realize why.

"In a long-term relationship, you want to be with a person who knows that they are not God and always places themselves in a position of submitting to God...If that person is the ruler of his or her own soul, what is going to stop him?...Trust a person who trusts God."

I don't think Cloud & Townsend could have said it better.

When the authors led me through the explanation for why sex is so sacred and what happens if we do not obey God's command to refrain from it until marriage, I was seriously rejoicing at the truth of their words.

What a marvelous gift God has given married couples!

This is a great book on setting boundaries in a relationship which helps you determine if the person you are dating has the same values and principles as you, in other words Christian values. I recommend this book for anyone that is currently in a relationship. However, a great book I found to find the right relationship before you get involved is Love (You Deserve Better: Tips & Steps on Finding Mr. Right). Thank you for writing this valuable resource.

This is really a great book to help you look at yourself and make changes. It helped me to recognize some of my own shortcomings. I was able to practice and work on rebuilding myself in the areas as needed. The book isn't just for married people but any relationship you may have in life. I have applied to my work relationship as well as dealing with family members. It's worth the read.

This book is great. The bible says a something about a city without walls or a person with no restraint is like a city without walls, that can be easily beseiged.or in other words any one can just come in and out of your ife and reeck havoc. This book gave me the courage to stand for what i always knew i wanted in a relationship but was afraid of loosing the person if i said anything. i always thought i would be the one loosing out but instead i have discovered that is it was a test of my love for the other person, causing me to have the courage to face the truth of the situation and hold my ground, while still respecting the other person in love and a spirit of truth.

God used this book for me to want the best for the other person inspite of the discomfort i was feeling denying my flesh from getting its way. Or should i say from doing the things i had always done which ended up no where. My flesh was fighting this new thing, this new method. it was a fight, it hurt but i made it by the grace of God and i see how God was protecting me all the way as well.

It really allowed me to love my self enough and not inflict self harm to my heart pretending or in some cases ignoring the facts coz of fear of being alone. By the grace of God i tackled and confronted things i would have just buried and become bitter about. i feel so free and i really feel like i deserve true love and an honest relationshop because i have set the tone for how i want the relatioship i will be in, to be. i hope this review helps you. The book keeps it real and is well balanced, just like Jesus is

GOD TAUGHT ME, THAT WHAT IS BEST FOR THE MAN I LOVE NOW WILL BE BEST FOR ME IN THE LONG RUN. This temporary discomfort cant compare to the joy we will share because of the boudaries we put up not to hinder us but to protect us.

Wow, it took me two weeks to finish this book [and that's reading it every day!!] - why? I had to read some lines over and over until they fully sunk in .. that's the type of book it is, so full of wisdom and jewels .. I wish I had it for all my past relationships! BUT the good thing is that I am fully prepared and would do well in any 'serious' relationship and MARRIAGE that I am to commit to - I can't wait to find someone that has GOOD CHARACTER as is willing to work on being a life mate and to please God ... wow! a MUST HAVE for anyone ready for a life time commitment!

And life it not always about black and white. Life does not fit into our nice little boxes we have created for ourselves.

I liked this book, as I like most books, who do not depend on legalism for how to live life. Jesus didn't say THOUGH SHALT NOT DATE or THOUGH SHALL DATE. He just said to seek Him and all will be added. Does that include a marriage partner? For most people yes. God has created us with a drive, part of that is sexual, to be in relationship with other people. I liked this book a lot because after I read it, I did not feel guilty about being who I am and what I desired. I frankly felt very guilty for being female and having asked men out on dates back in the day after having read "I kissed dating goodbye."

In all of life we need boundaries, for our children, our marriages and all of our relationships. This includes in dating. You know where you stand, what you can handle. Proverbs says, Guard you heart. It does need to be guarded, but don't miss out on what could be a lot of fun because of fear bred into you. If you can't handle being on a date alone with someone because your sexual desires overwhelm you, then know that about yourself and watch it. That is what I liked this book. Not full of legalisms and full of advice to those that have been there.

Extremely helpful! Great book to refer back to for anyone. Have re-read it three times and will probably utilize this book for a very long time. Easy to understand not to overwhelming like most self help books. I will be purchasing the other books in the series hopefully really soon!

This book is great and lays out the exact boundaries when it comes to Christian dating as I never heard it explained before. I appreciate the Spirit-led insight shared in this book and highly recommend it. This book reminds me of another book I read recently How To Date and Stay Saved: God's Way of Christian Dating Revealed The author of this book is an unmarried single woman who gives Biblical references on how it is possible to meet, date and marry someone until after saying "I Do" Not only does she give plenty of Scriptural insight like this book, she also gives her own personal examples of how God has kept her a virgin while dating, more great insight into the dating process and boundaries which are to be discussed up front, and accounts of 12 married couples who were abstinent until marriage, in spite of their sexual pasts - they share exactly how they did it. Both of these books were great additions to my library. I'm excited in knowing that I can be encouraged and receive Scripturally-based instruction during my current season of singleness.

Dating is a very difficult thing to do in our society, especially as Christians. This book provides an excellent outline for Christian singles. Dating isn't the problem, it's the people doing the dating that mess it up. If done correctly, dating can provide us with excellent social skills and friendships. This book is a must read for all singles who are looking to be healthy in their dating. Definitely 5 stars A great supplement to this book is Safe People. Cloud and Townsend are fabulous and have been given a great gift.

Someone bought this book for me 16 years ago. I picked it up out of the garage. It helped me verbalize a lot of my current beliefs. This is a solid guide to dating. It will protect you. It will help you communicate. It will guard your heart from unnecessary pain. Highly recommend.

Let's just say I've been dating for a while now and this book made me explore areas that I'd not considered before, especially my dating patterns! Helped me to realize I had some faulty wiring and I feel that I'll be better equipped to allow safe people and disallow destructive people from getting closer to me. I have a positive outlook on dating now and realize my own responsiblity to remain true to my own boundaries.

This is an excellent starting point for dating for anyone! Loads of good advice that everyone needs to know but that we don't somehow bring to the conscious mind at the time when it really matters. I think, though, to understand what creates our behaviour in relationships in the first place, you would be well-advised to also read Fit for Love: Find Your Self and Your Perfect Mate. This helps you deal with the subconscious programming that sabotages your efforts in relationships and that compromises your boundaries.

There is no doubt dating can be many things. Fun, joyous, and a time of growing, but it can also be painfull, awekward, and confusing.

While reading this book and applying the principles laid out inside won't make a dater's life perfect it will give someone who is(or will be) dating a great guide to help avoid the many pitfalls of dating relationships.

Really, though many of these principles can be used in all relatinhips.

To me, as a Chritian single man, I found this book priceless!

I was afarid to read this one.because in this day and age who's setting aside boundaries? CHRISTIANS!! It really spoke to me and showed me all my past errors and how i am able to overcome them.

I also learned: when you set boundaries you can tell who's into you and who's not.

I am a big fan of the material in this book. I think it is one of the best resources available today for understanding the give and take of intimate relationships, and where each of you begins and ends. I've seen too many people settle or lose their own identity because they didn't understand what was happening in their relationship.

Excellent Book. I read their other book "How to get a date worth keeping" first. That totally did a paradigm shift for me on dating. This book really goes into explaing why dating relationships go bad and how to identify the warning signs and how and when to confront a dating partner and what issues are central to a healthy dating relationship. A super good book. You will understand what it means to have a healthy dating relationship. These concepts can be used in a marriage also. If you want a healthy real dating relationship, this book is the one to get. I've had a number of my friends read both books and we love them both!!!

Boundaries in dating is a very good book. It provides many examples of problems in relationships and how they are worked out. This book gives good evidence to support dating, but it also gives good reasons when dating should be put off. It helps people in relationships to get through conflicts, and it helps others avoid conflicts in future relationships. This book is a great guide for those who are looking to start better relationships with new people, and those who are looking to give their old relationship a new start. I really enjoyed this book and I thought it was very helpful. I learned a lot about dating, and how certain problems in a relationship might be my fault instead of my partners. I recommend this book to every male and female, single or not. It will answer many questions about conflicts and boundaries in dating today.

My Christian teenage daugher has many Christain friends who have bought TOTALLY into the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. One of them gave the book to her in order (I think) to set her straight. She is a very bright, fun, thoughtful young lady who has dated and had some very good experiences with it and also rough experiences. She and I both read the book and discussed it together. It left her very distressed. She was made to feel like dating was a sin and yet, she couldn't really understand (Biblically) why. I, too, was very bothered by the legalistic approach of that book.
I went in search of a resource to clarify things for both my daughter and myself. I found this book and read it first before giving it to my daughter (no need to set her up for more confusion!) This book gives a wonderful and clear outline on the purposes and values of dating. It is biblically-based and sound in its information. My daughter is about halfway through reading it and as we discuss it, she is constantly saying, "now this makes sense". I especially appreciate the empasis placed on the issue of maturity in dating and how God can use dating (if done within His boundaries) to grow her into a mature Christian woman who will have the ability to make a wise decision when the time comes for her to marry.
She plans to share this book with all of her friends!

I recommend this book to singles that I counsel. In today's culture, developing a healthy relationship with the opposite sex is vital. I have counselled too many young people that have ignored the Biblical requirements for healthy relating and suffer hurtful or harmful consequences. If you are single - read this book. If you have a son or daughter ready to date or actively dating - share it with her or him. In fact, read it together and discuss the content.

I'm teaching this book to the adult singles class. We have been bless by this book, excellent reading. I encourage others to read and study to show yourself approve unto God. Healing and Growing!! Thank YOU!

Boundaries in Dating is a must read for anyone who is in the dating stage of their lives. I am recently divorced and I found this book helpful in reminding me and teaching me how to date again. I wish I read this book before I met my ex husband because there was so much in the book that I should have applied to my dating relationship with him. I would highly recommend this book for teens and adults, never married and divorced.

This book definitely keeps things in perspective. As a twentysomething, we get caught up in emotions and the physical not really seeing the whole picture. Boundaries in Dating is a great tool and reference when determining if the potential mate is someone to move forward with or run far from! A "Must Read" for you and/or great info to share with others.

This book is very informative and practical and it gives a balanced view about Christian dating, stating the important things not to overlook before getting into a relationship and also giving a broad view on what the bible says about dating.

I am presently reading through this book and though, it has some interesting points, there are so many contradictions. I do not like the fact that the authors just brought out this book to refute Joshua Harris's book 'I kissed dating goodbye'. One of the contradictions- they talk about dating alot of people to get to know and then elsewhere they say being friends for a while is a good thing and then date. Okay, so which one am I supposed to do? As christians, we need to develop to that level of maturity Paul talks about and if we walk with Godly wisdom, I don't think we can make such errors when it comes to dating. There's nothing new or revolutionary in this book. I recommend you get it from the library instead spending money on it.

I think everyone Christian or not should read this book before dating. It has very helpful information for having a healthy relationship and how to choose the right partner for you. I wish I would have read it before I started dating, but reading it while in a relationship is also very helpful.

My Christian teenage daugher has many Christain friends who have bought TOTALLY into the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. One of them gave the book to her in order (I think) to set her straight. She is a very bright, fun, thoughtful young lady who has dated and had some very good experiences with it and also rough experiences. She and I both read the book and discussed it together. It left her very distressed. She was made to feel like dating was a sin and yet, she couldn't really understand (Biblically) why. I, too, was very bothered by the legalistic approach of that book.
I went in search of a resource to clarify things for both my daughter and myself. I found this book and read it first before giving it to my daughter (no need to set her up for more confusion!) This book gives a wonderful and clear outline on the purposes and values of dating. It is biblically-based and sound in its information. My daughter is about halfway through reading it and as we discuss it, she is constantly saying, "now this makes sense". I especially appreciate the empasis placed on the issue of maturity in dating and how God can use dating (if done within His boundaries) to grow her into a mature Christian woman who will have the ability to make a wise decision when the time comes for her to marry.
She plans to share this book with all of her friends!

I recommend this book to singles that I counsel. In today's culture, developing a healthy relationship with the opposite sex is vital. I have counselled too many young people that have ignored the Biblical requirements for healthy relating and suffer hurtful or harmful consequences. If you are single - read this book. If you have a son or daughter ready to date or actively dating - share it with her or him. In fact, read it together and discuss the content.

I'm teaching this book to the adult singles class. We have been bless by this book, excellent reading. I encourage others to read and study to show yourself approve unto God. Healing and Growing!! Thank YOU!

This book definitely keeps things in perspective. As a twentysomething, we get caught up in emotions and the physical not really seeing the whole picture. Boundaries in Dating is a great tool and reference when determining if the potential mate is someone to move forward with or run far from! A "Must Read" for you and/or great info to share with others.

This book is very informative and practical and it gives a balanced view about Christian dating, stating the important things not to overlook before getting into a relationship and also giving a broad view on what the bible says about dating.

I am presently reading through this book and though, it has some interesting points, there are so many contradictions. I do not like the fact that the authors just brought out this book to refute Joshua Harris's book 'I kissed dating goodbye'. One of the contradictions- they talk about dating alot of people to get to know and then elsewhere they say being friends for a while is a good thing and then date. Okay, so which one am I supposed to do? As christians, we need to develop to that level of maturity Paul talks about and if we walk with Godly wisdom, I don't think we can make such errors when it comes to dating. There's nothing new or revolutionary in this book. I recommend you get it from the library instead spending money on it.

I think everyone Christian or not should read this book before dating. It has very helpful information for having a healthy relationship and how to choose the right partner for you. I wish I would have read it before I started dating, but reading it while in a relationship is also very helpful.

Many Christian authors insist that courting or betrothal systems are God's way for us to avoid pain and find a "soul mate." These methods are often based on a dubious patchwork of Bible verses or an adaptation of Old Testament cultural norms. We can learn from the past, but duplicating it is not the answer. For those Christians who live in 21st century culture and deal with age-old relational issues, "Boundaries in Dating" is a practical resource.

Drs. Cloud and Townsend wrote "Boundaries in Dating" in part to rebut the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris. While they applaud Mr. Harris' intention to help people forsake sin and find a good spouse, they are skeptical of his anti-dating conclusions. The authors claim that character, and not a method, is the real key to finding a quality partner. If you have good character, then any matchmaking methodology will work. However, if you have relational problems or are a bad person, then no method will overcome these handicaps. Indeed, one who is deficient in character but skilled in manipulation may corrupt a method for his or her advantage. I've seen too many peers who jumped through all the typical Christian pre-wedding hoops, only to wind up divorced or in troubled marriages.

The authors acknowledge that most folks have hang-ups that make romance difficult. And unfortunately, there are wolves in sheep's clothing that must be avoided. Therefore, boundaries are a necessary part of a healthy dating relationship. "Boundaries in Dating" describes where boundaries are needed, ways to set them, and how to enforce the consequences when they are violated. Some complain that boundaries are a way to control other people. However, the authors view them as tools that reveal good character or uncover impure motives. Boundaries define areas of sensitivity and conviction, and whether or not they are respected tells a lot about a person. For example, if a gal lovingly acknowledges a guy's physical affection boundary, then she is demonstrating virtue by her respect for him. However, if a man continues to demean his girlfriend in public despite her protests, his disrespect shows that he has internal problems. Of course, good character does not equate to perfection. A boundary violator who repents and demonstrates growth is still a good bet, while a chronic boundary-crasher should be let go.

Like many people, I was raised in a dysfunctional setting. I didn't even become a Christian until I was seventeen. When I reached adulthood, I crashed and burned when dating other flawed people. Courting did not fix my internal problems or prevent them from manifesting, and involving the woman's parents in the process didn't shield me from getting hurt by her hang-ups. So I'm not impressed when obsolete marriage practices are defined as the only God-sanctioned way to gain a spouse. As one who is currently dating, holier-than-thou hedges just don't do it for me. Instead, I desire prayer and wise counsel to help me glorify God within my cultural mode of relationship. Good friends, wise mentors, and books like "Boundaries in Dating" help fill that need.

I had a difficult time with the concept of this book. I am in the process of re-reading it with my boyfriend with the intention of discussing each chapter together. I found it difficult to understand how boundaries help intimacy.

I was very upset to find out that this book was geared towards Christians. Nowhere on the front or back cover did the book mention that the book would include quotes from the bible and tips for abstaining from sex before marriage and how to maintain a close relationship with God. I am not particularly religious and found this more than a little misleading...frankly, I was very offended that the authors would just assume that everyone who picks up a book about relationships subscribes to Christian beliefs. For that reason, I'm only giving it one star. Luckily, I got the book from a library, but if I had paid for it I'd be one very unhappy customer.

That said, if a RELIGIOUS guide to dating is what you're looking for, you may like this book. It does have some good suggestions to offer, and I like how each chapter had a summary list of important points. This layout is great for a quick review of each chapter.